Aztec

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Aztec.

Azteks are one of the most misunderestimated nations in human history. They have not led us to any more important discoveries in elementary school-level science.

A typical Aztek.

1 Medical discoveries
2 Sports
3 Other unsorted accomplishments
4 Modern Times
5 See Also

[edit] Medical discoveries

The Azteks are perhaps best known for the odd human sacrifice, which in reality they never practiced. It is most likely that the Spanish conquistadores, who saw blood splattered on walls everywhere, were not aware they were actually visiting an Aztek hospital, after a successful heart removal. Even today some tourists mistakenly believe they visit Aztec temples while they are actually visiting Aztek hospitals. Indeed, the Mayo clinic derives its name from the Mayan Indians who learned about open heart surgery from the Azteks.

Furthermore the Azteks had a remarkably well organized ambulance system. Despite the lack of politicians and the Internet, carriers managed to carry ill patients from Tlaxcala to Huitzilopochtli Hospital in less than three hours. It is said that the Aztec High-Priest Ahuizotl personally healed 80.000 ill Tlaxcalans during the inauguration of Huitzilopochtli Hospital in 1987, when he should have been initiating a war against Singapore.

In short, Aztekians, as they are known in higher academia, were cute, cuddly, soft spoken and damn good at crossword puzzles and cross stitch. Their placid and idyllic culture would still be with us today if it hadn't been for those meany Europeans, sickening the native population with colourfully animated, yet ultimately boring, speeches about burning in hell and Jesus and pot-bellied elephants and so on and so forth.

[edit] Sports

The most famous sport for the Azteks was called "Hechtol Neotyl" or Little Whinning Caf With A Shrivled Rectum. Not much is known about the ancient sport, but it is said they played the game for weeks on end. The rules were simple, no sexual intercourse with the "tight" caf, and no escalades. The goal was to pick up the caf, hurl it over onto your back, then run down field trying to get the caf to puke. If it did, the victorious team would then proceede to rip out the rectum and smack the opposing teamwith it. While simotaniously being baraged by the rotting, bloody, shrivled, salty, rectum, they would try to grab the rectum back. if anyone puked on either team, that man would then get his rectum torn from underneath and the other team members would receive it to continue smacking others in the face. The rectum-less man would then be eliminated and the game continued until all players from one team were rectum-less. To decide which team would carry the caf downfield frist they decided to kill a slave girl and guess what color blood would spill. A popular geuss was red.

Aztec in battle.

[edit] Other unsorted accomplishments

They were the first to use high tech weaponry. 'Az' was the Aztek word for 'high', and since they were a race of giants they called themselves Az-techs. Although in real life they were shorter than the average Asian. As a result of their weapons of mass destruction, the Azteks were well known terrorists. Their empire reached its peak during World War II, in which the Azteks stormed the beaches at the Battle of Galapagos, breaking the Inca control on the region.

The Az-techs had a variety of weapons, and the most famous was a mind-controlled electromagnetic experimental unit. Their most feared weapon was a robotic eagle, eating snakes and cacti. Unfortunately the Spanish robots carried computer viruses, damaging the Az-tech systems.

Another example of Az-tech weponary, were their super heavy proton cannons, which were so heavy, it took the combined power of 2 ants to move it across battlefields. They fired extremely dense beams of protons at their enemies but were finally considered obeslete due to the shortage of ants to move them.

The Azteks also used a highly accurate calendar. Since they were not aware of time zones however, the Aztek calendar is completely useless today.

Attempts of revenge, most of them in Liverpool and Bath, have not been very successful. Cortes's revenge however, attracted some more Incas.

Gandhi has been greatly known to have been proud of his Aztek Heritage. Which made him go through some honorable actions against many foes.

Many Azteks are still alive today, surviving undercover as normal people across the world. The Azteks discovered the secret of immortality, and in order to protect the secret, faked the destruction of their own empire. The Aztek Empire still exists today, spear-headed by none other than Bill Gates. The Aztek Empire is now known as Microsoft.