Athens
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“We're the Spartans of Learning!.”
~ Athens on their complete lack of greatness
Athina is the capital of the former Hellenic Republic, and is usually accompanied by an apology. The Hellenic Republic is, incidentally, the largest Mental asylum in the world. The city is where the West meets the East, mugs it, and makes it inhospitable. The West doesn't belong in Athens, but a new and peculiar traitorous breed of Greek, known as Generation Y has recently embraced it with open arms.
Athina features in the legend of Hercules when, as his final task, he is told to negotiate an Athenian sidewalk. Despite the impossibility of traversing such a hostile environment, he eventually manages it and that is why you have heard of him.
There was a label on this article before I came and shone my radiance upon it that says, and I quote: "This article is currently in a bad state". Anyone who has ever been to Athina will be able to appreciate the validity of this statement.
Omonia is the main square of Athina, and not a particularly glamorous place. The only cocktail you are likely to be served here is a Molotov. The square's primary function is as the meeting place for regular demonstrations against the government. The government is surprisingly tolerant of these demonstrations, firstly because it appreciates the importance of upholding Hellenic Democracy, and secondly because demonstrations by the people have no bearing on the governments decision-making whatsoever.
Although the only thing in the Hellenic Republic that qualifies as developed, the prefectures public transport is superb. It is a certainty that you will enjoy traveling to the center of Athina far more than the thing you do there. Indeed, the few remaining ancient sites are easy to see from the brand new subway, given that the line virtually bisects all of them. This is the Greek way. In short, the Hellenes have lost a lot more marbles than just Elgins. The Greek flag contains nine stripes, which each represent a syllable of the Athinian motto: "You Have To Be Crazy To Live Here".
over to you guys:
Athens was the place in antiquity where guys with long beards could go and feel like they were part of the in-crowd.
Athens was founded in 898 BC by the American empire, oddly enough by a man who had a soul patch or goatee, depending on which sources you trust. People who live in Athens tend to bathe very rarely.
According to the historian Thucydides, Athens grew strong in the 5th Century BC, through it's development of the Microsoft Windows operating system. This however proved to be a curse in disguise, as computer with enough RAM to run early versions of Windows did not come into vogue until the 1990s AD.
Other city-states, particularly Sparta, were upset that Athens refused to refund the cost of purchase an OS that could not be run on any contemporary computer.
The Athenians tried to create a better computer, but were barely able to muster teaching a parrot to talk. This was insufficient to quell the complaints, and so the Peloponnesian War began in 429 BC.
The war end with the sack of Athens by the Spartans. The Spartans then tossed the sack into the ocean, where all the Athenians drowned.
New edit guy: The guy before me had all got it wrong. The greeks used Apple Macindosh, not Microsoft Windows. And greeks were huge dickmen. But that has got nothing to do with the History. As a proven Historian, I will present the events as they happened for real. Microsoft hired men to take over Athens and they did so. But Spartans paid Microsoft well to have rumors spread about Spartans taking over Athens after a 5.000.000.000 years. They also asked Microsoft to somehow relate them to Halo videogame.
The Athens vs Spartan wars can be related to Master Chief vs Super Mario war also known as the Console War that end with the victory of Master Chief and Microsoft.
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