Australian NUS
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The National Union of Students is Australia's peak bolshevic representative body. As such, they make a point of focusing on only the most important issues like the War in Iraq, The GATTS and maybe if there is some more time, VSU, all which might affect students in some way. The Union has a budget of over $1 trillion and firmly believes in accountability, always allowing students* to view its budget both online and accessible through one of the many branch offices.
Students* must be a Class 9 Bolshevic, be a member of the Labor party and have donated more than $1 000 000 to the NUS to gain access to budgets. It should be noted that the president of the union is a LIBERAL, SO HOW CAN IT BE BIASED TOWARDS LABOR?
[edit] CV Padding Wanks
While acting as a barely disguised vehicle for those interested in a future Labor party career, or possibly the Greens, the NUS has evolved into something more. It is now a source of cheap alcohol for the 'delegates', who are normally elected by their fervent left-wing supporters unopposed, and are sent to conferences to drink, have sex, drink some more and, if they get time, attend meetings. These extravagant and paid tours of campuses around the countryside usually result in important policy decisions being made. See below. But don't worry, just because certain groups that (happen to represent a large percentage of students on campus and also) disagree with the NUS are banned, doesn't mean that they've restricted the freedom of expression and representation of these groups.
No, of course not. Never. Not the freedom-defending NUS.
[edit] Important Policy decisions
The NUS is known for debating the "big issues". For instance, after a three hour debate several years ago, they formulated a policy in the event that a transexual person wanted to run for womens' officer. Not that there were any transexuals interested, but it was obviously important to students that they discuss this. The swift and decisive policy formulation resulted in a definite "it depends".
The NUS has decided that the Australian flag and the Young Liberals are evil, and thus banned them from all conferences, instead preferring to go with the Aboriginal flag and attendance of only their supporters. This cuts down on tedious debates where everyone's voice can be heard, allowing important decisions like the example above to be made without those pestilent dissenters.
Another important decision was that all conferences must be opened by an Aboriginal elder. This produced mass hilarity when an elder could not be found for a conference in Melbourne, leaving the future trade unionists and Labour Party hacks to sit on their arses for three days straight (not much of a change from their normal routine, really) until one could be found. The result was some genius flying up to Sydney, finding an Aboriginal in a Redfern pub, flying him down to Melbourne, and making him pose as an elder and open the conference.
NUS last year taught the Howard Government a few things about negotiation when, in response to the Howard Government not giving them what they wanted, they formally passed a policy of not talking to them at all. This "Silent Treatment" policy was Incredibly Effective, forcing the government to capitulate to their demands immediately.
[edit] The End?
With the prospect university social activity being destroyed (the prospect, of course, is referred to as Voluntary Student Unionism, VSU, or a fundamental human right), the NUS decided they should do something.
But not actually provide students with the information on how their money was spent, or what NUS had achieved. That's a trade secret. Instead, students were treated to hundreds of posters reading "NO VSU!", a cogent and well-articulated argument against VSU, which brought the depths of ingenuity and wit of student politicians to the fore.
While the NUS seems to realise its days are numbered, at least as a means of propping up left-wing students, the NUS is determined to go down with a fight. There'll be no reaching a compromise, and perhaps retaining some student services. Not the NUS. The NUS will continue to fund politically-based protests, rallies, conferences and piss-ups all around the country, or else!
Else meaning the NUS will take a STRONG position, and call for ACTION. They will send a PETITION! They will then send a FIRMLY worded, intelligibly-argued letter to the Howard Government, declaring "NO VSU!". This will soon throw a spanner in the works of the Evil Ho-WAR-d Government, and possibly force the curtailing of the government's Very Important legislative agenda in order to prevent more student protests. Not student protests!
The Education Minister, Brendan Nelson is quoted as saying "why should everyone be forced to subsidise those filthy stinking hippies?"
