Neon Genesis Evangelion

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Gendo and his sidekick (wearing an S&M suit).
Gendo and his sidekick (wearing an S&M suit).
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Neon Genesis Evangelion.
This page relates to the very angsty and insanely complex anime of Neon Genesis Evangelion. If this isn't what you are after, perhaps you should ascend the arduous Ten Thousand Stairs - or you can take the lazy way out and click Things often confused with Neon Genesis Evangelion. You slovenly bastard.

Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man wants to make a million dollars, what he really needs to do is start merchandizing.

~ Hideaki Anno on Neon Genesis Evangelion

A wiseguy, eh? Where's YOUR coterie of hot-panted worshippers?

~ L. Ron Hubbard on Hideaki Anno

You're a pimp Gendo!

~ Bob Dole on Uber Pimp Gendo Ikari

Neon Genesis Evangelion (from the Greek Ευανγελιον, meaning "Gigantic robots piloted by mentally ill children") is both an animated TV series created by Hideaki Anno and a children’s film released in 1995, written and directed by famed artist Hayao Miyazaki, and produced by Studio Ghibli. It is described in the Otakupedia as the most extensive project ever undertaken in Jappaneez Annimayshun. The anime, affectionately referred to by fans as Neon Genesis Manic Depression, illustrates a 14-year-old loser's awkward quest to get laid before the end of the world. In select video stores you can obtain a copy of this from homeless lepers that sleep on the floor in the adult section.

Warning: THIS IS A VIOLENT PORN-UMENTARY!

Contents

[edit] TV Series

Neon Genesis Evangelion began as an adult TV series but spawned a less critically-acclaimed movie for all of the kiddies to enjoy. Darker themes found in the TV series are toned down in the movie and the characters are represented slightly differently. Proud otaku generally agree that the movie version is teh ghey.

[edit] Plot (TV Series)

Yet another gargantuan menace of unknown origin descends upon Tokyo 3.
Yet another gargantuan menace of unknown origin descends upon Tokyo 3.

In A.D. 2015 war was beginning. International mega-bastard and über pimp Gendo Ikari invites his whiny and flamboyantly homosexual son, Shinji, to Tokyo 3, the superfluous third Tokyo (created because someone thought just having two wasn't good enough). Located in Tokyo-3 is Gendo's mysterious post-modern corporation NERV, founded to make fun of Christian and Jewish symbolism and store massive piles of random junk, such as giant cybering webcams and the Michelin Man, who is the year 2015 has been impaled onto a cross with the world's largest tuning fork. It is revealed later in the series that the Michelin Man bleeds Tang, which is dumped into the cockpits of Evas to keep the pilots from slitting their wrists in a fit of philosophical thought.

Gendo's plan is to offer his spineless son an albino personality-devoid clone of his dead mother and a redheaded psycho bitch girl to shamelessly flirt with. To earn his keep, Shinji must join his potential concubines in piloting giant robots while prancing around in a spandex jumpsuit with weapons of minor destruction and for some reason fighting gargantuan Godzilla rejects that God apparently created when he was high. It is left ambiguous if Gendo's intention is to turn his son straight because while he does basically abuse his power to force women to sleep with Shinji, he also imposes what is widely regarded among authorities as 'the gayest' possible dress code.

Throughout the whole series, the pathetic son screams and whines all the time (the time Shinji spends shrilly screaming like a little girl defies the laws of physics, by exceeding the length of the series itself). As time goes on, Shinji's condition begins to deteriorate and his mind regresses so far that he ends up being able to view life only as a series of under-funded slide shows created primarily from stock footage. Eventually, it takes the destruction of all people on Earth except one, lots of acid, and lots of product promotion for Tang™, for him to finally have sex with a girl. However, they then reveal that he really didn't. Despite it being the end of the world, and Shinji being the last man on earth, something almost every woman Shinji met said would have to happen before they would have sex with the young lad, he still couldn't manage to score.

When he finally does regain his senses and finds himself alone with the last girl in the world, the annoying German uber-bitch (fuck!). He tries to kill her, as would 99% of males everywhere, but, of course, fails miserably. Several alternate endings be seen in the director's cuts of Evangelion, including a lavish musical ending and one where it all turns out to be a dream. These 'Special Editions' are part of a devious plan to charge the fans an inordinate amount of money for things they've already figured out in the decade that they've been analyzing this convoluted LSD trip which some hack labeled as anime.

[edit] Characters (TV Series)

These names are written in the Japanese order (or "back to front"). If you value your life, do not say these names in Western order in front of a Wapanese.
The ever-frustrated Shinji, masturbating furiously. Again.
The ever-frustrated Shinji, masturbating furiously. Again.

Ikari Shinji: The aforementioned loser. His hobbies include depression, whining, bitching and wallowing in extreme angst, being a loser, masturbating, staring at boobs, looking at porn (except goatse) and hentai, crying while masturbating, crying while masturbating over comatose girls, accidentally saving the world, contracting herpes, and whining (often while masturbating) and making sexist comments and posts. These traits have caused many to believe Shinji to be one of the first true, "proto-emos". Interestingly, Shinji has never been seen together with Marvin the Paranoid Android, the only other person who is anywhere as depressed as Shinji. This has lead some to believe that they are the same person, whereas others believe that if they met each other, the sheer amount of depression concentrated in one location would cause the space-time continuum to tear apart, or kill itself. Also known as the "Third Children", because someone mixed up his singular and plural nouns.

Besides hard core masturbation and being a emo, he also has a gay lover named, "Kaworu Nagisa". Which, at the end of the series came to a stereotypical climax were it was either him or the girl. Seeing how this is Shinji he choose the gay lover, though Kaworu for the lack of a penis, he choose death. Which, left Gainax to leave a still frame playing classical music for twenty minutes to piss off fans. Later Shinji angrily masturbates over his loss.

Shinji Ikari, cross dressing to serve Asuka as her personal sex slave.
Shinji Ikari, cross dressing to serve Asuka as her personal sex slave.


01 Unit Evangelion: A big honkin' robot that stores the soul of Shinji's mother.Also the place where Shinji masturbates, a lot. Another thing is Unit 01's horn is actually a penis references. Becomes Jesus by the end of the series. See Oedipus Complex.

Asuka, 0.25 seconds before TOTALLY FLIPPING OUT.
Asuka, 0.25 seconds before TOTALLY FLIPPING OUT.

Asuka the Grouch: The aforementioned annoying, vile and hypersexualized German bitch who deserves to be spanked until her ass is the same shade of red as her hair. She is psychotic, psychopathic, clinically insane, constantly in a state of PMS, attracted to men at least twice her age (and secretly, boys with an Oedipus Complex), and prone to randomly flipping out and trying to fucking kill people. This makes her ideally suited for piloting a giant robot capable of destroying the world, provided, of course, that the "world" is in range of the robot's extension cord. Did we mention that they have extension cords?

"A mountain. Water. The color red. So many of me. Anno-sensei says the more me, the more merchandising power."
"A mountain. Water. The color red. So many of me. Anno-sensei says the more me, the more merchandising power."

Ayanami Rei: The generic blue-haired girl with uncanny superpowers but a personality cut out of cardboard. She was created by Ikari Gendo when he threw his wife into his aquarium in a fit of rage after his fifteenth failed attempt to raise seamonkeys. Her hobbies include reading, staring out the window, staring at the wall, staring into space, boring people to death, dying, walking around naked for no reason, bleeding, and basically increasing the suicide rate of all she comes into contact with. There are unconfirmed rumors that she once expanded to many times her original size, took off her clothes, and exploded. She has the ability to turn everyone on Earth into Tang™ by poking them. A recurring event in the series involves Rei dying, after which Shinji squeals "Oh my god! They killed Rei!", followed by Asuka screaming "YOU BASTARDS!" In a blatant disregard for continuity, Rei appears again in the following episode as if nothing ever happened.


Ikari Gendo: Ikari Gendo is afflicted with particularly poor teeth, and was forced from a young age to wear giant braces. Due to this he never, EVER reveals his mouth in front of company. Hobbies include having adulterous affairs with co-staff, neglecting his son, and molesting pre-pubescent females. Has won the Most Negligent Father Award ten years in a row and has been the subsequent runner up for the," Asshole Father In The Universe", behind John Edward and Darth Vader, for the last five.

Gendo, from what is known to this date is running for United States President under the ticket of family values and a truly "United States". Which, has to do something with Tang™, and raping Rei.

Gendo, caused second impact by playing the artist formally known as Prince's $19.99 which throw off the plot of the entire story before it started. Which, goes back to the script writing of even bothering to write the story in the first place. Anyway playing $19.99 is a cosmic expiration date after expired can't be used. Gendo, by playing the song caused millions to die for his own enjoyment.

The lock-and-load sequences of Eva units 00, 01 and 02, superimposed with their pilots. Note the extreme care put in the robotic shell designs.
The lock-and-load sequences of Eva units 00, 01 and 02, superimposed with their pilots. Note the extreme care put in the robotic shell designs.

Katsuragi Misato: Her brilliant battlefield tactics are powered by beer; the more beer she drinks, the stupider her plans become, and therefore the more likely they are to succeed according to the Laws of Anime Physics. Her hobbies include drinking, having drunken one-night stands with total strangers, having drunken one-night stands with friends, molesting boys half her age, and guilting or sexing people into doing what she wants. She probably has an important role in the story, but the viewers are invariably transfixed by her hypnotic boobies whenever she starts yammering, and nobody understands the significance of her character.

Akagi "Blenda" Ritsuko: The Ubergeek and Gendo's personal ho. Believes that a computer is her mother. She invented new math and is capable of solving problems by making up new laws of physics, none of which make any sense (see also: Chewbacca defense). Is in charge of the Final Solution to NERV's excess stockpiles of coffee and cigarettes. Hobbies include smoking, sexually abusing Rei, molesting Maya, spouting technobabble, yelling "That's not possible!" whenever anything happens that can't be explained by her "science" and just standing around looking simultaneously really really ominous and really really hot. She looks like that slutty teacher from the best hentai around, Bible Black.

Ibuki Maya: Bulimic hermaphrodite and Ritsuko's personal loveslave. She looks exactly like a female version of Shinji, leading many to suspect a lack of effort on the character designer's part. Hobbies include kissing Ritsuko's ass (both figuratively and literally), getting spanked by Ritsuko, getting tied up by Ritsuko, stating completely obvious things, cowering in fear, and vomiting whenever something icky happens. Also provides invaluable service to NERV headquarters by hysterically squealing "it's an Angel!" when the blazing red lights go off and the word ANGEL appears in big scary letters on the screens.

Maya's collegues: There's.. uh.. that androgynous-looking guy with the guitar, and, uh.. the other had glasses, right? No one cares about them though, as they aren't hot lesbians.

Kaji... Ryoji Kaji: He uses his powers of being a self-righteous bastard, and The Power Of The Mullet to get into the pants of any chick and fourteen-year-old boy he wants. He likes to tell people that he's a triple agent, but he's really only a double agent (and only that by a technicality). Hobbies include standing around, annoying people with his smug flippancy, drinking coffee, hitting on lesbians, watering the watermelons, offering irrelevant philosophical advice during massacres, and being utterly useless at contributing toward solving any problems whatsoever.

Ikari Yui: Shinji's mom and Gendo's wife. She puts on a facade of cheer and good nature to hide her vengeful, cannibalistic urges. She is commonly credited with being the first person to use an antimatter diet as a method of weight loss. Uses the words "spiffy" and "guestimate" a lot. Also is very hot, which explains why Gendo would like to turn everybody on Earth into Tang™ to have sex with her again. Although this process does not really bear up to logic, Gendo has never shown an inclination to logic when his wee-wee gets tingly.

Asuka's Mom: Asuka's mother, and Asuka's father's wife. Like her daughter, she was clinically insane, which made her awesome in bed. Once snapped a puppy schnauzer’s neck for chewing on her favorite rag doll. And subsequently ate it's head. Without chewing.

Akagi Naoko: Mother of Ritsuko and inventor of a multi-trillion dollar computer that doesn't do much other than play screensavers from the 1980's and occasionally attempt to self-destruct. She is an avid supporter of post-mortem organ donations. Her hobbies include making out with total assholes, screwing her daughter over, and strangling young children who give her shit when she's busy. Otherwise, a pleasant woman.

Horaki Hikari: Mono-nippled class committee representative in Shinji's class. As name implies, she is both a whore and a hick. Once proposed putting Silly Putty on the school lunch menu. Dumber than a stoned goldfish. Would be much more interesting if she was a lesbian.

That Annoying Kid In The School Who The Dorks Make Fun Of: Also known as Kensuke the gay man, but nobody cares anyways. Can be recognized by his ultra awkward voice in the English versions of the anime, which sounds similar to someone who has a gerbil permanently lodged in their throat trying to vomit. Has no real purpose other then lusting after Misato and promoting G.I. Joe.

Suzuhara Toji: From Shinji's class, acts like a little punk but deep down inside he's a pussy, which is verified when he goes every day to the hospital to eat out his ailing sister. Once knocked out Shinji in a pointless attempt to prove his masculinity, and in another incident showed his wang to Asuka the Grouch, who promptly planted her steel-toed boot into his left nut. In another occasion, he even attempted to pilot one of the big honkin' robots mentioned above, <drum roll>

...which cost him an arm and a leg. Image:rimshot.gif

Nagisa Kaworu: Flaming homosexual with albinism, like Rei. Created by Pen-Pen by surgically removing the left nipple of Horaki Hikari, microwaving it on "thaw" for 59 minutes, and bitch-slapping what came out. He was originally sent to NERV to see if Shinji was gay, and if so, have lots of gay sex with him. He ended up screwing Rei instead, which he described as "kind of awkward at first, but then REALLY weird when I found out she was my sister". This drove him to become suicidal and ask Shinji to pop his head off "like a Pez dispenser", but of course had lots of gay sex with him first because if he did not, the yaoi fangirls would have suicide bombed GAINAX out of disappointment. His death caused Shinji to become so depressed that he could only view reality as a series of annoying slide-shows, some set in the disturbing and alien dimension of live action and crappy crown drawings. Nowadays, he is known as "The Rapist Formally Known as Kaworu" and huffs kittens in his free time.

Pen-Pen: The mastermind behind this whole fiasco, and owner of Misato. While people tend to think of Pen-Pen as the pet, it's actually quite the opposite. Pen-Pen captured Misato several years ago in the Kanto Safari Zone with an Ultra Ball and has since managed to train her to be his completely obedient sex slave. In the underground community of Kabblistic monks, Pen-Pen is known as GOD.

SEELE members: 12 old geezers that live in black boxes and unofficially rule the world. They plan the destruction of the world by Tang™ing everyone and keeping down the Metric system. They run NERV, the UN, Eva's 5 to 13, and a small but slowly expanding chain of soft pretzel stands. They also have a severe rivalry with other Illuminati groups like The Patriots and Hollywood and claim they stole their original ideas for world domination and force them to "go with the plan with the fucked-up kids, the psycho bio-mechs and that douchebag Gendo".

Magi: Three computers designed by Akagi Naoko with a brilliant program that gives them the decision-making capabilities of three fickle and emotionally unstable personalities of her own. Consulted frequently by NERV for advice on saving the earth from utter cataclysm. Their names are borrowed from the biblical three wise men, Melthazor, Balthazar and Xenu. Credited with holding the largest cache of porn in the world.

The watermelons: Genetically mutated and trained by SEELE to assassinate Kaji.

Other people: They do stuff, but not as much stuff as you might think, they are there pretty much just to be turned into goo and as a rule its not very interesting stuff unless you are into that kind of thing...oh you sick bastard.

[edit] Ending (TV Series)

For years, man has wondered just what the fuck was going on at the end of Evangelion. To this day, the world's leading scientists have come up with jack shit to explain the ending. However, there are many popular theories, including but not limited to:

  • Ikari Shinji has been smoking something, and I want to know what it is and where I can get some.
  • George Findlay's fear of his own mortality renders him incapable of sustaining a meaningful romantic relationship.
  • The Angels resulted when Gendo left his lunch on the counter in NERV's biogenetic wing and things went terribly, terribly wrong.
  • Asuka has been smoking something, and I want to know what it is and where I can get some.
  • The whole thing was just a big misunderstanding; in reality, the Angels were simply escaped parade balloons.
  • Hideaki Anno has been smoking something, and I want to know what it is and where I can get some.
  • The end of the world was an elaborate ruse by elder gods to get Shinji and Asuka to mate. Why else would they be the only two people left in existence?
  • If James Joyce took on the giant robot genre, it would look a bit like this.
  • Hideaki Anno is a mean bastard bent on fucking with people's heads until they a splode from sheer frustration.
  • The Geofront is actually Deep-13.
  • People are made of Tang™.
  • Evangelions are really robots from outer space bent on bringing happyness to Fluff-Fluff Island.


Nevertheless, the general consensus is that Anno was simply pissing everyone in the eye to get some extra truckloads of cash while stoned off his ass on blacktar heroin.

A poster from the Evangelion movie
A poster from the Evangelion movie

[edit] Movie Adaptation

The timeless plot of Evangelion made into a movie by none other than Japan's beloved Hayao Miyazaki. His work with children's stories made him a natural pick for the movie adaptation. Upon accepting the offer to direct Miyazaki is quoted as saying, its this story's optimism, love, and upbeat attitude that inspired me to work in the anime industry.

Upon hearing this quote, many anime fans are quoted as saying, "Oh crap, this movie is gonna blow!"

[edit] Plot

The film is a classic coming of age tale, set in rural Japan. It focuses on the lead character Shinji Ikari’s transition into womanhood. Shinji is a precocious young girl who lives with her father Gendo Ikari (played by Lars Ulrich) a bumbling professor at the NERV institute. Shinji discovers a path in the nearby woods that leads her to discover a large creature known as the Evangelion. Together they go on an adventure to find a way to advance human evolution.

Over the course of the film, Shinji meets many characters, such as Asuka, Rei, Misato and many more. After they join her quest, the group has several adventures which all offer a painfully fluffy moral.

First, Shinji’s friend Rei accidentally is killed, only to be revived. This is a repeating motif in the film, and shows that actions often lack consequences.

Next, Shinji gets into a fight with one of her friends, who was driven mad by bad berries. Shinji uses her Evangelion to fight her companion, and is forced to kill him. This offers the moral coda that sometimes in life we are forced into killing people we care about.

After that, Shinji’s friend Asuka, who was searching for her home, finally reaches her goal only to find that her mother had killed herself. The moral here is that home is where the heart is.

However, Asuka eventually ends up in a coma after getting lost in the enchanted forest the Eva lives in. Shinji finds this to be the perfect time to pleasure herself over the body of a comatose (yet hot) girl. The moral here is that its basically ok to do whatever you want to comatose people.

Finally, Shinji and what is left of her friends and the Evangelion begin the Human Instrumentality Project™ to attempt to make everyone on earth happy. However through her adventures, young Shinji has grown up and now understands that humanity can all just get along if we work at it.

The film closes with a montage of happy faces, and children of all colors and religion singing together in the streets, every element of the film now completely and coherently resolved. The platinum edition, by popular demand, is sold with a bag to vomit into.

[edit] Intro To Movie


(You have just wasted 3:58 minutes of your life.)

[edit] Critics and Box Office Gross

The film grossed 150 million yen (about the price of a cup of Starbucks coffee and a cookie) and also grossed an audience of 14 million. The film’s financial success was met despite relatively bad reviews of the film. Most critics complained that the film was too upbeat, and that its ending seemed forced and overly simple. Despite this Hayao Miyazaki is quoted as saying that he considers the film his most important work. He suggests that children should view it as a guide to their own personal struggles into adulthood.

[edit] Based Upon

Cover to "Vision of Evangelion"
Cover to "Vision of Evangelion"

The original TV series was loosely based upon two books: Kazuo Ishiguro's The Remains of the Day and the anonymously authored 1979 novel, "The Vision of Evangelion". The original plot of "The Vision of Evangelion" featured the touching story of an autistic boy with an alcoholic father coming to terms with his condition, but was erratically translated into Japanese to become what critics would refer to as 'the most sexually explicit account of a giant robot orgy ever printed'. Sales of the Japanese version skyrocketed in Japan, prompting an accurate English translation of the mis-translated Japanese version, which was blasted by most literary critics.

[edit] The Creator

Neon Genesis Evangelion was created a decade ago by Hideaki Anno, a 35-year-old virgin. The show is based on the fictitious pimping experiences of his god-like alter ego. He has still to cease creating director's cuts, platinum variations, extra collection sets, producer's visions and other special editions of the TV series. The main differences between these editions can be seen in the gamma correction, which Anno randomly tweaks for every release. Occasionally he also adds new scenes to the show, which mainly consist of a still frame showing one of the characters staring at a wall for five minutes, or rearranges the ending abitrarily to something even more incomprehensible.

[edit] Trivia

  • Gendo's final silenced line to Ritsuko was "I'm going to shoot you now."
  • Shinji Ikari roughly translates to "raging homo in spandex".
  • Fanboys are more likely to forget that Rei is underage than they are to forget how to shower. This does not apply to Japan, where the legal age of consent is nine... although they still don't shower.
  • Rei is generally considered albino, but her paleness was actually due to smoking/injecting/snorting enough drugs to kill six Kurt Cobains, which is equal to 6 shotguns.
  • The plot of the last episode was originally written by a drunk homeless Japanese man and translated into Arabic by a man who only understood French prior to it actually being animated and acted out.
  • Nagisa Kaworu kills a kitten every time you masturbate.
  • The combined weight of Evangelion-related merchandise would sink the island of Japan.
  • Lots of people refer to Gendo as a pimp, but it was common knowledge within NERV that he had never once achieved an erection without taking some sort of medication and putting on his Fozzie Bear costume moments before intercourse, which would often totally kill the mood.
  • Asuka's final line "how disgusting" was the actress' genuine reaction to some of the Shinji/Kawrou fan art that exists.
  • Robots exist in real-life. The President doesn't want you know this because his giant robot sex-scandal will come to surface.
  • Several of the episodes of the series were nothing more than Transformer and Voltron scripts with the names changed.
  • If you play Episode 25 backwards, you will hear a recorded message in Lithuanian requesting some guy named 'sexy-pants' to help fix a stuck pixel.
  • Evangelion is the official State Anime of Missouri.
  • If you show a small child the last two episodes, his head will implode by the 00:34:15 mark.
  • In Episode 19, no wait episode 21, hang on was it Episode 12, no sorry it was one of the movies, pre-director's cut, or was it...

[edit] Evangelion-Related Merchandise

Over the last decade a glut of Neon Genesis Evangelion merchandise has been tenaciously hawked to the otaku community, giving them an outlet for all their money saved from not spending it on a girlfriend. Among some of the more popular items are:

If you've purchased three or more of these items, or look like this, please kill yourself right now. Your life is effectively over.
If you've purchased three or more of these items, or look like this, please kill yourself right now. Your life is effectively over.
  • Life-Sized Ayanami Rei Beach Towel - No, this doesn't count as a girlfriend.
  • Evangelion Portable Epilepsy Kit - These bulky goggles house internal mini-monitors that play your favorite Evangelion scenes on end until desired effect is attained. Exterior of unit is padded to avert brain damage from subsequent impact with ground. (NOT GUARANTEED -- Sega Corp.)
  • Life-Sized Eva Unit - Kids, get your parents' permission before ordering. Requires 59,000 AAAAAAAAA Batteries (not included.)
  • Pen-Pen Dildo - WARNING: Use only as directed. (Contains toxic chemicals known to the Californian EPA to cause testicular cancer, and lower sperm count.)
  • Limited Edition Evangelion-Type Sega Dreamcast - Shaped in the image of the head of Evangelion Unit 1. Plays all existing Dreamcast games normally for first 10 hours. From then on converts game into only still shots of game screens with intermittent stretches of flashing images and subliminal messages.
  • AT Field Halloween Costume - Actually nothing more than a transparent plastic sheet to be worn over the head, but sold in the millions because of the Evangelion logo on the box.
  • Life-Sized Ikari Shinji Beach Towel- For the girls. No, this does not count as a boyfriend. To date has only sold one unit (to Nagisa Kaworu).
  • Life-Sized Ibuki Maya Beach Towel - For those 'other' girls... and boys suffering from massive autogynephilia.
  • LCL Tang™ - Lilith's blood with orange flavoring, freeze-dried in packets. Mix with lukewarm water and drink while reminiscing of the good ol' days in mommy's tummy.
  • NERV Playhouse - Recreate your favorite hardcore scenes from the TV show such as between Gendo and Naoko, Gendo and Ritsuko, Gendo and Rei and finally, Gendo and Shinji. SEELE members not included (although they wish they were).
  • Reiquarium - Grow your own Rei today! Soul not included. (Not sold in stores - Can only be obtained by sending in 550 proofs of purchase from Tang™.)
  • Kaworu and Shinji Playset - This set comes with 12' Shinji and Kaworu dolls and various accessories and clothing. The Shinji doll can bend over into various positions while the Kaworu doll has a button that activates a pelvic thrusting motion.
  • Asuka's Dominatrix Workshop (for Game Cube and PS2) - Let Asuka teach you the meaning of pain, virtual reality style! Special Asuka Controller™ (included) sends blasts of electric pain to the body part of your choice.
  • Gendo Gloves and Glasses Set - Do you find your servants/slaves/subordinates uncooperative? These attractive accessories will give you the authoritative air you need to make anybody obey your commands, whether you want them to have sex with you or test out experimental equipment that may contaminate them physically and mentally forever! Glasses are available in clear or tinted red lenses.
  • Figurines of Asuka Taking a Dump- The sad part is you think we're kidding.
  • Shinji (In)action Figure - 6" replica of Shinji in patented battle stance (fetal position). Says real Shinji phrases like. "Like me, please. Like me!" and, "I wont pilot that thing!". Choke-me Shinji debates morality of combat when you try to crush the irritating phrases in its throat. Special docking port with Kaworu figure (sold separately).

[edit] See also

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