Uluru
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“Is it not a thing of beauty? Fuck that! Those Anangu people go like rabbits.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Uluru
Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock, is a big red rock in the middle of Australia famous for being a big red rock in the middle of Australia.
That's it. Honest. Millions of parents drag kids from all over the country - hell, all over the damn world - to look at it. You're not even supposed to climb it or take photos of it, thus making it the third most boring and stupid tourist "attraction" on Earth after the Eiffel Tower and the grave of still-living Chuck Norris. On the plus side, it's said by some to be a friend of Barack Obama. The bad news? It's Republicans that are saying that.
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[edit] History
On 19 July 1873, the explorer William Gosse visited the centre of Australia and found it distressingly empty and boring. Fearing a downturn in tourism, the native Australians panicked and advised Gosse stay the night and he'd see something "really good" in the morning. The next day upon emerging from his tent, Gosse was rather startled to find a big red rock, several miles across, which hadn't been there the night before. Upon making enquiries of the not-at-all-suspiciously exhausted and covered in red paint natives, he was told that they'd been hiding it for "religious" reasons, and promptly charged him £20 for looking at it.
Upon being told it was called Uluru by the Aborigines, Gosse decided that it was a funny foreign-sounding name, and promptly renamed it Ayers Rock after a young girl back home whose pants he totally failed to get into both before and after naming a giant pebble after her. It is known today as either Ayers Rock, Uluru, or That Damn Stupid Pebble.
[edit] Description
Uluru is
It changes shades of red depending on how many coats it's had recently the time of day and the season.
[edit] Legends
A number of Aborigine legends have been told to tourists over the years, one which states that it is a giant wombat dropping. Another legend describes it as a giant meteor chipped off from the Face on Mars by over-zealous miners experimenting with hyperchisels, which was subsequently blown off the planet and brought all the Mars Upials to our planet. Yet another legend states that Ayers Rock is a magical portal to Koala-Walla Land, home of the Noozles. One thing that all the legends agree on is that it is definitely not a tourist trap made of papier-mâché. Honest.
[edit] Restrictions for tourists
[edit] Climbing Uluru
The local Anangu do not climb Uluru because, so they claim, of its great spiritual significance. They insist it has nothing to do with the suspiciously footprint-sized holes near the base, or the way Uluru tends to vibrate in high winds. Nope, it's for spiritual reasons. They also ask that tourists do not climb it, unless they follow certain specific marked paths which bear a startling (though completely coincidental) resemblance to wooden bridges, and people who deviate from this path often vanish under "mysterious circumstances". These disappearances have been blamed on God, baby-stealing dingos, dropbears, Scientologists or aliens. Any mention of large holes which subsequently disappear after nights full of woodworking noises are explained away with shifty looks and claims of "baseless superstition".
[edit] Music
Shoddy tribute band Two Humps used an image of Uluru for the cover of their EP 'Live at Pompeii'.
[edit] Photographing Uluru
The Anangu also request that visitors do not photograph certain sections of Uluru, as they are "undergoing renovation sites of worship. Or something. Bugger off and take your damn camera with you!"
[edit] Surrounding Attractions
Absolutely bugger all. Apart from another set of rocks. The Olgas. Even more dull.
[edit] Superstitions
It is often reported that the rock is a piece of mars that was bought back to earth by god after he returned from holiday. Upon realising it looked stupid and pointless, he tried to flood the earth, but the big red rock survived, and so he decided he would let puny humans stare at it instead.
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