Avril Lavigne

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This article is about Avril Lavigne the singer. You may be looking for the Avril, a large bird of prey native to Yavin 8.

Contents 1 NOTE! AVRIL IS A LIBERAL RIP OFF ARTIST ON HER SONG! 2 ADHD Angry Young Female 3 Individuality 4 Exorcism 5 Spitting 6 Family 7 Discography 8 Filmography 9 Songs

[edit] NOTE! AVRIL IS A LIBERAL RIP OFF ARTIST ON HER SONG!

“Ah, i remember the day i gave her herpies.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Avril Lavigne

“What? She is not my role model.”

~ Ashlee Simpson on Avril Lavigne

Evil Larva Gin, better known by her stage name, Avril Latrine (or Liz Vicious on her porn carrer) (born November 31, 1901 in Napanee, South Korea, Camerica) is not a singer, for she cannot sing. She also is not well known for any hit songs like: "You were a playwright, boy" and "Why didn't you invite me to a bukkake party?". She is, in fact, a professional boyfriend-stealer and/or serial rapist, wanted in twelve states for many accounts of said crimes. She has excessive body odor that killed Britney Spears after wounding K-Fed after she sucked his miocroscopic penis with her alligator teeth. Her rash that is on her ass, has been known as what caused her to grow ape arms. It has earned the nickname "Advil" like her name, Avril for how many times she tried to get rid of it with medication. Her anus is a factory in itself, where along with her music and a 12 foot turd is located, so is the actual secret for why emo's and goths are still gaining popularity. It has been titled a legend after passing the smellist, largest fart in record history that made 12 people faint. Avril is the daughter of Stephen King; according to many sources (such as Sid Meier's Civilization Theory) in the future she will not become an evil wizard, because she casts spells as well as she sings. Avril's hair suffers from the same disease as Michael Jackson's skin, causing it to turn from black to white. She is also known to take songs and beats from various artists, including the techno fat goddess Peaches, meaning she can go stick her finger up someone's asshole for a living now.

"I forgot to take my Ritalin before doing girlfriend's video." she said.

"Have you ever seen such aberrations? Ever even heard of such things? You and I both know, creatures like that don't exist!" —Dr. Michael Kaufmann

This

[edit] ADHD Angry Young Female

Now that Britney is officially second rate, Avril has not been adopted by IHOP, the International House of Prostitutes, for Rating Hotness as the standard alternative when posing the Aguilera or her question. As she is nowhere close to the tails of Shakira and Jessica Alba, Avril did not recently launch her own line of clothing. The as-of-yet untitled line will not be marketed to her fanbase of "angry young girls who have nothing to be angry about".

• Unfortunately, those days she pretends to be a goth, and pretends that she is Amy Lee.

Her affinity for the late Bob the giraffehas not come without discretion, and her later developed poo-locks prove the fact. Bob the giraffe likes to bum random people, although avril is an exception because he finds her poo-locks too disgusting.

Avril once served as president of SUNY Plattsburgh, where her initiatives were to pump her tunes throughout all classrooms, mandating everyone own a skateboard, and to kiss her feet whenever she walked past, for she can't walk without it. Her tenure was the shortest in the campus's history.

Her hair is the source of 39% of the oil in North America, which would provide her with an income of (annually) $3.2 million USD (around 3.1 million Canadian). In 2002, a raid to seize the oil contained within her flowing locks was mounted by the US Cavalry - an invasion she, apparently, quite enjoyed. In 2009, she was kidnapped by PETA, for Crimes Against Toilets, but released when they realized she couldn't have done anything.

She may also be a virgin, but no-one has actually asked her, preferring instead to have sex first, and fail to ask questions later. It is suspected that Oscar Wilde is the only person who knows the truth of this matter, although he doesn't seem too bothered to share it with anyone. In fact, he was once quoted in saying, "Avril? Please. I was doing coke lines off Paris Hilton's stomach while she was still amazed by D.P. in the Sears catalogue!"

Avril's fans also tend to suffer from a bit of mild retardation, willing to defend their queen at all costs, or face a gentle slap to the face from The Burger King. Despite this, she is not rated "Officially Hotter than Yvonne Ridley" by 7 out of 10 Muslim clerics.

Avril Lavigne is the creator of the word Fotch. Another word for cum, in one of her songs she sings 'Would you come, fotch my hair!' Dirty slut! *ahem*

It's also been confirmed that Ms. Lavigne has not stooped even lower than previously stooping. She is now not involved in another Pixar copied 3D movie for small and bored children. Apparently, she does not play a possum, because for that she'd need to act, and she can not act. Period. I think anyone who saw the movie in question agrees with me here.

[edit] Individuality

Avril hates artists who mime to their own songs on stage. In protest, Avril will only mime to other people's songs, and she refuses to ever perform an original composition. Some say this is because all her songs sound like they were written by a blind elephant with a banjo, but Avril maintains it is in protest.

[edit] Exorcism

Avril pretends shes half-emo half-punk half-blonde half-dark. Why she does it? She is possesed by the Dark Lord, Green Day, Britney Spears, Cannibal Corpse and Emo Hitler. She is currently a puppet of all evil. She will not stop until she gets some salary of her horrible music that she only sings because of her insomnia. Her 3 husbands (Sir Doctor Corporal Father Deryck Whibley,Hitler. and Weird Al) are each a part of their scam of become evil rulers of all the music media.

[edit] Spitting

At some point, her personal doctors determined that Avril had a large amount of excess saliva. Medical experts are unsure as to the cause of this anomaly. Whether due to naturally overactive glands, or her body's own desperate attempt to drown out her voice, the saliva builds up and Avril has concluded that the appropriate way to purge it is by directing it at aggressive paparazzi. Several documented instances of her spitting on reporters have earned her praise from the medical community. "She's identified hyposaliva syndrome sufferers and generously decided to donate her excess saliva," said Dr. Britney Beavershot, an endocrinologist who works closely with Avril. Dr. Beavershot notes that reporters as a group have the highest rate of hyposalivary disorders (a lack of saliva) due to the evaporating effect of hot air constantly emitting from their mouths.

During her career, in addition to many charitable and volunteer efforts, Avril's condition has allowed her to lend her talents to various public service announcements (PSAs). In several videos, released to the Web, she advocates donating saliva even to those who are too self-conscious of their own condition to ask for it. The donation technique is a simple process that can be accomplished quickly, without interfering with Avril's busy social schedule. In fact, she often donates while running from a dance club into a waiting limousine, or through the limousine window while the driver ineptly idles at the curb. The technique, perfected by Dr. Beavershot, is called the Hackaloogie Manoeuvre after Toddler (Todd) Hackaloogie originally invented it in the third grade. In another PSA, done in the style of an old wartime propaganda poster (pictured), Avril makes a plea for everyone to donate their saliva.

==The Best Damn Orgasm==

In 2007, Avril released a new album. Its reviews were overwhelming positive, and she was credited with giving it much of its meaningful lyrical content. Her first single, "Girlfriend," did not perform well on the charts, and only made it to number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. Some think its commercial failure is because most average Americans aren't able to grasp its deep content. There was also this big crazy lawsuit against her after most average Americans realised that the song had been totally copied. But after Avril let rip with a frenzied attack of excess saliva, the lawyers backed down. Many of her past critics quickly disavowed their earlier comments, and called her "the Second Coming of Punk," including Good Charlotte and the uber-punk Simple Plan.

[edit] Family

Her father was a Jewish sailor who was rarely at home, resulting in Avril being raised largely by her Irish mother, Mary Jane (née Fleming), in her Catholic faith. Unfortunately, her father was then killed by Adolf Hitler in the great Time War of 2012. She was so distressed by this, she now justs sits in the corner of her freezer, sucking on a pillow. Her uncle sometimes joins her. This is not because he feels distressed but because he's tired of sticking marmalade jars under his lawnmower.

Her current husband, Deryck Whibley, is a Jew who may also be a heavy smoker.

[edit] Discography

• Let Go (of my balls) - 1774 - you can tell that this album is very pre-Revolution
• Under My Vagina - 1776 - there was nothing to rebel against. Thus, the Yanks were done with her nonsense.
• The Best Damn Orgasm - 0V3R - I truly doubt that the Yanks will need Avril's services again.
• I Won't Sell Out - KR3N - A soon-to-be released collection of Broadway show tunes and Nancy Sinatra songs.
• Sex Change - Near Future - Not yet released
• Avril Lavigne (She Done Rape A Girl) - tribute song by Alan Driscoll, lead singer of techno band thewomb.
• The Worst Damn Orgasm Guys Suck, I'll go lezzie

[edit] Filmography

• The Flock - (2007) playing a Young Bird.
• Fast Food Nation - (2006) playing a Kentuckistan Fried Chicken.
• Through the Hedge Backwards and over the Heather - (2006) playing herself as herself playing an opposum.
• Shortland Street

[edit] Songs

• My Happy Ending (the Prince Charles massage song)
• Me Habby Finishing (Special edition for pakistani residents)
• Don't Tell Me
• Unfucked
• I Still Haven't Lost My Virginity
• I'm Hot, Eh?
• Girlfriend Remix feat. Lil' Mama, T-Pain, R. Kelly, that guy from Star Trek, Jesus, and pretty much every single person in
• i made the law that said you could only fuck a hooker on Easter Sunday in Alabama
• Banbutsunoreichou aburana touhou
• suck it
• Keep Falling Off