Aussies

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Australians?


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Aussies.


Aussies are a degenerate sub-species found on the long-lost continent of OZ, located somewhere at the bottom of the globe (or "the arse end of the world", as they often like to put it). They are notable for their rather nauseating high-pitched whine, love of the obscure British sport of cricket (an area in which they dominate over all, along with most good sports), and their need to constantly talk about themselves. Due to overcrowding, Aussies have started to spread across the planet, and can be found drinking themselves to oblivion in many places around the world. It's true. Look for yourself

Contents

[edit] Political Leanings

Bruce Sheila, Aussie Prime Minister

OZ is nominally a monarchy, with the Queen Elizabeth II ostensibly the Head of State. In practice however, the majority of Aussies labour under the misconception that rule of their country passed from Princess Diana to Queen Mary of Denmark, sometime around 1999. Most Aussies are considered politically ignorant, and would prefer to be found passed out with an empty can of "piss" (see below). This is ironic, considering theirs is the only country in the world that makes voting in government elections compulsory. Some however, have taken to the political spot-light, and are now dominating the world arena, as can be seen with their current Prime Minister, shown on the right.

[edit] Diet

Aussies have a rich diet, consisting mainly of a cold, brown liquid, known as "piss". This is similar to British or American 'beer', albeit kept at a cooler temperature, and ironically enough tasting less like urine than its aforementioned counterparts. They are also known for eating kangaroos, still born children, and belly button gunk. Aussies favourite food however is Shreemp, as in 'chuck another shreemp on the barbie moyt.' It is quite obvious that this choice of food is directly related to the size of the Aussie penis which is also another thing that Aussies eat a lot of.

[edit] Natural Predators

In the early 1980's, scientists discovered that the young of this species commonly fall prey to dingos (a species of dog). It was initially thought that adult Aussies were the natural prey of crocodiles, but it has recently been revealed that it is in fact the sting ray that is their natural enemy.

[edit] Names

A typical Aussie Bruce, waltzing his Matilda
All Aussies are named "Bruce", even the females. This may sound confusing at first, but after a while it makes complete sense. Being able to greet one-another with "G'day Bruce!", means that everyone is always happy, and one big family. However, after a recent national referendum on the subject, an overwhelming majority of Aussies agreed to formally adopt the overseas custom of giving eachother surnames as well. It is now common to see Aussies referring to eachother with second names too, which incidentally are usually: "Gazza", "Dazza", and "Johnno" for men, and "Sheila", "Shazza" or "Kel" for women.

[edit] See Also

Personal tools
projects