Astral plane
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The astral plane is commonly understood by Rosicrucians to be the unused portion of Jehovah's cerebellum. However, Astronomers and Librarians hypothesize the astral plane is actually the manifestation of humankind's unrealized aspirations which can be accessed by ramming a genuine Atlantean crystal into one's heart chakra.
Others, like Wizards and cartoons maintain that the astral plane is one of many planes of existence which contains the collected contents of holes, bags, and the mysterious place from which cartoon characters commonly draw their weapons or store items. Still others maintain that the astral plane is the anal void of goatse expanded to horrifying proportions by the echoes of shock and horror reverberating throughout the collective consciousness as humanity's first steps in exploring the Internet lead it down the primrose path to Hell.
Though the very nature of the astral plane is hotly contested, one fact is certain - it is inhabited by giant fucking chameleons and truncated icosohedrons.
[edit] Location and Travel
One cannot hope to travel to the astral plane without first knowing where it is and how to get there. Unfortunately for would-be astral travelers, the plane's exact location is unknown, since no one can agree on what it exactly is.
This is precisely why some have suggested it is universally present, much in the same way as is the eternal and undeniably creepy (yet platonic) love of Jesus. Despite the difficulty of transcending one's perception and material self through meditation, tithing, self-flagellation or spinning in really fast circles the astral plane is typically accessible only to priests, psychics, and actors. Besides those predisposed to fraud and self-aggrandization, only powerful rulers, superheroes, and those imbued with supernatural powers have been able to travel to the astral plane. Exactly how they do so remains a heavily guarded secret, and Johnny ain't tellin'. Laypersons are therefore left to assume the astral plane exists somewhere in Outer Space or within the subtle fluctuations of one's subconscious as exposed to one's inner genius by a lifetime of drug abuse.
[edit] Dangers
Besides giant fucking chameleons and hostile geometries, the astral plane is inhabited by dangerous psychic parasites such as the solpugid, intellect devourer, and Timothy Leary. The astral plane is also host to innumerable perils of ambiguous and terrifying dispositions. One should also be warned of the recent accumulation of snakes on the plane and their alliance with the dark god Set, who surely comes to enslave mankind and force us all to bow before the brazen altars of sadism, madness, and corporate morale-raising initiatives.
