BLT
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“It is a sandwich.”
~ Captain Obvious on BLT
“I enjoy mine with spicy dijon.”
~ God on BLT
“I did not have sexual relations with that sandwich.”
~ Bill Clinton on BLT
Contents |
[edit] Introduction
The BLT, latin name, Bacconus Lettucus Tomatus, is a sandwich that has been known to be sold at ballgames, movie theaters, and funerals. It has been an old favorite for hundreds of years, but has thus sprung some controversy. The sandwich is indeed delicious, unless you don't have tastebuds. In that case, it is not delicious. It has no taste.
[edit] Contents of a BLT
A classic BLT, consists of bread, slices of bacon (midget strips if you're from the south), lettuce (a green leafy vegetable from Mars), and tomato (red hermaphroditic fruit vegetable thing that doesn't quite know what it is). Sometimes, a BLT can be spread with mayonnaise, a thick white substance resembling ejaculate. Albert Einstein's theory of sandwichivity explains it best. 
[edit] Controversy in the News
As of recently, the BLT has been in the media not for it's deliciousness, but for it's controversial name. Wonder Bread, a bread company, is suing the bacon, lettuce, and tomato companies for not including their part in the sandwich. Wonder is lobbying for a name change from, BLT to BBLTB, or Bread Bacon Lettuce Tomato Bread.
But this has caused problems. Local restaurateurs have been saying the BBLTB is just too long of a name to fit on a menu. Also, the mayonnaise industry, mainly Hellman's Mayonnaise has said that mayonnaise should be included in the BBLTB, but only in between the first and second B's. So far, the bill for the BMBLTB sandwich is still sitting on George W. Bush's desk in the oval office, waiting to be vetoed.
But watch out, the producers of the ingredients that go into the bread and the bacon want credit. Look forward to the BMBLTLTLLHAGGYSNFJYGAKIJRHUAKJJHSUIDUSHHYAHSUUDKTKAUJSHDUBVAOOWUIHR7777X#$%&!@B
[edit] Variations on the BLT
Broccoli Linguini Tuna The most unknown of the BLT's, the Broccoli Linguini Tuna has been a favorite of South Africans. They tend to eat it with a fork and knife, not with a spoon like us civilized people.
Big Lumpy Tortoise The Big Lumpy Tortoise sandwich consists of a big lumpy tortoise. If you are against the killing of the snapping tortoise, then this sandwich can be made with midgets, but ONLY LATINO MIDGETS. They are like the Kobe Beef of midgets.
Blackened Large Termite The Blackened Large Termite consists of bad, sour termites, from the schools of the South Side of Chicago. They are pretty bad mites, so you need to blacken them in a special mix of spices: garlic, cigarette ash, and John Steinbeck's The Pearl.
Blekinge Läns Tidning Not much is known about this variation except that it is of german origin and was lost when an Oktoberfest fist-fight turned into World War II
Burning Lap Treatment This version of the BLT has been banned from North America, but is still practiced in certain remote areas of China like Beijing. In a Burning Lap Treatment, a BLT is doused in gasoline, lit on fire, and thrown onto the bare lap of the consumer. The object is to eat it fast. It's actually used more as a form of abuse and torture, rather than a sandwich for eating.
[edit] Politicaly Correctedness
The BLT has been shortened to just BLT over the years. This has been a hot topic in political debate among politicians over whether to keep it the way it is, officially name it 'AFS' for 'American Freedom Sandwich', or officially change the name to 'ASS' for 'American Social Sandwich'. But the strongest side to this argument is to officially recognize the BLT as the B(M)BLT(M)B for 'Bread (mayonnaise) Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, (mustard), and Bread.
[edit] BLT Fun Factaroos
In it's purist form, the BLT is Lithium, third element on the periodic table
In 18th century Georgia, if you saw a woman eating a BLT, you were legally allowed to eat her
If you ate a BLT everyday until you were forty, you would emit enough gas to fill up a hot-air balloon twice, three times
You are what you eat when you eat a BLT
BLT's are loaded with potassium. One BLT is equivalent to 400 bananas.
Snoop Dogg's real name is BLT
BLT grease can be used as an alternate fuel
[edit] Famous BLT Quotes
“The Club Sandwich is my bitch.”
~ BLT on authoritah of the BLT
“Thank you, thank you very much.”
~ Elvis, to the guy who gave him a BLT
“When life hands you lemons, eat a BLT and get diarrhea.”
~ Anonymous on BLT
“I love this sandwich so much I married it.”
~ Oscar Wilde on BLT
