BBC News
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“BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP!”
~ Oscar Wilde on BBC News
BBC News is the abbreviation of "Beirut Broadcasting Company" and the brainchild of george Michaels left testitcle and a small blue puppy. The two met at Oxford college, but formed BBC news 5 minutes before they actually met. The first show broadcast was a weekly serial following the lives of 3 rapists doing watercolour sketches.
Mick Hobjob is one of the BBC's most famous presenters, although he only managed to host one show, "The News with Mick Hobjob", before disappearing down a rabbit hole in the Sandwich Islands.
The BBC news is not without its sense of humour, which can jump out at you from unknown angles when you least expect it. It normally happens between the moments when you are imagining the woman who does the traffic reports in the morning for the London area without her top.
The recent cockup of interviewing the wrong expert for an article on the famous Apple Vs Apple battle really was Guy Kewney, but was later discredited as the wrong guy for divulging sensitive information on the enemies deployment stratergies.
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[edit] Fun Facts
- They often dressed in drag, thus they attracted the epithet "Attilla the Nun".
- They invented the cornball "It was a dark and stormy night..." format for news reporting.
- Half of it's programming consists of "drums and beeps" synchronised with an unusually long countdown.
- A typical story may run along the lines: "It was a dark and stormy night when an unsuspecting Macgregor Mathers stepped out of his Bentley to find himself brutally stabbed to the pavement." and then continue.
- BBC News own Surrey and other counties of the Rich UK where they continually rankle sexually repressed heterosexuals into ankle biting fetishes.
- The most popular BBC Newsreader to date has been Noel Edmunds, who was unfairly dismissed after shaving his beard off for Children in Need. Many letters of protest were received in the aftermath, but Noel was never reinstated.
- It was named the "Bagdad Broadcasting Corporation" after their exemplary reports from the front lines on the battle of infamous nature.
- Due to cutbacks in the wardrobe budget and the fact that the viewer never needs to see the presenter's legs, presenters are naked from the waist down.
- In the eyes of many, the show has never been the same since the departure of Nicholas Witchell
- The majority of BBC News' funding goes toward the fishing line used to open Huw Edwards' mouth. It can not be visible from the eye but if you look carefully you can definantely see that it is attached to the left side. Unfortunately this has meant that chairs for presenters had to be sold off and presenters can now be see standing for most of the time.
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[edit] BBC ONE Bullitins
- The BBC has three main bullitins: 1 o'clock news, 6 o'clock news and/or (not the) 9/10 o'clock news.
[edit] 1 o'clock news
The 1 o'clock news started back in 1867 when Anna Ford and Moira Stuart did their first broadcast (surprisingly, it took the BBC until 2006 to sack them for being old).
Since 2006, baby-care-centre owner Sophie Raworth took over. Originally starting on Look North she was hardly noticed (her prominent feature is her blonde hair which is not visible on the latest, hi-tech, black and white televisions that the North East were given in 1993). She then moved onto Breakfast television where she presented with Jeremy Bowen (who is currently on the security desk in Television Centre). It was then she was offered a job with a patronising git on the 6, before being shuved off by a wannabee celeb.
She is currently pregnant with her 46th child by the man in the below picture. This scene is one of the most famous events in BBC Television history as she soon slaps the weather presenter for refusing to pay money towars their child's care.
[edit] 6 o'clock news
This is presented by a patronising git and a wannabee celeb. However, Kaplinksky is to move to Channel 5 (sorry, just 'five') for a deal worth £5,000,000,000 per year and will be considered the "Queen of five", knocking Dez Lynam out of the competition. Below is an image of George Alagiah introducing a very important mispelt headline.
[edit] 9/10 o'clock news
Presented by Huw Edwards, the Ten O'clock news is considered the BBC's flagship bullitin. As mentioned above, Huw's mouth is opened and closed by a fishing rod.
[edit] Who watches BBC News
- British
- Dorks
- British Dorks
- Doctor Who fans
- Your dad (if he's British)
- Your mum (if she's British)
- Seriously not the French
Categories: Ideas | Media | Television | BBC Programmes
