Baba Yaga
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Baba Yaga can refer to many things:
Most commonly, Baba yaga is a term to refer to a intricate victory dance invented by the great entertainment wits of Jonathan Woodgate, "the most lucky human in the land," according to his friend, the famed eco-terrorist, Captain Planet.
Additionally, Baba Yaga may refer to a Bulgarian rock band.
Finally, Baba Yaga (200-100 Before Cthulhu) was the name of the president of Ry'leh. Contrary to the common claims of the Wikidiots at Wikipedia, Baba Yaga was not an ogress of Slavic folkloric origin. Indeed, Yaga has absolutely no connections to Russian or Slavic culture in any way.
Baba Yaga is famous for many great things, such as manhandling Zeus himself, shortly preceding her ironic death by the zap of a thunderstorm during her summer off the coast of Scotland.
The following concerns the historical figure.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
[edit] Early Misadventures
Baba Yaga was born 200 B.C., in the Sovietnam town of Woodstock, and grew into a lover of great film, such as "The Neverending Story," whose lines she quoted daily, mainly, it should be noted, as a result of her love of the romantic ideals that the destruction of fairytales through the assumption of Unnaturalism was a dire modern issue. Yaga's love of history's great films went so far that she applied all her energy into constructing a non-Euclidean machine of epic proportion, wherewith she slid through the 4th dimension, ending up in Wankorage, Antarctica, the famous home of the world's biggest cinema. Upon arriving, she encountered Oprah, queen of the Nubians, who reigned supreme over a mongoose flock. Unsurprisingly, Yaga was not amused by the corporeal obstacle posed by Oprah, and her warlike temperment, undoubtedly inherited through her grandmother Ayn Rand, spurred her into burning the city to its foundations. Amid the wake of glowing embers and Oprah's sizzling corpse, the sole building of the Wankorage Cinema remained. Flush with victory and make-up, Yaga then proceeded to the cinema and watched Eisenstein and Protazanov to her heart's content.
This tale became famous, and, indeed, folkloric in the anti-communist nation of America, where Oprah represented the communist paradigm of yesteryear. In this land, she was adopted as a role-model of both men and women, young and old, and as a national, if--indeed--paradoxically foreign, icon.
[edit] Further Fame
The quiet and humble Baba Yaga did not rest on her laurels of hard-worked--but unwanted--fame. Indeed, she reapplied her endeavors to the creation of a book titled "Plato: For the Love of Sophie", a frame tale which depicts Plato as a pilgrim who, spurred by the shadow of his ever-elusive love, Sophie, sets off into the underworld, meeting in the dark mists such characters as Saint Augustine and Jesus, until he finally arrives at the summit of beautiful Truth. The book gave her much acclaim, and her fantastic vision of afterlife created an almost cultlike following for her world.
In 174, Yaga married King Slut, who was ironically the king of the real-dimension Nubians. Even though he had innumerable children with Yaga, King Slut had eight illegitimate children in addition, each of whom, annoyingly enough, vied for the crown and country. Surprisingly, even historians have found researching each and every one of these bastard failures to be far too tedious.
In 142, she was elected president of Ry'leh in anticipation that she would reform the city, sunken in debt as it was. This anticipation proved premonitory, and Ry'leh rose from the depths of squalor to illustrious heights. Primary in her plan for regrowth was the instatement of a casino and 300 champagne rooms. This stratagem was clearly aimed to snare the salacious, yet profitable, audience of seamen.
[edit] The End of an Illustrious Life
In 100, she was killed in a freak accident by lightning while staying at the estate of Saruman at Summerisle.
Before she died, however, Yaga created the style guides of Uncyclopedia to deter hapless people from falling to the misteps of painfully unfunny cliches. Thankfully, her work has not gone unheeded, and her important contribution continues to be both moral and stylistic guide for Uncyclopedia.
Shortly after creating the guides, Yaga cited this very same article, claiming it as "tragically ironic". It has still to be determined what exactly she meant.
