Athe
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Athe is the supreme Goddess of Atheism. She exists, but does not want anyone to know, and will actively kill anyone who says that She does. Her full name is Athe Nogod Antichrist (acronym Athena, who is also the goddess of civilization, specifically wisdom, weaving and crafts). This is why all Atheists are wise, creative and intelligent. She also has a sister called Antithe and a twin sister named Athena who share the same mother Hera. She used to be the Greek goddess of skepticism, and worked with Athena goddess of wisdom, but decided to form her own religion, or non-religion as it were.
[edit] Background
Very little is known of the behaviour of Athe, for she was mysteriously left out of the tales and myths of the old Greek gods, despite concrete evidence in the form of mysterious carvings on Atlantis that she attended one of their orgies. Athe still claims that those carvings are the result of Carvingshop, an Atlantean fluffyware technology that allowed editing of previously carved stonography.
[edit] Denial
Atheists strongly deny that their goddess became pregnant after this (or even that their goddess exists, for fear of dying), but it was about this time that there was a mysterious birth in Middle East, with a young woman unable to say who had got her pregnant. Faced with the possibility of having to pick between the forty-two separate soldiers she had screwed, she claimed that her child was the progeny of a god. This child was named Jesus and in an attempt to defy Athe for not buying him a Zbox 360 created christianity. Jesus was so brilliant that he made the Bible contradict itself so that the church would split and defy Athe with hundreds of religions. The original religion was so hypocritical that historians all agree that it was none other than Baptist. The day Jesus finally received his Zbox 360 is called Christmas in which all spoiled Americans indulge in earthly pleasures to glorify God. Though this has all been scientificly proven by Jimmy Neutron and big words as well as confirmed by the Pope, Christians continue to deny Jesus wasn't white.
[edit] Worship & Rewards
It is said that whosoever puts forth the most convincing argument against the existence of god(s), will be the first in line of the next round of 42 fucks that Athe will partake of. Since nobody wants to partake of "sloppy forty seconds," practicioners of Atheism therefore do everything in their power to deny the existence of anything besides a bunch of little swirly bits of things and maybe a string or two. Currently most people consider Friedrich Nietzsche near the forefront of the pack due to the convincing arguments he mumbled while performing oral on Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung simultaneously. If however Athe will make her decision based on phallic size, Nietzsche could well find himself at the rear of the line.
According to ancient greek scrolls, this is the family history of Antithe and Athe.
Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Amor═╤═Gaea │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┴────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Tom Cruise Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley │ │ ...And you... │ ┌────┴─────┐ │ Diabeetis Meow Mix cheating
