Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 5

August 5: Mysterious Woody At The Mall Day:

Goggles will be useless at the malls, for they do nothing.

1799 - Woody Guthrie was seen at the mall with his guitar.
1812 - Famed time traveller Woody Harrelson goes back in time to bring the idea of the mall to the past.
1940 - Joseph Stalin is caught with a woody at the mall. Later that evening, twelve million peasants are killed. Woody was heard to exclaim "Ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha!".
1955 - Carmen Miranda dies; shares of United Fruit decline 20% in heavy trading.
1961 - JFK gets woody at mall opening, denies any connection to Marilyn Monroe.
1962 Film actress and sex icon Marilyn Monroe is found dead in her Los Angeles home, apparently having overdosed on sleeping pills. Teenaged males everywhere declare an International Day of No Masturbation to mourn her passing.
1979 - First recorded instance of mass-woodying by all the men attending the opening of Britain's first shopping mall.
1980 - Woody Allen appears mysteriously at Detroit strip mall, is disappointed to find that the Big Boy doesn't offer kosher meals; he then proceeds to the Asian section of the food court.
1991 - The most amazing person ever was born ... her name ... Jenna Duncan
1998 - Woody from Toy Story is said to be at the mall.
2000 - woody woodpecker seen at mall
2000 - Academy Award winning actor Sir Alec Guiness dies at the age of 86. Or at least, it is assumed he died, since all that is found is an empty robe and a lightsaber.
2006 - Cape Breton invades Uncyclopedia.
2023 - Lindsay Lohan is finaly released from rehad.
2134 - Britney Spears final returns to a normal person