BDSM
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“If you were a masochist in life, wouldn't it be a reward to go to Hell?”
~ Oscar Wilde on BDSM
“Be a Darling and Sing for Mummy?”
~ Oscar Wilde on yes of course I know what BDSM stands for!
“Oh yeah, baby, I've been a bad boy. Take away my commit privileges, yeah...I'm such a naughty boy”
~ Theo de Raadt on NetBSDM
“God loves us all and made us all perfect, and gave us the right to choose between good and evil. However, if you ask my opinion, someone should kill these freaks.”
~ Friar Johnes on CNN today: the Communinst legacy
“Hurt me!”
~ A true masochist on BSDM
“No.”
~ A true sadist on the above
“I'm a bad flooten-boy-glooten....”
~ Hermann Goering on the above
BDSM is an acronym of "Bloody Disgusting Sexual Manners". Though the practice has been known to exist for centuries (De Sade wrote about it quite favorably in his time), the expression was first coined by gentlemen of manners during the late '60's. These respectable elders were shocked by the upsurge BDSM enjoined as rebelling youths turned their eyes to the last bastion of decency and social order, the master bedroom. Convinced that such things as romance under the sheets, consensual sex and pleasure applications that actually did fit were just another straightjacket society imposed on them, they embraced BDSM as the highway to sexual liberation.
[edit] The Philosophy
BDSM operates on the philosophy that sex is not the perfect synthesis of two human souls, but the basic carnal drive that makes people put up with the other sex. Any other view on sex would be a debasement of our evolutionary roots.
[edit] Psychological Aspects
As previously stated, anyone who enjoys BDSM is an open minded, well rounded, highly intelligent Democrat, and damn good at what they do.However, Damn Dirty Pervert Disorder (DDPD), also includes other sexual disorders, such as homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, looking up the skirts of sheep and anything that results in syphilis. Unfortunately, professionals thought that the only cure would be placing the patient in a straight-jacket and giving them repeated electroshock therapy. After several unsuccessful trials, it was observed that the patients loved the treatment; in effect, the doctors had made the problem worse. All patients were released into the unsuspecting public, so now we have to deal with the influx of damn dirty perverts.
[edit] Roles in BDSM
[edit] Dominant/Top
The dominant, called a top, is in control of the sexual activity. A professional Mistress top is called a dominatrix, and holy shit, they are hot! No one cares what a male dominant is called, because men are controlling, dominant assholes anyway.Male tops can always be identified by their wearing of leather waistcoats and being a wimp despite their "status."
[edit] Submissive/Bottom
The submissive person in the activities is called a bottom. They are subject to the whims of their top, and must take anything the top dishes out. However, the bottom may utter an agreed upon safeword at anytime to stop the activity. Of course, it will probably be ignored, because everyone knows tops are just jerks and bottoms like having people poop in their hair and are just getting what they deserve for putting themselves in that situation.Ms.Leyla says: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me. So throw me down, tie me up, show me that you like me!"
[edit] Switch
A switch is a person that can (and will!) serve as a top or bottom when needed, sometimes within the same sexual encounter. This is the most severe sort of DDPD and is entirely uncurable. They are the most immoral and the most pervertedestestest person you'll ever meet. Switches are also immune to most forms of attack and so conventional warfare is useless. If you have the misfortune to encounter one, curl up into a ball and wet yourself or play dead. The switch might sniff you or mount you, but will probably lose interest and walk away. Then again, they might drag your supposed corpse on top of them or attempt to place a whip in your hand.
I guess you're just screwed if you encounter a switch.
[edit] In Space
If you are in space, there is no up or down, exactly the same as Gillette Mach 3 Turbo. You can't be on top or on bottom. There are no female astronauts anyway.It should be noted that no one will be able to hear you scream.
[edit] Practices
BDSM includes a variety of practices, from the nearly mundane to the extreme. Some common practices include:
- Being cuffed with handcuffs stolen from a police officer
- Getting a spanking with a shark-tooth whip.
- Being tied up by the top and waiting patiently while the top frantically searches through a Boy Scout manual, looking for the proper knot to hold the ropes in place
- Watching reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard
- Once tied up, the top will go get a sandwich (usually peanut butter and jelly); frequently, the top will eat this in front of the bottom and not even offer them a bite
- Listening to the in-laws discuss their views on Christianity
- Reminding the bottom of the time they wet their pants in the second grade
- Having hot wax from one of those overpoweringly scented Yankee Candles dripped on sensitive areas. Sometimes a bikini wax will follow.
- Looking through the bottom's high school yearbook and making fun of their dorky hairdo
- Whipping while the bottom fantasizes that Catwoman or Indiana Jones or some other skilled practitioner is doing it
- Telling the bottom they look fat in that outfit
[edit] Diagnosing
[edit] As a Disease
Liking BDSM isn't a disease, but it turns on bottoms if you tell them they have a disease so sometimes it is referred to as one. Generally it is considered that bottoms have the disease of Sado-masochism, but tops don't. They just like to beat the snot out of people.
[edit] Picking out Pervs
More often than not, lovers of BDSM are very intelligent, successful, charismatic, and turned on by handcuffs. Or whips. Studies show that people who like BDSM are pretty much better than you in every way, except, of course, that they are pervs. People who are into BDSM are everywhere--probably due to a contaminated water supply. Your roommate puts on high heel boots and pantyhose and ties himself up while you're at class, anyway, so get used to tolerating it now.
[edit] In Popular Culture
Madonna was looking damn fine in "Human Nature", where she sported bdsm wear. The song, however, really sucks. Beyonce Knowles was also looking damn fine in "Green Light" where she wore latex and ballet boots. However, the trombone solo took away anything good about the song. Percy Grainger, a composer in the early 20th century, was a Sado-masochist, so that's what everyone remembers him for.
[edit] Screenplay 2 eroticism thriller
In screenplay have a married couple Shayla LaVeaux and Wilde Oscar relations problem. they can not make each other clear what then wanted on sex please. Therefore asked help on Internet for a sex expert Veronca Hart. She urge to make deep fantasy to make it true. When they bring in the mood, she conjure up some wind up example on then computer screen. when they bring in the mood, she conjure up some wind up example on then computer screen.
Weclome to Adult live Chatline, let´s talk about sex! Veronica here sex therapist enlist and sex consulate , click the voice activation button see on your screen! Stay your suppliant and hangup. It a computer world , around a year we stay anonymous ,forty this fake name we feel real save, oh existence that. Are you fat and frustrated maybe hard and horny. Out of love. Mmm, i call that a haunch what you meaning, out of love that you hangup to. I think that no you business! After sheila and Wilde Oscar see your in screenplay 2 act of Juli Ashton , Shayla LaVeaux ,Nikita Denise and Vicca. In the movie Screenplay Nikita tiedup her boy friend to give unforgetuble eve! Nikita Denise is Czechoslovak Porn actress. She is Award winners porn actress in the Movie Screenplay with mosted wind up SM scene that have see! This is first time in my life that see a SM scene! This sex eroticism thriller Screenplay 2 is never come on television. Screenplay is a part of series of Playboy television that is made by Hugh Hefner.
[edit] Bedtimestory I'm am a dreamer of mistress
When dad put his little boy in bed and read him a bedtimestory; Once a time in your life there are a Evil women in your dream's! She is your Mistress and come only in your when sleep...IN TO NIGHT YOU DREAMS COME TRUE!... Your can not let go of this, she have force on you in your dreams, and control you! Then dad turn light off and leave room. Now your try sleep, but when your sleeping you dream of something strange. This is about your experienced fantasy world! Most men have naughty dream's and dream of young women be a mistress that all of there sexuality. Some strange feel what men or women have! Why desire he a sadistic mistress this? This say something that he is disappointing in love! Mistress make the wish true of naughty boy. But she is not bitch, she is so lovely like a dove and make wish true of men! When your have strange adventure in dream's go to darkness room of pain, where she can dominated you, or tiedup in jail to humiliated you with some [citation needed] bondage technology of Japanese Ninja out of Japanese (POW) camp, or she play the most dirty games with you and do you a lot of pain. Painful thing shall hapen and you cry like child, she spanking, whipping cream your ass! This all is what GOD have forbidden on earth! If you want stop that torture in your dreams, find not more funny [citation needed] ,don't worry you have a safeword! What is a safeword, if you find it not more funny what Mistress do you pain and your be out of breath!!!!!!,Your can say your safeword. Than your Mistress stop direct the danger game; This is a example of a safeword: Guantanamo Bay. In prison of Guantanamo Bay every prisoner terrorist have a safeword to stop torture pleasure of wardress! In this movie "playboy tv dutch television fox8 above 18 year's a women play naugthy games with a friend". I never shall know how is actress of this porn movie. [BDSM is part of Asperger syndrome]
[edit] The ladies at court slave 2
PRISON OR HELL ?! Jack, a subject of the Other World Kingdom, finds himself by order of the First Hoffmistress in the underground prison of the Queen Palace. He is left here at the mercy of young wardresses with their sadistic methods of re-education. Together with other prisoners he is starved, humiliated, severaly punished and misused for the entertaiment of the merciless
[edit] Full day Report of Czech wardresses in the Prisoner of OWK
The movie: THE LADIES AT COURT SLAVE II PRISON OR HELL?! Presented by The Other World Kingdom, [We Like To Watch]
Ldya: come a now ,where is that seat. used a men like a seat he are in PVC black dressing. dita, now go back to work. Lyda: hu i am just to lazy Dita: how you sleep last night? Lyda: pretty wel. Dita: wel i ditto. You just so glossy Lydia , hahhahha...
Dita: so arefful be so ugly Now girls are ready in Nazi clothes with high-heeled boots, and gloves. Lydia: come here, come tie s my shoes. Mike: he are slave in black PVC suit and he can notting said, when he tie s high-heeled boots of mistress Lydia, the lady's smoke a cigarette. Dita: You killer's move it Dita: So ready!!!!!! let me sit down, Dita: Stupid prick don't you know was post a long time to clean a go! Dita: I want die shine clean, Mike: lick high-heeled boots of Dita. Dita: You stupid do die other one's! Mike: he lick now richt high-heeled boots of dita like to lick a women boots very much! Dita: its a enough,
mistress leaving dressingroom and arrive now in to underground prison! There its cold and darkness in this room, and there were some 6 other imprisoned person sleep into night prison and some prisoner are sleep small cage. Dita walke to to prison and your hear every step of high-heeled boots, yell out an order,she hit barred and hear metal resound. Dita: I say get up you picks, do you not hear me comming? ,hurry the two wardress walke around prison and open a small cage, Jack are away in cage put behind lock a door, only Dita can open door, he are whole night in a very small cage on naked lie on a stone ground. Dita talke to him, Dita: You are so lazy , come on!!!!! He are lie naked on ground in this cage his arm and lieg are tie up with bondage and muzzle its nice to see! Dita talke to him: Dita: You don't what to eat now, of what , and you what get up? somewhat! Dita close unlock a door of cage leaving jack in darknesscage. She walk around prison and talke You don't want eat this ,hey? Dita: get up you rotting pick. Dita walk to prison behind two cellthere are two other imprison its Leeon and Hendry, he also under lock and key but not in small cage, you can see Bill are on chain up in his cage. Now dita walk to cell complex in a cage lie Bill sleeping like little boy!
Dita: You so do sleep crisp, i don't know you hear me. So get up! Dita walk to prison and open steel door, there wait second mistress Lydia She have a panful of soup, things are never as black! Lidya: I hear today the food is pretty discerning hear today ,we have to force it to eat this. Dita: i thinks those love it, infect it like pretty to me! Lidya: So lets go. Wardess walk with a pan of soup around prison to get arrested person to eat. Lydia: This really stink how long is it lie around. Dita: are you hungry dummy ,aske dita to Leeon. Leeon: Yes madame. Dita: your anchor are to short. Bill: i am hungry madame. Dita: you are lucky i am in a good mood! Dita: i are lounge of eat of my panty, yes madame. Dita: i just say, go and eat. Dita go with her high-heeled boots in to pan with soup and Leeon lick soap of boots form dita. Dita: So what tasty, that a enough you slave you still have to eat you dessert Lyda smoke a cigarette and walk cell where behied Leeon, Lydia: open you mouth you prick! and spit in Leeon's face, he have to eat this like dessert Lydia: meal it, good little boy
Walke to a other small cell there are Pieters put in a cell behied close door. he can not eat, only lie on ground and try with his hands under door to get food! but dita drop food out distance he can not take it or see it in his cage it aways dark! Dita and Lydia step on his hands with high-heeled boots edge very painful! Dita: prisoner number 81 food now ,this ugly prick turning best food from past tree days. He are there still waint lie on ground down form past tree day's. Thats really cruel what a mistress can do when your are a you are under arrest! Dita: Good being bring him out of his appetite? Lydia: a good idea, so much funn from us. Lydia: unbelief he eat a again! Dita: I thinks you very picky form a men, eat of three days! Dita: whatever stop grab to get feed, get out! Dita walke to cell whit pan of soup , to cell were bill are captive, to give bill food. Dita: I have see you have a new bowl here, so that you meal get twisty meal and you have better eat it all., Dita: Start eating. he can not it his bowl get in steel pillar of prison and a rotary motion and spilling most of soap. Dita talke to him bill, and don't over eat!
Dita walke to prison and stand beheid cage where Bill are be cooped. Dita: Well well you poor thing, we run out food from you again. Don't worry we give you food you feel up, we whant make you fatty happy Happy now you ugly prick , Bill: Yes i am very happy now madame wardess. Dita talk to bill: Dita: So crawl out, crawl,,.. crawl, crawl call the wardess and she give me a kick. Wardess under questioning Bill, Lydia: ahha what a surprise look is here. Or little boy come of food Dita: we want it knee down when we talked to you. Dita: three days of same food ,no change! Lydia, You Right he last out his pique. Lydia: we have that let put in a string diet. Dita: Come on now, come here and eat you lunch. , Lydia: hurry lick it probity. He lick bottun of dita arse Lydia: now eat it, now eat it now everything over. Dita: That is a enough from you, and she give slap in his face, he thanks abode it, she give more slap in the face, Dita: why thank you me? Bill: I have you thank from my lunch Dita: go a way and don't let find you, wardess hit him when he's down, back to cage walk by wardess, crawl now Dita: We can go now the lunch is over. Now we dump that slave in the dungeon and beat him. Lydia: good idea but first i food Jack his lunch, little exercise only improve that pick his appetite. what pick. Dita: you right never forgit exercise, then you get him, and i get this place ready.
Lydia walk to cell where is Jack tied up with bondage lie in a dark small room, she let him out of cage, so that he can crawl ,she talk faster, faster and whipping him we he crawl. faster there is no time hurry up! and he crawl to wardress dita at wardress Dita: hurry up you lazy prick , we have to food you., he knees before dita and she take a way the muzzle out of Jack mouth, he kiss dita high-heeled boots. Dita: You have don't greets us, hey . how but another matter! He kiss left and right high-heeled boots of wardess dita, he are a naked lie on ground us a slave. Dita speak to him. Dita: you have to thank from food. Jack: Madame i thank from food. Dita: can you dith it better? Jack: madame wardress i thank you from my food today., Dita: no ,no good, again! dita slap jack in his face, tree times of more. Dita: Its a sorrow to be borrowing! Dita: I say once more. Madam wardress please i thank you to giving my food! Dita: I what that rap it on your cock and hurry, probity! you faster, now i whant you being your leg's Dita grab the tie that are on his cock tied to a pillar. Now he hang on his cock only and on his hands and leg's, its this waiting is sheer torture! Lydia: thats is good! so what this way you like it? Jack: Yes where wel madame. Lydia: I say yes slave and, now you have to thank me! lets kiss my boots, hurry Dita: do you know look to him, Lydia so hurry shall i help you! Lydia: go faster , wardess whipping Jack and dita drop hot candle-grease on his body, hurry lets go cast now, dita cast candle-grease on his body, hurry, cast now. Catherina The Hoffmistress go to downstairs to underground prison, she knock on the door. Lydia open the window look be behind bars, open the door form Catherina.
Lydia: or prison are ready form inspection. Catherina: thank you garwardess in that cause i take from a look. She stand behind Jack he hing on tied on his cock and she aske him, Catherina: i what to hear you number. Jack: prisoner number 85 madam. Catherina: post you be tied up in to the dungeon, Jack i am madame post tied up in dungeon. Catherina: but we you have to sit go and break the rule's, and you aske madame wardess and she post you tied up you in the celler where you spend night,underst! Jack: I do madame. they are very devoted to each other and Catherina are nice women and have a sweet voice of talk and sweety face. Catherina walk to prison in other room there other 4 arrested people, arrested person Bill, Leeon and Hendry Pieters take turns doing boot's of the hof mistress Catherina get inspection. Catherina: sign positie, Bill: Madam highst commander prisoner nubmer 12 is telling that dose is full is from inspection. Catherina: hair is to long cut it off . Take your place! Leeon: Madame high st commander prisoner number 86 fully prepared form inspection. Catherina aske him roll sweater up, roll it up now! much to fat, no food from three days (and she speak angry to leeon)! Take your place!
Hendry: Madame highst commander prisoner number 81 is telling that he is from fullow from inspection. Catherina strike hendry in his face, this do she that she love him! Catherina: I what to you speak up again, Hendry: Madame commander prisoner number 81 is telling fully prepared form inspection. Catherina: twentieth whipping from not speak louddy a off. Take your place! Pieters: Madame highst commander prisoner number 25 is telling us that he fully prepared form inspection. Catherina: that is way that i whant hear it sad. because you say it so well you know you can kiss my button, and enough. and this is from you worthless voice you loser! she beat in his face, very hard wow that great! Take your place! Catherina: I what to see that slave that castrate room, its time from celler pillar race, but i thinks i need a other prisoner , what abode you ask Catherina to pieters.
Girls play a game with boy's are pack up a like caterpillar in to asleeping bag can not see, and can only crawl on paving tile floor of prison and girls whipping boy's with bullwhip's that game or call it [prison race]! When Dita black one whipping its Jack in his black suite and pieters is white suite one whipping by catherina he crawl so fast he can. Catherina: How do you hundred on this time, i am bidding a hundred one white one. Dita: i bidding a hundred on the black. Dita: the game the person that touch cage that get it boots wince. Catherina: Easy you show support by whipping him. We start the game all, Lydia: Oke let go then!, three , two one start
hurry, hurry come one hurry faster (the girls whipping boy's move it , move it. let go, come on now! stupid lousy. move go, come on, move this is cruel? Now the little girl's do work and whipping her bodyfriend as usual what he like to desire. let go hurry hurry, faster hurry up, faster come on , come on! you did not win! Move, move it Catherina: hurry you slave, you are so slow! I have to penance you, bent over you losser ,probity come on, come on, what are you doings you,,now matherina go him whipping, when she talk this "she wipping him many times, that's about 39 whipping on his bottom ,he shall pay for it! I show you , you idiot come on you have many to loss. I make you pay it for this. Next time you win,well you win! (when she is finish with whiping, Catherina say this; So terrible, But this caterpillar was a good one and i thinks you give him a tryst Dita: yes he is very well be trained ,is it hey? Now she give him a very hard whipping , listen to sound of whipping wow, he can not see it in to outfit and its unexpected he get a whip. Catherina: go on now, Dita i can not beat him when i win the race. Catherina: Give him a price what he thinks he get when he win the race. Catherina: He desire what sweet. Dita but it latest one whip. Catherina: what so funny what you laugh about, so we have a other race? Now its time to cut bill his hiar, that do wardess Dita and cut his hair of. he are be hanged wit tried on his arm on a pillar and are be muzzle. Dita is also nice women maybe she is my favoriete!
The other two prisoner clean cell room's under supervision of a Wardess dita. She walk in the cell to look of imprisend do work good! Slave crawl on hands and knees and his hands are tied with metal chain and foots to foot be also tied with metalchain, Dita: on Hurry you slave, lets go (she talk to pieters, and give him a whip. no hanging around. or when i whipping your ass turn to perch. when pieters cleaning room with water dita are behind him and she sit down on him used him like a seat and give him orders. Dita: i thinks you sorry missing there. i what you to do probity , now go and get it wet. Dita: come on hurry up. can you tell why you the hell so wet? Look this spot here, hurry, here, are you blind? cant you speak,Yes? so try,!!!!!! she have him strike forbidden to speak, that why i not does not dare to speak. hurry up and he get a whipping, what abode that spot can you see it! Must i show you ever little spot hey? now see kick him with high-heeled boots that is wonderful where can we dream abode it! Stop making all that noise! Now only you are blind but its to see you are deaf! you bump it form me. You wish that, you keep on workin i make sure your finished you do not executant.what are you doing, i what to see your hand lift it up, where is that being you ugly slave, come on move it , and she whipping him second time and after a five great whipping Dita: i return here in two hours better be done!
Now its time for Jack be torturer room by his mistress Dita: so you are cold there last night there. come on on your knee's, turn around and he waiting is of his sheer torture, he are in a a kneeling position and waiting on mis mistress dita. Dita: get up, make so part with, and now she tied him right and left leg to up to pillar with chain. she bound him arm's and let him hanging up make tail of it! Dita : band over possibly. No we can begin. Look it your ugly face hey; (this just desire that whipping)! After seven whiping, have you warmup a bit aske dita to Jack!and after 2 whips, so we take a break drink champange, and she come back so its now time to continum but your desire what you can 21, so you finly have a nice color... 28 whips and he little cry, she go look to him and tell its enough form a warmup, what you think? ,i whant you free your leg's you are before me, its time to thank me. he kiss boots, it thanking you madam and now you kiss my hand , come to me af of your rod, hurry and now she bring him back to prison.
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[edit] Anastasia Pierce Is A Dominatrix
Welcome in prison with Anastasia Pierce as you Dominatrix. What the different of play a BDSM game or make real BDSM movie. When play you do not people pain and actor cry. We love to watch, [citation needed]. Do this give men WOW feeling! What can your more learn of BDSM video? some swear words, are popular in a BDSM movie; girls love curse to men or threaten punishment, shut the fuck up, or bring you down like dog! I have the tied you up, or you start cry like a little bitch! Or Shut the hell up, You start learning respect girls you hear for me, i am your Mistress! This is citation what we needed; if you not be a gay your need only this scene 1; Anastasia_Pierce_Is_A_Dominatrix_Scene_1.wmv
There you can download http://rapidshare.com/files/124107948/Anastasia_Pierce_Is_A_Dominatrix.part1.rar http://rapidshare.com/files/124107915/Anastasia_Pierce_Is_A_Dominatrix.part2.rar
[edit] Sado Beauties
Sado Beauties is a soft BDSM movie were a young women have power on men and tied him up! she have power on him and do him a little bit pain all about sex pleasure.Why can viewer have pleasure when a other human be torture. It's get excited when women tiedup a men do him pain thats was quite a thrill! We do not love naked men all turn around the mistress that she is a beautiful young women that humiliate a men and take him down or do him pain but not so cruel, she most do it on right way! The viewer desire of a BDSM movie that a mistress is not to extrem or sadistic but more friendly have lol and laugh when she do him pain, it like that she is sadistic but not true!
!! Warring if you be Underage your shall not download this video!! another i thing get problem with your parents! Your most be 18 year or older to look to this video http://rapidshare.com/files/67509026/Sado_Beauties.wmv
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[edit] External links
- SMPlace.com - BDSM Forum
- New York's dominextrix
- OWK.CZ Dream Nazi Mistress
- OWK.CZ Choice your favorite Mistress.....
- owk-cinema.com OWK Naughty games
- humananimals.cz Women make for husband a dog
- femdomextreme.cz Extrme Cruel women
- dominity.com - Unhealthy sex lives
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