Auchterarder
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The Arder of Auchter (Uachdar Gleann Eaglais in gaelic) is a small town in central Scotland (with UK area postcode of G8) half way between Perth and Stirling, but a bit closer to Perth which is slightly more up market. For those even more well off than people in Perth, they choose to live in Auchterarder where driving a 4x4 is slightly more socially acceptable than in the city. Poverty stricken families have been known to have been evicted from the town, the most famous case being when Bob Geldof invaded the town during the Make Coldplay History campaign. It is also known as The Lang Toon to celebrate it's twinning with the town of Kirkcaldy in Fife.
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[edit] History
The town is the ancient seat of the Mailer's Clan which grew to it's present size of c.17,500 after Robert Wiseman moved in and attempted to set up a dairy, although the majority of cows were massacred by retreating Jacobites in the early 20th Century. It was these Jacobites that were also responsible for the burning down of the town after General Craig Rossie was unimpressed to find a Chip Shop disguised as a Chicken Bar on the town's High Street. It used to be so big before the burning that it stretched as far south as Blackford and as far north as Mutt Hill, another reason it is referred to as the Lang Toon.
Nowadays the majority of residents now live in a large hotel called Ben Eagles to con tourists into thinking that Golden Eagles are found around the area. This was the case until the opening of the RAF Strathallan which resulted the birds of prey being killed by overhead aircraft and trainee paratroopers. Someone once said that it's actually from the gaelic Eaglais which means kirk (a church to English people, of which there are a couple of here) but the local falconry centre have branded this as ridiculous and a viscous, scandalous attack on the area.
More recently Auchterarder has been in the news after riots emerged after the G8 marches in the town. These occurred after a local Mailer claimed that the wealthy residents of Muirton were going to Tescos in Perth to do the shopping instead of giving the needed money to the local economy.
[edit] The Town
Auchterarder is a shoppers paradise and has the most antique shops in one place within the UK. Nothing younger than 1900's is permitted into the town and even the petrol station still has an attendant. Any car with a registration plate younger than a 'C' will be towed by Perth & Kinross Council or sent for scrapping in the middle of the A9.
[edit] Sport
[edit] Golf
- The town has three courses; King's Course, Queen's Course and the slightly less classy Joker's Course (aka Auchterarder Golf Club)
- Ben Eagles plays host to the Burger King Woman's World Championship every year.
[edit] Snooker
- World Snooker Champion Jimmy White lives here and invented the game in the Star Hotel in 1964 after coming to the conclusion that American Pool was shite.
[edit] Football
- The local football teams are St Johnstone, Stirling Albion and Dunfermline. Hence the reason everyone is either depressed or supports the Old Firm.
[edit] Deathwish Derby
- The place offers a fine junction to the west of the town where you can play Russian Roulette with your car on the A9, the worlds longest road.
