BNP
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“It makes me feel so patriotic to see the Union Jack worn so proudly by some tattooed skinhead with anger-management issues.”
~ Noel Coward on BNP
“The BNP hate me...but I don't know if it is because I am a homosexual or because I am literate.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Bastard Nazi Party
The British National Party is the cause of global warming, cancer and any other shit things that people have to endure during their pathetic lifetime.
Since its inception, some have accused the BNP of being a racist party. BNP leader Nick Griffin disputes this by asking his opponents to define 'racism'. Mr Griffin declares "We're not racist, like those bloody foreigners" Some have called for the BNP to be banned, whereas other civil liberty groups have defended the BNP's right to free speech. A spokesman for CivLib has said "Whilst the BNP's doctrine that all non-whites should be kicked out is a little inappropriate and could potentially cause offence, people should be free to think what they want".
Alongside Petunia Griffin, prominent members of the party include Peter Hitchens and Bernard Manning's Urn of Ashes.
Basically, the BNP isn't racist, they just want tougher laws for black and asian people. And the Poles. Bloody Poles, stealing our jobs, just because they work for next to nowt. Plus, you're not really white if you have a foreign accent. Not to mention the banning of Islam and deportation of all the Muslims, preferably by means of some kind of giant raft.
The BNP claims to have about 10000 members. However, this figure may be somewhat inflated due to problems with functional numeracy in the membership department. One member in Cornwall is known to have recruited his girlfriend and his sister, who were then counted as two new members despite being the same person.
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History
The first leader of the BNP was King Arthur of the Anglo Saxons, who fought off illegal immigrants from France, crying "Send 'em back where they bloody well came from!" as he and his knights rode into battle. Since the current members of the BNP are themselves Anglo-Saxon decendants, it seems likely that King Arthur will take their side when he awakens from his ages-long slumber and once again rides out into glory.
In recent years the BNP has tried to shake off its racist image by formally stating that Narnians can be counted as British citizens and would never be deported. However they still vehemently deny that Big War Mark 2 (an alleged war between Darwen and Burnley) ever happened. Their website still states that "Not a single battle was fought nor a single person killed." "It was and still is all a media smear campaign by the communists to discredit that lovely Adolph Hilter (current mayor of Narnia). Hilter can't be a murderer because he is a fine art painter, a non-smoker and a vegetarian. We all know that vegetarians don't kill people!"
Get 'em Up Against the Wall
Recent years have seen the BNP turn from ugly racists into über nice guys who do nice stuff. Infact as I speak they are donating money to charity and being really nice guys. BNP members work hard in the community to clean neighbourhoods all Voluntarily.
Truly saints among men, many have been knighted by Queen Henrita R. Hippo or HRH for short. You never EVER see BNP members swearing, using racist words or even setting fire to Mosques! Thus the BNP has become the 3rd most popular party in the UK behind the David Cameron's Marxist Conservatory Party and the Chorley Natwest Annual Office Christmas Party.
BNP- There has also been some rumours on the BNP, for example that there name stands for Blacks Nerkin Politicians or Boys Naked? Please!. For a matter of fact is that we believe some coloured people do beat up defenceless BNP politicians, we don't understand it, we only want to basically humiliate them and tighten the laws as well as keeping an eye on them, its not as if were doing anything bad is it??
BNP have also been seen wearing reproduction Gestapo Tunics, when these members were asked they commented "we're going to a fancy dress party" it did seem a little odd though when they then walked into their headquarters and started staring at me from the window. Other members where also seen wearing these jackets.
BNP Paribas
BNP Paribas is the air wing of the BNP, mostly composed of sparrows in shoe boxes. This organisation is not to be confused with Burmese Namby Pamby Paribas which recently rebranded itself as Luftwaffe, to the chagrin of the BNP Paribas "who wanted the name first! Cos we finked up tar name".
The organisation is currently organised by that friendly white man who runs the corner shop, but mutters behind the backs of anyone who isn't White.
Party discipline
The BNP leadership constantly complain about official interference in the internal racist activities of the party. Any member who impugns the intelligence of the Glorious Leader (a.k.a. Nick Griffin) is likely to be denounced as a "communist", MI5 member, or OPWTN (One Party With Three Names) member, usually all three. The following statement [1] leaked to Usenet accurately reflects the problems faced by Griffin and his cohorts:
I can report exclusively for apb and upm readers, that a BNP branch in south west England has been disbanded. I cannot currently disclose which branch it is.
An investigation into the backgrounds of all seven members of the branch found the following:
- Chairman - Searchlight infiltrator
- Secretary - Undercover BBC reporter
- Treasurer - Member of Special Branch
- 1 UAF/ANL/Respect member
- 1 member of Lancashire CID (on duty whilst at meetings)
- 1 out gay man
- 1 otherwise acceptable member who has an Oriental girlfriend
The central committee of the BNP is absolutely disgusted at the unpricipled attempts by homosexuals and race-mixers to infiltrate our party. We can only assume they were acting on behalf of the OPWTN. As a result we had no alternative but to close the branch.
On a positive note the central committee of the BNP would like to reassure patriotic British white folk everywhere that, in our opinion, this situation has not affected our chances of obtaining a Parliamentary majority at the next election.
False Rumours
- The Great Fire Of London was NOT the BNP burning books they didn't like (or people).
- White Power is NOT a detergent created by Nick Griffin.
- If you paint Nick Griffin black, he will NOT melt.
- Subsequent to Nick Griffin NOT melting, he will NOT make a great tasting Coca Cola.
- Nick Griffin is NOT the world's No. 1 Racist (he is currently ranked only sevenhundredth).
- Nick Griffin is NOT Stewie Griffin's husband.
- Nick Griffin is NOT a Nazi.
- Nick Griffin is NOT Beinrich Bimmler's Younger brother
- Nick Griffin DOES NOT likes rancid rabbit flavoured ice pops, despite their tendency to freeze into a Union Jack shape
- Nick Griffin is NOT Greg Bowler
- Nick Griffin is NOT Osama bin Laden's evil twin brother
- Nick Griffin DOES NOT own a Canary called Oswald Mosley
- Nick Griffin DOES NOT drive a Ford Cortina with the regestration A H1tl3r
- Nick Griffin DOES NOT hate Smoking, he likes the odd Woodbine
- The Guardian editor Comrade Neil Clark DOES NOT bear an uncanny resemblance to Nick Griffin
