Australio-New Zealdraic War
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“Are the sheep ok?”
~ Some New Zealander on the War
“He Poked me good”
~ Peter Halier on Being Poked
“Fuck me, another fuckin sheep war.......that's it New Zealand, SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on On The OBSESSIVE nature of New Zealanders and sheep wars
“omfG! +H@+ i5 DI$gU5t1NG BrO. I 4M 4 PH0B (FR3$h 0PhPh BO4T) N00b”
~ PH0B n00b on On Helen Clarke and New Zealander chicks in general
“Woah that's a lot of sheep!”
~ Yahoo Serious on the amount of sheep.......durr!
The Australio-New Zealdraic War began in 2000 and ended with the french losing yet another war. you have to feel sorry for them. oh yes and lots of people died.
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[edit] Background
Originally the issue at stake was cricket .... in particular a cowardly incident of underarm bowling in the early 1980s .... from there tempers flared.
During the 1990s, tension between Australia and New Zealand was quickly building. New Zealanders where beginning to get sick of Sheep Jokes and constently being tricked into starting wars with Indonesia. So New Zealend began to build its sheep army to gigantic proportions. The Australian Prime Minister John Howard stated "Struth, Thats a lot of sheep" and began to get aroused. The Americans, having destroyed "Old Zealand" in WWII quickly declared war on New Zealand and for good measure, Tasmania. For this reason Germany sent nein troops. Britain became confused and started bombing Mexico. New Zealand joined forces with the French, Swiss.
[edit] Forces
The Moutons The Moutons as they came to be known consisted of:
- New Zealand
- France
- Sweden
- America (They have done similar things like this before.)
The Axis Of G'day Cobba The Axis Of G'day Cobba (or AOGC) consisted of:
- Australia
- America
- Super Asia
- France (they really have a problem with this- they just don't want to lose).
- Canada
Note: Some experts have tried to claim that France can't be on both sides. But according to Erwin Schrödinger this is possible, so long as a French cat as kept in a box. Or something like that. We never could understand those Germans. And besides, the French tried it in World War 2 and it worked. So there. It only killed a couple Jews.
[edit] The War
The war began on the 17 of April 2000 in Auckland. Australia sent its force of 5 men to battle the first wave of New Zealand's sheep army. Australia won easily, and took a kip for the night. As they slept the entire french army snuck up on them. As the New Zealanders slept, the whole French army surrenderd and swapped sides (as they are prone to do). The French attempted an assault, however they got lost and assaulted Boris Yeltsin instead.
The Australians awoke the next morning and walked to their rental car in defeat, they noticed a couple of men on mooses coming over the mountain. It was the Canadians, after slaughtering the French. the Aussies said "But the French were on our side when you killed them" and the Canadians said "What? We aren't on any one's side. We only want to kill the French!!" and so they all rejoiced and joined forces.
Sometime a later they noticed about 25 (rumoured to be 800) men skiing down the mountain wearing watches and carrying knives, it was the Swedes. During the conflict, one Australian (Later found to be Peter Halier) was poked with a knife and had to sit the rest of the battle out. The Swedes thought they had won and cross country skied away into the sunset.
In an attempt to end the conflict in Australias favour, John Eels made a shot at a drop goal from 99 meters out. He missed, because his legs were eaten by a Maori Following this, a Hobbit grabbed the ball and ran end to end to score a try.
Confused, as they wern't playing a game of rugby to begin with, the Australians got bored, left to make love to whoever shot Amanda Vanstone, dig for Uranium and make a bunch more bestiality jokes about New Zealand.
The hobbit was later identified as Rove
[edit] Aftermath
Well not much really. The Australians agreed not to laugh constantly at New Zealand in return for New Zealand killing the rest of their human-sheep hybrids, as it was beginning to get creepy. The French apologised for their mistakes and are now trying to rebuild their army. The Canadians are happy because many French are now dead. The Swedes have joined countries with Switzerland to create "Swederland" so as not to confuse any more geography students. The Americans just stood round are were like, "Seriously dude, what the FUCK?! We want the Sheep!!".
The real aftermath can be seen in the fact that New Zealand, in yet another bite on the hand that feeds them, insisted on referring to the country Australia as "Aussie." The term "Aussie" is used by those who have evolved beyond sheep shagging as a person from Australia, and not Australia itself. This, and other signs of decreasing intelligence were originally thought to be a result of germ warfare on the behalf of Australia, until they realised "Oh, yeah, they're not suffering any side effects, they're just Kiwi's!" France got it's feelings hurt, Canada was happy and America threw its grotesquely obese weight around again. So it was a happy ending.
[edit] The battlegrounds 20 years on
It seems that this battle is not over, motherfuckers! The loss in the World Cup to fags has resulted in Kiwi's reported as "going for it like ................. Kiwis". Yeah, maybe not......
