Awkward

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Awkward situations happen to a lot of people. Some people are even considered awkward themselves. Being an awkward person can be mastered by simply developing an unnatural fear of staplers, or just by becoming a very silent person who always curls up in a corner where ever possible, glaring at people who pass you by. These people are often avoided by any person who knows them well enough to classify them as an awkward person.

Awkward people are usually the source of awkward situations, but an awkward situation can occur at almost anytime and anywhere. For example: I recently spent my Saturday afternoon at an awkward Christmas party in November. The person who hosted the party cannot yet be classified as awkward by me, because I avoided her as much as possible throughout the evening. Another awkward situation can occur when you, by mistake, insult someone. This kind of an awkward situation, when experienced, is thereafter burnt into your brain, and can never be forgotten. These are the worst types of awkward situations, and it is unfortunate that everyone in the world will have experienced one at least once in their lifetime, if not, multiple times.

This kind of awkward situation was experienced by me just last month. I had just met a friend of a friend of mine named Dora. Taking notice of her belly, I asked when she was expecting her baby. She replied, rather meekly, "I had her 2 months ago." I apologized sincerely, and although she told me it was nothing, I will forever regret having spoken to that nice lady, or even having been born at all.

[edit] How To Avoid Awkward Situations

Awkward situations can happen anywhere, at anytime. You are most likely doomed to have at least one in your lifetime (please, use condoms to avoid having to put this burden on your children). No matter what anyone might say to you, if there is a pause on the phone, or in any sort of conversation, do not, I repeat, do not say "Awkward.." or "This is awkward", or anything along those lines. It doesn't avoid the awkward silence, it CREATES it. Unless you are a professional, or a naturally awkward person, stay away from creating awkward situations. You never know what kind of psychological damage you might cause an innocent person.

[edit] How You Know You're In An Awkward Situation

• people staring
• people dropping their drinks from their hands
• people avoiding your gaze
• people making the Awkward Turtle, giraffe, rooster, zergling, platypus, lobster, moose, brontosaurus
• use of the awkward candle, flashlight, balloon, or tea cup