BBC
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“I watched Dr. Who and now I through up when someone mention the BBC......GRRRAAA”
~ BBC spectator
“The BBC used to like me, yo, then they had me shot”
~ 50 Cent on BBC
“I love using the BBC in conversation; it makes me feel so pretentious. As in, Ah, I heard that on the British Broadcasting...Company? Shit, what's the C stand for?”
~ Oscar Wilde on this article
“My favourite bit was when Greg Dyke fell through the bar”
~ The BBC on the BBC
“Haha!Dyke!”
~ You on Greg Dyke
“World domination is but an episode of Top Gear away”
~ The BBC's motto
The BBC (pronounced "beebeesea"), sometimes jokingly referred to as the British Broadcasting Corporation (it actually stands for Bill Bailey's Chin-worshippers) is a left wing think-tank that has gained self awareness and is running out of control. It is made from an organic fluid that grows at an exponential rate and expands to fill any publishing void.
It appears to be on a maniacal mission of global domination, achieved through a (misguided) strategy of producing cookery magazines, cuddly toys, concerts and sandals.
Occasionally it broadcasts a television programme, but only if it is a repeat of Little Britain or Murder She Wrote, or contains three celebrity judges, has a competition that fakes its results or it edits things badly and ends up making a stupid apology.
[edit] Origins
The explosion of a tank carrying radioactive shells in West London lead to a gay trendy wine bar, a sandal shop and an incontinent aunty from an old aristocratic family being exposed to horrendous levels of structure changing radiation.
In the morning after the dust settled the area had been replaced by a white monolith and the organic matter had transformed itself into its favoured physical form - a colony of triffids. Motivated by a twisted recombination of its constituents, it began broadcasting its demands and threatened to cover the entire surface of planet in its message of sandal wearing libertarianism and blind deference to institutions.
To temporarily placate the White Monolith it was decided that a steady supply of Oxbridge humanities graduates be sacrificed to it every year. They are subsumed into its organic matrix and enter into a twisted symbiotic relationship, where the organism feeds of their inflated sense of aesthete in return for inordinate pensions.
UK politicians have colluded with the monstrosity and allowed the beast to tax all inhabitants of the UK in return for broadcasting their messages and plugging Alastair Campbell's diaries.
Part of this deal required the BBC to hire smug bastards that are condescending towards fringe activities and Americans, and to carry a positive story about the monarchy every fortnight; to remind the nation of why we are paying their wages.
[edit] General Remit - Everything is okay
When not seeking further expansion, the primary job of the BBC is to stop the poor people rioting about the rich people taking all their money and to thus maintain the status quo. They do this by transmitting 'EVERYTHING IS OKAY' 24/7 to everyone's radio and various other distraction techniques that involve stories about cute fluffy kittens being rescued. Reminding people that 20% of the people own 80% of the land would agitate the masses, you see.
It also functions to ensure people keep shopping after major terrorist incidents.
However this is changing since the commissioning of the 'No Shit Sherlock' report which concluded that their secret was out, (and more worryingly) audiences were going straight to the BNP website to get around BBC News' group think. Recommendations included letting on the odd non sandle-wearing-liberal-metrosexual view, so at least the BBC could filter them a bit, rather than have the audience go straight such websites and get unadulterated nuttyness. Ties were out and sitting on table-tops in, so newscasters could be considered 'one of the lads'.
[edit] Aunty
The BBC is occasionally known as 'Aunty' because of the lady who was involved in the radioactive accident. The first Director General was so embarrassed by her that he said she should have been "locked away and never be seen again - just like aunty, who was incontinent, deaf and so uninhibited through Alzheimer's to hump any visitor's leg".
[edit] Budget
“What is rightfully yours is automatically ours.”
~ The BBC on the license fee
Bloody loads. For around half of NASA's budget we get fat balding men throwing tantrums. And Eastenders too...oh wait that's fat balding men throwing tantrums too. But come on, could you do better on 10 million a day? The breakdown of funds per annum can be seen as thus:
- Income: £1 trillion
- International revenue: £950 billion
- Source: Selling old episodes of Top Gear and Little Britain to America
- Taxpayer's money: £50 billion
- Source: You
- International revenue: £950 billion
- Outgoings: £1 trillion
- BBC Trust: £100 billion
- Reason: 'Money has got to come from somewhere if we want to keep buying those tea and buscuits' and 'My villa on the cote du azur does need cleaning staff'
- BBC Monitoring: £200 billion
- Motto: Watching the world for license fee avoiders. And possibly hostage situations.
- Channels: £500 billion
- It's hard work showing all those re-runs
- World domination slush fund: £100 billion
- Its just a little nest-egg for later
- Director general, staff and presenters: £99.99999 billion
- My eighth villa is having air conditioning troubles
- Charitable causes: £0.50p
- Every little helps
- BBC Trust: £100 billion
[edit] Publications
The BBC also broadcasts a periodical named the Radio Times (repeated on Sunday on BBC Two). This esteemed document - of which only six copies are made each year - is adored by the residents of Aberystwyth, who appreciate its highly absorbent quality when used in the communal outhouse. The Radio Times is protected by Order of the Privy Council, but "Other listings magazines are also available." Only the Queen is allowed to use the Radio Times to find out when The Six o' Clock News will next be broadcast.
Another BBC publication, The Listener, was thrown into Belgium in 1666 because the crossword was too difficult. Any sightings of this highly dangerous magazine must be reported to Interpol or the not-as-famous-as-Interpol band of the moment from New York, FBI.
The BBC broadcasts flatulence from around the world including the Puerilevision Pong Contest, along with other educational and entertaining programmes. It is generally believed that the BBC's greatest achievement was The Teletubbies, a hard hitting drama/documentary, following the lives of four Satan-worshipping drug addicted paedophiles, as they attempt to live life their way.
[edit] Broadcasting House
Famous the world over, licence fee money is being used to add more and more floors to the Broadcasting House; plans are underway to build an international airport on the roof, along with a ski slope and rocket launch facility - the Board of Governors are convinced that this will eventually bring in more revenue than it costs.
“The Sky's no limit”
~ BBC Director General on Broadcasting House
“The new Broadcasting House will give us a great opportunity to meet God”
~ Heaven and Earth Show on Broadcasting House
[edit] BBC Television
[edit] BBC One
“It is a poor channel I have grown to detest. Damn BBC One.”
~ Jonny Miller on BBC One
“You lied to me Eve!”
~ Fred Elliott on BBC One
“Wow! How did you get the hippos to swim in a perfect circle!?”
~ "Your Mum" on BBC gap-filler
BBC One was the UK's second terrestrial TV station. It would have been the first extra-terrestrial TV station except that the bloody Aliens didn't pay for their TV licence. BBC One is sometimes called the English Channel, this is made even more tempting considering it shows so many programmes to do with fish.
Since being spawned from the BBC's first television channel, BBC Two, it has become famous for the development of its idents. Originally just a globe or clock between programmes, these advanced to the famous "BBC Zeppelin" of the 1990s which always crashed into a hillside. They then took a horrid turn and began airing idents featuring typical Britons engaging in typically British pastimes. The current idents feature circles in random places whilst some overpaid cokehead tells you that Strictly Come Dancing is on next. No, not crop circles. There no aliens here. No experiments. No cure for AIDS. Nothing to see here. Not at all. Nope.
BBC One is the home of numerous legendary British television shows recognised worldwide including Doctor Who, Top Of The Pops, My Hero, Terry Wogan in the 25th Century and Monty Python.
What's on BBC One tonight:
- 8.00pm: Britain: How we invented everything in the world, yah-boo-sucks to you, get over it
- 9.00pm: Diana Conspiracies: How and why Prince Philip had her bumped off
- 9.30pm: Little Britain (your chance to see 'that' episode again for the one hundredth time this year)
- 10.00pm: The Nine o'Clock News
- 11.00pm: Not The Nine o'Clock News (no, that was on at 10:00)
- 11.30pm: Family Guy (put on at a ridiculously late time meaning no-one will watch it and therefore it has no chance of breaking into the mainstream)
- 12.00pm-06:00AM: Some woman in bright clothing waving her arms about and blocking up the screen. She stands there protesting every night about how many repeats there are every night and yet is not dealt with, it must be very trying for all the deaf people trying to see what is going on.
[edit] Children in Need
On 16 November 2007 it was the annual festival raising money to pay the BBC Electric Bill hosted by Terry Wogan.
Kylie Minogue whipped the children into a frenzy with a hot routine, The Spice Girls then bored them rigid. Amy Winehouse was in rehab and so couldn't attend.
The teddy bear icon was overthrown this year as Roland Rat and Greg Dyke hijacked the show.
The highlight of the show was the lingerie catfight which was won by Fiona Bruce who pinned Emily Maitlis to the floor easily, Joanna Gosling was more difficult but eventually succumbed to Fiona's greater weight, Jeremy Clarkson said both had fine bottoms and he would be happy to be under either.
Later Terry Wogan was found in a cupboard hugging a pile of wooly pullovers before being taken to rehab, after this they just showed past years shows and nobody noticed even when it was in B&W.
[edit] BBC One HD
Launched in 2006 when the BBC was forced to have an HDTV channel. Shows same programmes as BBC One. Plus extra 4:3 safe areas for viewer satisfaction. A spokes person claimed "It's the same as BBC one but costs much more, so everyone's a winner"
[edit] BBC Two
- Main article: BBC Two
BBC Two has been seen with strange men and should not be allowed out after dark. As the estranged mother of BBC 1, it feels that it can go out at any time it jolly well feels like. Rumour has it that it is secretly having an affair with ITV One, and that Channel Five is their love-child.
BBC Two plays the Television shows that BBC One deems are below its calibre. Thus documentaries like Red Dwarf and Mastermound are shown on BBC Two. Also Newsnight with that God-awful Kirsty Skwark appears on BBC Two, so if you happen to be awake at that time, it may be a good chance to shoot your television. The Office was eventually shown on BBC Two after being on UK Nonsense for 12 years, following a revolt led by Trevor MacDonald and John Snow. Angus Deayton is banned from BBC Two (allegedly), and lethal force has been authorised should he be seen in or around Broadcasting House.
[edit] BBC Switch (On BBC Two)
What the hell is BBC Switch?
[edit] BBC Two HD
BBC Two HD is a high-definition feed of BBC Two. It will however feature nothing but Ceefax headlines in high definition around the non-existent clock. It is expected to launch in summer 2007.
[edit] BBC Three
BBC 3 it started as a beginning for Roland rat in 1984 but got scrapped for 19 years, following the disastrous "Devil's Hump incident". The station was retained as a top-secret channel for broadcasting governmental and military information to agents posted around the country. The data was encrypted using the special "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps" algorithm, causing the sensitive data to appear in such a way that would cause anyone who accidentally saw the channel to immediately switch it off.
However, in 2003 the signal was discovered and mistaken for a genuine channel, since then the BBC has had to keep up this pretence in order to keep the conspiracy under wraps. Since 2006, BBC Three has been renamed Channel Torchwood and for unknown religious reasons refuses to show anything other than Torchwood or, if you're a very good boy, My Man Boobs And Me.
[edit] BBC 3.1415926535897932384
BBC 3.1415926535897932384, or BBCπ, a TV station first proposed in Two thousand and fire, it was going to broadcast exactly the same programmes as BBC 3, but 0.1415926535897932384 seconds afterwards. However, this channel failed to launch, after πTV threatened to sue. Although it sounds stupid, BBC 3.1415926535897932384 is still operating on the new server of Greeview. This is the sister rip-off compant of TOP UP TV.
[edit] BBC Four
[edit] BBC News (24)
We Don't need anything here if you watch News 24 all Day You ,Like a Radio 4 listner, you would have no soul.
[edit] BBC News (25)
The BBC felt that they didn't have enough news channels and so launched News 25, this channel consists of 24 hour reports of Lady Diana Spencers death and gives a platform for Mohammed Al Fayed to express his opinions of what is going on in the world, in the confident knowledge that no one is being bothered by this.
[edit] BBC Naked News (24)
The British public soon became very bored with normal news, so the BBC Launched BBC Naked News 24. This is an exact simucast of News 24 except that the fit (and unfit) news presenters are not wearing any clothes, also the titles are pink and instead of the Beeping it goes F**K, F**K, F**K, you get the F**KING Picture!
[edit] BBC Five
Top secret highly secretive governmental security channel which can be found by switching your television set to channel Z0MG H4X!. Yes, that is a channel number. What do you mean your remote control does not have letters?? THEY'RE RIGHT THERE, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!! GOD.
Due to the strict governmental Secrecy Act 5.798, Subsection 5b, verse 28, "And God said unto the earth BBC 5", this information has been totally erased and any traces of it wiped from the internet and Uncyclopedia's registry. Thank you for your cooperation...
[edit] CBeebies
CBeebies is a channel created for, and run by, toddlers. According to the channel's commissioner it launched in the year sixtyten, and has been known by many names including "BCeebies", "BBCBies" and "Maurice." Many important programmes are or were once broadcast here, including Big Cock Little Cock, which was unfortunately cancelled after Big Cock cooked Little Cock; not to mention Balamory, where people live in brightly coloured houses and wear kilts.
The Teletubbies, whose original ambition were to provide entertainment for toddlers, are now bidding to take over the Board of Governors.
Saira Khan started a programme on it recently called Beat the Boss, in which a group of 3 children, aged 8 to 12, pit themselves against her and 2 other adults, with a panel of 25 children cheering the fight on from the sidelines. In the event of no pins or submissions, the panel decides the matter on points. Although on one occasion she was subjected to a Boston Crab, mostly her novel ideas for human cushions have carried the day.
Its most profitable line of programming is Bits and Bobs, two really crappy bitmap drawings of tribbles who argue over what one does with a bikini. This is actually true. What does a tribble do with a bikini?
The Tweenies were the most notorious CBeebies show ever, involving sex, drugs and action. And that was just the dog. Milo and Jake ran a high-profile drug gang in Chelsea, with their bitches, Fizz and Bella delivering 'The Goods' by bicycle. They bought their supplies off a Peruvian drug dealer, Max. Despite his age, Jake's negotiating skills got them a place in Max's heart. In Season 7, Bella dumped Jake and went to the cops. The season, in fact, the show finale was a gun battle between Milo, Jake and Will Smith, where Max detonates the TWEENBOMB and explodes them into nothingness, leaving the show on a cliffhanger.
Tweenies, The Fizz Chronicles, is in the works. The story follows Fizz as she tracks down the group that Max worked for and his MO for activating the bomb. It is unknown if she can succeed in saving the Fimbles from the Balamory crime syndicate, but to do that, she'd need to use Doodle's inter-showmensional device.
[edit] CBoobies
After complaints from rowdy men about having to pay hundreds of pounds (NOT DOLLARS -unless it's an American channel) to be able to watch porn, the BBC relished in being able to release their new porn channel, CBoobies. This resulted in a three-fold fall in the number of sexual crimes in England, with many 'would be rapists' (both men and women - England's a bit odd) having a safe outlet for their sexual desires.
[edit] BBC World
BBC World is an international news channel that is dedicated to providing important news in a fair and balanced fashion, hence why it is not yet available in the United States (outside of New York).
[edit] BBC America
BBC America is the BBC's entertainment output in the United States. It's entire programming line-up consists of "What's this Worth" programming, gardening tips, Monarch of the Glen and Footballers Wives. They also air BBC World bulletins in the morning and in the evening to tease viewers who cannot receive the full channel. This has resulted in many instances of attacks against cable providers, especially Comcast, in that case, threatening to hold their cable modems hostage.
[edit] BBC Prime
What used to be the prime place for entertainment, but now causes people to become so bored that their heads asplode. This channel can be seen in Europe. The BBC Says in response to poor programming "Well you don't pay licence fee so why should we give a damn?
[edit] BBC Entertainment
Because of plummiting subscriptions the BBC relaunched BBC Prime into BBC Entertainment but it is actually an exact simulcast of BBC Prime in Africa and Europe except for a different DOG. Subscriptions are rising because people are now locked into new contracts! Another Victory for the BBC!
[edit] BBC ITV
BBC ITV is the BBC channel for programmes/ideas nicked from ITV, claimed as their own. In reality, every programme was pinched from some other channel, the only exception being Songs of Praise which is really the best the BBC could come up with.
[edit] BBC TV Broadcast schedule
The following is a snapshot during a day of BBC output:
[edit] BBC One
- 9.00pm: Little Britain - another chance to see the hilarious landmark TV series.
- 10.00pm: BBC Ten O' Clock News (with Huw Edwards)
- 10.30ish: BBC London News ("Regions, what regions? I only see London on this map.") - Another kid gets stabbed or shot and the Olympics drown the city into ever increasing debt or there's more algae in China (who gives a shit about algae?).
- 11.00pm: Some comedy too shit to show before 9:00
- 2.30am-5.00am: Weatherview, then BBC News 24 (SPOILER: It's the same 30 minute news loop until the morning.)
- 5.00am until all day: 30 minute news loop continues until ITV threates to sue, where the 09 premium rate £555555 a minute is rung and bbc makes another program on how bricks are laid (Brickaphilics).
[edit] BBC Two
- 8.00pm: Hat Story - A fly-on-the-wall documentary about the journey of a fancy new hat from Third World slave looms to a third-rate celebrity's head. Subsequent programmes may run late.
- 9.00pm: Little Britain - a sneak preview of next week's repeated episode of the hilarious TV series.
- 10.00pm: BBC Ten O' Clock News
- 10.30pm: Newsnight
- 11.00pm: The highlights of the BBC News at 10pm on BBC One on BBC Two
- 12.00am-6.00am: BBC News 24 or The Learning Zone. Whichever wins the fight. It's usually News 24. Unless Ceefax rears its ugly head.
[edit] BBC Three
9.00pm: Little Britain - another chance to see the first ever episode of the hilarious landmark TV series followed by every episode of Two Pint of Lager and a Packet of Crisps and Tittybangbang.
[edit] BBC Four
9pm: Little Britain: The Psycho-Social Ramifications of a Television Phenomenon (narrated by Simon Schama) - programme for people who want to watch little Britain but consider themselves to be above that kind of thing. Featuring lots of clips of Little Britain.
And of course not to forget Wainwright's Wanks which is on at various times of the day.
[edit] BBC News 24
7.00pm: News 24 Tonight - A sum up of the days headlines. What makes it different from the other newscasts, no one has yet to figure out. Nevertheless, it does give a reason to use all the fancy graphics. This channel is very popular for people that like beepy noises. The beepy noises go on for about 60 seconds at the top of the hour making this channel very fun to watch. WARNING: Don't forget to press red on your remote. YOU MUST PRESS RED OR THE LICENSE FEE VANS WILL KIDNAP YOUR CHILDREN.
[edit] BBC Radio
[edit] Radio 1
Main article Radio 1
Radio 1 is the BBC's groovy music station and can be heard at 247m. Many believe that the choice of such a deep profile has been the cause of the pitifully low listener figures for the station, 247m being vastly outside of NDL (No Decompression Limit) open circuit scuba diving. Radio 1 can be received by those divers willing to use exotic gas mixtures, such as Helium/Oxygen or Fentnyl/Crack vapour (only for those holding an 'advanced speedball blender' certification), however there is significant risk of brain trauma associated with such extreme dives. (See note on DS and DI, below). It plays chart music, that is music one would expect to hear coming from medical beeping machines as well as other chart music like the weather or nautical depth indicators.
Radio 1 was started along with the other 3 networks (imaginatively named Radio 2, Radio 3 and Radio 4) after a fight between The Beatles and George Martin which resulted in a large portion of BBC Broadcasting House in London collapsing and falling into a pile of rubble. This has never been repaired.
The Breakfast Show is hosted by ugly, gay presenter Christina Moyles, with help from Comedy Davina, Rachel and their assistant Jocieln (a Scottish helium addict), with the news and sport read by Diminic Burns and Chloe (who likes horses). Oh, and that annoying homosexual from Aberystwyth.
It is commonly believed that the name 'Radio 1' refers to the current number of cognitive listeners, n, + 1.
NOTE ON DS and DI-often incorrectly thought to stand for decompression sickness and decompression illness respectively, the acronym DS actually stands for 'Devalued Socially', whilst DI stands for 'Depreciated Intellectually'. These conditions occur when incautious divers return from perilous depths such as those required to scrape the bottom of the radio barrel, (e.g. Tim Westwood Show, Radio 1). Upon resurfacing, the change in ambient intellectual pressure causes dissolved inanity within the blood stream to come out of solution, often forming large bubbles in the brain, with associated loss of mental and social function. In some cases this is so severe that everything is displaced from the cranium, a condition known as 'bubble brain'. Victims of bubble brain are currently untreatable, however, they may be asked to present the 'drive time' show, although the U.N are believed to be in the process of intervening in this cruel practice
Radio 1 Xtra is just like Radio 1, but you need to turn it up Xtra.
[edit] Radio 2
Radio 2 is the UK's biggest National Radio Station. It has a policy of only employing great presenters, especially those previously employed on Radio 1. Terry Wogan also appears from time to time with his scintillating commentary on such wonders as the Eurovision Song Contest. Other "deejays" include Ken Bruce (famous for his scatological quiz "Poopmaster"), "Screaming" Bob Harris, Lad's favourite Steve Wright (accompanied by his "pussy" - his female co-presenters) and Chris Evans.
Radio 2 also features some alleged comedy items such as Parson and Naylor's Piss-weak Satire
[edit] Radio 3
BBC Radio 3 is commonly known as Pirate Radio. News, music and commentary are produced with a pirate audience in mind. Broadcasts include Fantasias on British Sea Shanties, general Arrgh and Shiver-Me-Timbering as well as the largest collection of parrot noises ever amassed on radio.
In addition presenters are not so much recruited as carried off in raids on other Radio Stations including notably Long John Silver and Geena Davis.
The Night Waves programme has been widely commentated on as being the best cure for insomnia anywhere.
[edit] Radio 4
This has become the first UK Radio Station to feature a programme set in the Future - The Tomorrow Show starring Sarah Montague, John Humphrys and Jim Naughty (who denies strenuously that he is really actor Robert Hardy) - some politicians who have gone on this show have never been seen again leading to accusations that John Humphrys has them for Breakfast, and there are suggestions that the thought of Sarah Montague may be getting him into a frenzy.
For a detailed guess, try this link about BBC Radio 4
[edit] Five Live
Previously known as Radio 5, Five Live started during World War 2 as a means to spread propaganda to Germany. The main problem with this was that it had to be done in secret as the Germans might find out what was being broadcast and hence it's title originally as the Secret Service or MI5 Live.
After the war, Radio 5 was moved from transmitting on Long Wave frequencies to Short Wave frequencies and for a short period, especially during the Isle of Wight festival of 1970, on New Wave frequencies. All of which is surprisingly ironic as transmission was erratic and not very frequent at all.
Eventually the station was disbanded and started to transmit nothing but sport. So desperate were they to find sport in which the British were actually winning in, Radio 5 changed its name to Five Live and set up a commission to invent new sports. So far only the sports of Water Unravelling and Farnarkling get regular airtime on Five Live.
More recently they have introduced some news items and renamed the station Germany Calling, 3 nights a week now Stephen Nolan gets on the rivals and starts the arguments in a novel experimental form of interrogation leading to gladatorial combat, it is his mission to find the most contentious people possible and make them argue with each - currently he is bidding for the rights to get some of the freaks from Big Brother into the studio with Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and a representative of the KKK.
Experiments in interactive sports have resulted in a number of spin-offs for presenters - Anita Anand's successful wrestling career for example and Rod Sharp's development of a cure for insomnia. Aasmah Mir also became the first British Asian to go into orbit, later though she challenged Anita Anand and quickly crashed to earth with Anita Anand sitting on top of her and under threat of being broken up she pledged to let Anita be top dog at the station and so now only does lunch.
[edit] Digital Radio
[edit] BBC 6 Music
This Radio service claims to be the only radio station in the world to play Whale and Bird song without commercials 24 hours a day. It has cornered the market on avian and oceanic radio listeners, but fails to pull any listeners who actually pay the licence fee. It's popular in America though, and that's all that matters, right?
- No-one can confirm the above as 6 Music has yet to find it's first listener. This is due to happen on Aug 25th, when I give my gran a DAB radio and she can't work it.
[edit] BBC7
BBC7 prides itself on being an all digital radio station. Most notable are its continuous stream of unintelligible beeps that resemble machine code.
Conceived as a station for comedy and drama it plays such interesting radio programs as "The Weather Report", "The Shipping News" and the award winning comedy "Nightly Business Report". It also plays "The Big Toe Radio Show" which if it isn't careful will be stubbed.
The Seventh Dimension.
And of course Tony Benn - The Wilderness Years, from the Ice Age to the End of the World (part of the 8th Dimension) recounted from start to finish, a second by second account in detailed analysis.
[edit] BBC Asian Network
(Note: Not to be confused with the terrorist organisation of the same name.)
Started in 1976 on a Local Radio, progressing by 1996 to quite a number of radio's and aimed at the British South Asian Community, from 28 October 2002 relaunched transcendentally by Sonia Deol with a mission to take British South Asian Culture to new worlds, to seek out new civilisations and reach the parts that no Desi radio station had reached before.
Under recent schedule changes Sonia Deol took over the flagship and now wakes everyone up in the morning in her brand new uniform, she loves dealing with transgressors and apprehending and restraining them herself and so fulfilling her teenage dream of being the Law: Sonia Deol Biography before she became Admiral Deol
There are many who wish to become Rear Admiral under her command and recently the BBC has greatly expanded it's investment in the BBC Asian Network to afford them this opportunity as part of it's Public Service remit.
Presenters Anita Rani, Nikki Bedi and Adil Ray are all very small and so are all now downloadable on podcast (an idea they got from The Invasion of the Body Snatchers), being pocket sized they can easily be carried about and sit on your hard drive without taking up much room. Nikki Bedi and Amanda Hussein are both only half South Asian although Nikki Bedi is the only one with any Vulcan and Pixie ancestry which shows through in her pointy ears and chin. Nikki Bedi is well known for her substantial funding to the Hydrogen Peroxide industry to touch up her roots constantly.
[edit] BBC World Service
Also known as The Whirled Service, this is a special service that keeps the world spinning, also available through Shortbread, during times of the British Empire it was discovered that since the end of the Romans a special signal had been weakening every year and they needed to broadcast a signal or the world would stop turning resulting in perpetual daylight on one side of Earth and perpetual darkness on the other.
[edit] -Famous World Service Sayings:
"Hello World, London calling"
"Hello World, London calling, please come down from the trees and listen to the white man"
"Hello World, London calling, If you are Johnny Foreigner, how did you get this wavelength and please leave!"
[edit] BBC Etc...
Nobody knows what this station is supposed to be for, apparently everything not on any of the other stations is the best anyone can suggest as a reason for it's existence. Has lots of style and no substance - Garage Music, Kitchen Music, Bathroom Music, Hopping and Cursing Music; Documentaries on among other things Projectile Vomiting, being a one legged one eyed pirate in Milton Keynes.
[edit] BBC Radio Yet More
Started since the digital revolution this is a service just to fill out some of the many new frequencies that have become available to the BBC as a 24 hour flatulence channel featuring some of the best efforts from presenters from across the BBC and with a wide range of guest contributions, including from the cast of The Archers in the special Methane edition of the programme featuring bloopers especially the time after the whole cast had consumed large quantities of Leek. Audiophiles have criticised this channel for its excessive levels of compression which allegedly ruins the dynamics resulting in loss of full stereophonic effect.
Notable presenters include Angela Let Ripon, Paul Cappucino, Michael Portaloo, Kirsty Flubalubb and of course Hotti Derriere.
[edit] BBC Other Services
[edit] BBC Wildfire
Smoke Signals: News service for Native Americans and New Age Travellers.
[edit] BBC: ESP
Transcendental Telepathy : A service broadcast across the cosmos for Timelords, presented by Dr Who.
[edit] BBC Royal
The Queen's broadcasting station: from the Queen and the Queen only. Most of it consists of her against the BBC.
[edit] BBC Classics
Retransmissions of old shows like Some Mother's Do Have Me and Gor Blimey Them Wogs Next Door, Eh?. Also features theme weekends such as 2006's "Del Boy Falling Through The Bar Over And Over Weekend".
[edit] BBC Shit
Your chance to avoid Eldorado, A Year In Provence and Laura and Disorder again.
[edit] BBC Little Britain
A news channel focusing on the headlines form Great Britain's sister country, Little Britain
[edit] BBC Feminism
One of the beeb's largest channels. Though it still isn't large enough to contain the enormous amount of man-hate the BBC displays on a daily basis.
[edit] BBC Sea
A channel dedicated to showing whale spank, for the pleasure of green peace.
NOTE: None of these Channels are available in Scotland, Because we're too fucking London-centric.
[edit] BBC Theme Song
- "It's the BBC,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
- BBC One,
- BBC Two,
- BBC Three,
- BBC Four,
- BBC Five,
- BBC Six,
- BBC Seven,
- BBC heaven!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- BBC BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY.....
- BBC PEACE!"
This theme song was written for the BBC, but was scrapped after about 50 seconds, including on channels hidden from the public. BBC Five is a top secret government channel accessible only by the current Prime Minister, Christopher Lee. BBC Six and BBC Seven are also not viewable (but they can be heard in radio form) and BBC Heaven is a special BBC channel only available to the dead.
BBC Peace is not a channel, but it is in fact the top secret password required to enter the BBC's hidden underground lair, containing such hellish places as the old Blue Peter studios.
[edit] BBC Employees
- Blake's 7
- The Chuckle Brothers
- Jeremy Clarkson
- Garth Crooks
- Cybermen
- Daleks
- Graham Norton
- Daleks
- Jim Davidson
- Paul Gambaccini
- Jools Holland
- Richard Hammond
- Mick Hobjob
- Henry Kelly
- Richard Hunter
- Gary Lineker
- The Master
- Scott Mills
- Chris Morris
- Davina McCall
- Sooty
- Vogons
- T. Wogan
- Tel Wogan
- Terrance Wogan
- Terri Wogan
- Terry Wogan
- 'Togmiester' Wogan
- 'The Wogmeister'
- Osama Bin Laden
- Eugene Sully
- A blow up Penis
[edit] What B.B.C. REALLY stands for
Please tick the correct answer
- Blair's Broadcasting Corporation
- Big, Bad & Crappy
- British Brainwashing Corporation
- British Boring Corporation
- Britain Banning Communists
- British Broadcorping Castration
- Bracketish Brainpating Clubs
- British Broadcasting Cogmeisters
- British Bore-you-to-death-so-long-as-you-aint-a-middle-aged-housewife Coffee-drinkers
- Britain Been-to Cambridge
- Banned Biscuit Corporation
- Big Badass C*nts
- Big British Castle
- Bigger Budget Cranks
- Bload Bof Crubbish
- British Bullshit Copyrights
- Bumbly Boo Crabcakes
- Brian Blessed's Cyclorama
- Oh I don't like to B Bside the Cside! Yes I don't like to B Bside the C!
- Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation
[edit] For more information, see
- Communism
- Feminism
- Channel 4 (alternate public broadcasting)
- BBC News (drums and beeps)
- TV License
- BBC Radio 4
- The Great Excommunication of Everything
- ITV (the commercial competitor)
- The News with Mick Hobjob
- S4C (welsh language alternative)
- List of Gay TV Networks
- Television presentation geeks
- McDonalds
- UnNews:BBC unveils plan to clone Natasha Kaplinsky
| The Beatles |
|---|
| John Lennon | Paul McCartney | George Harrison | Ringo Starr Yoko Ono | Pete Best | Ravi Shankar | Lenin | Michael Jackson |
| Albums |
| Thank Thank You (1962) | Without The Beatles (1963) | A Hard Day's Knight (1964) | Beatles For Sail (1964) | Hell! (1965) | Rubber Mole (1965) | Revolter (1966) | Sgt. Lt. Pepper's Only Lonely Hearts Club Bandana (1967) | Tragical Mystery Tour (1967) | The White Album (1968) | Fuscia Tambourine (1969) | Shabby Road (1969) | Let It Die (1970) |
| Compilations |
| Ringo Needs Some Money (1966) | Hey Judas (1970) | Charities (1980) | Ass Masters (1987) | The Beatles' Scientology (1996) | Two (1999) | Hate (2006) |
| Related articles |
| Beatlefication | British Invasion | Liverpool | Paul is dead | McCartneyism | The Revolution: A history | BBC | Beatles About |