Avalanche
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An avalanche is a natural phenomenon which occurs when a lot of snow slides down the slope of a hill, eating everything in its path. If you have even half a brain, you will most likely never encounter one.
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[edit] Description
An avalanche is a large amount of snow that goes down the side of a mountain, engulfing anything in it's way. it tends to happen in really cold places and at times of year when its really cold. And if you really needed me to point this out, i suggest you NEVER go skiing.
[edit] Appearance
Cold. White. Snowy. Big. Any more stupid questions?
[edit] Size?
Big.
[edit] Weight?
Alot.
[edit] Deadly?
...Nooooo....theeeeyy aarren't...
[edit] Etymology
The word "Avalanche" has a very long short history of its etymology. It was named in the 16th century after the Romansh word for "Descent of White Chocolate", which ironically, is pretty much what an avalanche is.
[edit] Causes
However, it is none of the above. It is caused when a mountain needs to take a shit "white doody" (DAMN CURSE THE FCC!).
Various things contribute to this. Because Mountains do not eat, they need to take laxatives, or their non-existant stomach will explode and the mountain will become a volcano (See Mount St. Helens). Also, it is believed that mountains become unstable, just before an avalanche is caused.
A common myth is that the mountain just got dumped. However, mountains are giant mounted rocks, stuck in the ground. Thus, they have no emotions or brains. Nor charisma, nor anything but lots of rock. Shouting DOES NOT cause avalanches. So you can curse at the mountain all you want, and it will not do anything about it. I know you've been wanting to do this since you started reading the article, so consider yourself lucky.
[edit] What To Do
Why do you need me to tell you? If you ever see an avalanche...GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT! If you are caught in the snow, you're already too late. It will crush, freeze, sodomize, and waste you until you become a part of it. Nobody will ever find you if you get trapped!
Okay, I lied. You have about a 45% chance of living if trapped. Although, thats not very good odds. You better hope that the chump whos on the slope with you knows what to do. Or...
Fortunately, people are building snow fences to slow the avalanche down. Once again, consider yourself lucky.
[edit] What to do to help anyone
Listen. You know as well as i do that if someone is buried under an avalanche, there is nothing to do to save them. They are probably buried miles below the surface. Ask yourself, "What did they every do for me anyway?"
however, if it was nothing of any real importance, who really cares? If they did something for you, ask yourself, "What can I do to help?"
Your answer is: Nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Abso-Fcensored-Lutely nothing.
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[edit] The Great Cherry Slurpee Avalanche of 1997
In 1997, some deranged maniac who didn't like slurpees took a large amount of Cherry slush and dumped it down the side of a mountain in Colorado. As Americans love slurpees, they ignored everything written in this article and went toward the avalanche, only to be tragically engulfed by the red slush of death. The population of america went down by more than 1 million people that day. One of the two culprits was captured and brought to justice.
It is impossible to find the one who dumped the slush, as it is impossible to find somebody who doesn't like slurpees. There are random searches every day at the airport for people who don't like slurpees. Anyone found will be sentenced immediately to life in prison. So, if we find you at all suspicious of not liking slurpees, we will him you down and kill you. And eat you. And drink your blood. And inhale your bones through a bong. You have been warned.
