Auntie Harriet Tubman

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This is the story of Auntie Harriet Tubman. Everyone knows the Harriet Tubman from the Underground Railroad, but did you know about Auntie Harriet Tubman? No? Really?? Well, now you'll know.

[edit] The Beginning

Auntie Harriet Tubman was born in a Cheesecake Factory along the Nile River. She migrated to Seattle, Washington and started a band called "Buddhist Nudist," later known as just "Nuddhist." She played the electric guitar and electric cowbell. She then moved to San Francisco with her lover, Hilary Clinton. They tried to get married, but because of the racist and sexist laws in California, they could not. They revolted and began to throw republican pricks into Boston Harbor. The legend that was Auntie Harriet Tubman was born.

[edit] Nuddhist

Let's go back to the "Nuddhist" hard rock for a moment. Some of the people in her band were Eddie Van Halen, Elizabeth Taylor, Condilezza Rice, and her future lover, Hilary Clinton. They had some amazing songs, contrary to popular belief. Here are just a few.

• Mellow Yellow- Auntie Harriet Tubman wrote this song when she had a fling with Amy Tan. This is where Amy Tan got her idea for her book, "The Hundred Secret Senses." Auntie Harriet Tubman was crushed when Amy Tan left her for Carmen Electra, but came back to her normal hight with this song.
• Teardrops on My Sitar- Auntie Harriet Tubman wrote this when she went to India while she was on a str8 period and having a maharaja. The maharaja left her, forcing her back into her state of "The 'L' Word." Then, she destroyed half of the Taj Mahal, which was built back in less than 12 hours with some ABC gum and duct tape (because duct tape fixes everything)so no one would notice anything.
• Smells Like Bean Nachos- This song was written when she stayed in a hotel in Milan. Apparently, some supermodel was on a binge. In a near dazed bulimic she threw up all over the mirror, making Auntie Harriet Tubman think she looked like creamed corn. Then, the crazed supermodel drank half a bottle of "Milk of Magnesia" and...well...if you're ever in Milan, don't get in the jacuzzi in room 1242.
• Lice Lice Baby- Here, Auntie Harriet Tubman went to Mozambique and had giant monkey-ostrich hybrids ate crabs out of her crotch. It became infected and her crotch was amputated. She wrote the song in her hospital bed and the nurse typed it up for her. She then had ear sex with the nurse.

Yes, Auntie Harriet Tubman was an excellent song writer and had lots of experience to take from. She also has had numerous other songs, including "Give Cheese a Chance, Oops I Slept with a Man, and Wet Dream Scheme." Her music talents have never really been known, but she really was.

[edit] Hilary Clinton's Love Affair

Yes, Auntie Harriet Tubman had a love affair with the ex-first lady. They met in Auntie Harriet Tubman's band "Nuddhist." Hilary played the electric xylophone.