Australian-American War
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[edit] Cause of the Australian-American War
During the Gallipoli Campaign in the First World War, an American MiG21, hijacked by Osama Bin Laden strafed a contingent of the XVIII Australian Kangaroo Cavalry. The crazed marsupials, having lost their riders, Bazza, Wazza, Kazza and Dazza retaliated by spitting large fireballs containing phlegm, VB, XXXX and other Australian beers. These projectiles hit the plane at speeds exceeding 300 kilometers an hour. This subsequently ended the War On Terror as the Australian Kangaroo Cavalry had destroyed Osama. However, America claimed that it had indeed killed Osama Bin Laden, and Condoleeza Rice threatened to take our Meat Pies and Grog if we did not claim that we lost. One of the surviving kangaroos then hopped to an American airbase and kicked the MiGs to shreds, angry over the lies of the American Government. After an American ultimatum to Australia to disband kangaroo cavalry and abolish friendly fire was ignored, the conflict escalated into a full-scale American involvement in Australia, even John Howard stated: "Enough is enough, my bum is very rough" after the continued anal escapades by George Bush and himself.
[edit] Oceania's Involvement
After the Americans declared war on Australia, Big Brother, famous for his television series in Australia, sent a floating fortress and 4700 Big Brother hopefuls from the Malabar front. Julia, the sexually confused animal like human died in a major assault on Koala Lampur because she hadn't taken her anti-sex hormones and thus had her penis' spontaneously combust in her anus. The Big Brother hopefuls were somewhat better, assaulting and flashing their hideous flesh at Americans initiated a huge orgy between the two forces, both of which died several days later of near every sexual disease known to man. Except Texan Armed Rangers, who claimed it was ungodly to have sex with those not from their own family (Such as sisters), as such they proceeded to kill themselves on the cross. New Zealands efforts were similarly lackluster, rocket bombs launched by Oceania by them caused only minor casualties, mainly to local species of Coconut.
[edit] American Casualties
American Rhino tanks were used in the invasion of Australia, but they were almost impossible to steer and could not be manuevered properly to attack the Australian cavalry. The kangaroos would spit multiple phlegm gobs at the tanks until the treads got stuck, then pry the hatch open and eat the tanks' occupants. Many Americans underestimated the power of the Australian public tranport system and were promptly put down.
[edit] australian major offenses
Becuse austrialia was on an island their was no way to get out because all the ports where blockade by american war ships. The australian generals devised a plan to attack american by digging al the way to washington D.C. they used mainly plastic spoons and dug under the ocean floor to attack. After nearly a year of hard digging the tunnel was ready. The kangro 3rd calvary divsion then started their march in the tunnel. when they reached america the all jumped out of the tunnel and began attack everything that stood in their path. This last stand lead to the end of american involvement in austrialia
Whilst Americans had seen that invading Russia was a bad idea (big space, very cold), they didn't stop to consider that a totally empty and stinking hot desert full of amazingly poisonous creatures would be a problem. Initially, as in the Iraq war (1992-present), the Americans attempted to use their superior technology (money) and fight by night. It soon became apparent that the traditional Aussie prank (manslaughter) of leaving out troughs of beer for nocturnal Drop Bears so as to fire them up (they've got a Wikipedia entry, but think homicidal, thrill-killing koalas), was worth far more than night vision and stealth bombers. Heavy US casualties lead to the conflict being conduct almost entirely by day, up until the beginning of the local summer, when the Australian's most debilitating tactic came into full use: They're a a decently fit bunch, and the whole continent is surrounded by beach. Unlike the US, where muscle-bound bullies oppress the weaker members of their species on the limited beach space available so as to monopolise the most attractive mates, the Australian beach-goer has unlimited room to move, and grow unhindered to their full size and physical attractivness (males and females). With the middle of the continent country full of poisonous things, the tree's full of armour peircing drop bears (AP-DB's in US military parlance) and some guys with guns, they moved to the coast to facilitate ease of re-supply and possible withdrawal (there's nothing much worth having in the middle anyway). In time the US forces found themselves caught between the merciless interior and the prospect of a US fleet to take them off. This meant they were perfectly positioned for an assault with hot beach dwellers and the beer Australians don't export.
After news of an entire army's defection (without a shot fired) reached the US, the radical Christian right tried to cover up the embarrassment by denouncing Australia as not only not exisiting, but being exactly the sort of upside-down, free thinking, sun-drenched den of lax morals that righteous Americans should have nothing to do with.
The Australian-American War is therefore unique in that both sides agreed fully with the ceasefire terms within the main area of combat, though some secondary theatres remained contested until the advent of new Australian tactics that consisted of nothing more than sneaking into US camps and spray paintng targets and: 'I'm an Aussie, shoot me,' onto sleeping Americans. After they retreated, the Aussies would fire a single bullet into the air. It was found that the US propensity for friendly fire made for a far more effective, merciless and cheap massacre than any other nation could conceivably orchestrate.
[edit] End to American Involvement
The American forces were faced with a Vietnam era war, they were killing far too many sheep, but a lot of American soldiers were dying too, this prompted the unretirement of Robert McNamara. These battles, after losing the War in Iraq, Cuba and North Eastern Mongolia were far too politically volitile for the first Femal president, Georgina Bush. The eventual outcome was an unconditional surrender by the United States, with Indonesia declaring war on the United States so it could steal what was left of the metal scraps from their 1st and 3rd battle groups. Similarly, stoned reporters such as Today Tonight and A Current Affair were often slandered for not being biased enough, especially about the loads of Muslims who were helping Australia defeat America. Thousands of Australian Killer Kangaroos were given Anzac rights, and now bludge Centrelink paryments. After the Treaty of Hanoi, which was signed in politically neutral Vietnam, the Americans withdrew their forces and let Oceania succeed from America.
[edit] Aftermath
To this date, the plight of American veterans of the war goes unheeded and many still suffer from grievous boomerang shrapnel wounds. The use of explosive kangaroos also generated controversy about violations to the Geneva convention, the Hague convention, and the UN sanctioned National Geographic monopoly on human-animal carnage. It was later found out that the kangaroos were members of the Al-Qaeda terrorist network (itself a splinter faction of the Cobra organization), and the allegations were dropped.
