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So you want to set up a backstreet abortion clinic? Perhaps you flunked medical school and need cash; perhaps you are an entrepreneur who has spotted a niche market; perhaps you live in one of those crazy countries where abortion is illegal; or perhaps you're just a guy with a set of forceps that you don't know what to do with. Whatever the reason, with the rise of religious fundamentalism, the time has never been better to set yourself up as an illegal abortionist. This book, drawing from my 30 years of experience in the field of illegal child-killing, is a complete guide to the art of illegal backstreet abortion.
Chapter 1: Location, Location, Location
Choosing a location is one of the most important choices an illegal abortionist can make. It is estimated that 30% of backstreet abortion clinics fail because of a poorly chosen premises. A good premises should be somewhere out of the way and should have a sturdy table or chair on which to perform the abortions, a drain for blood, a good escape route for when the authorities come around and a nice quiet place for disposing of dead fetuses. A sink for washing hands and tools is optional. (more...)
You know you're WTF when...
...you LITERALLY care
...you Went To France
...you are an Uncyc Sysop.
...Hardwick Fundlebuggy is a buggy
...you Xperience deja vu
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Did you know...
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- ...that after 44 minutes of play, Queens are allowed to teleport?
- ...that, even though it is stated that the people performing this stunt are professionals, only 1.5% of them have graduated from college?
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 20: Window Licking Day (Scotland)
- 2000 B.C. - Window Licking Day was born as Cavemouth Licking Day.
- 1 - Jesus learned to walk.
- 1270 - Baberaham Lincoln frees the peasents.
- 1712 - Riot Day is proclaimed a national holiday in Great Britain.
- 1873 - A peasant in a poor country licked a window and saw an image of the Virgin Mary. He then started eBay to sell it on the Interweb.
- 1874-present - Once a year, every year, peasants in poor countries see an image of the Virgin Mary in a window after being licked on Window Licking Day, except for 1947, when the image was seen on a cinnamon bun.
- 1969 - Louis Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear become the first men to do the moonwalk, when Apollo 11 splashes down in the Sea of Tranquillity.
- 1974 - Turkeys invade Cyprus.
- 2014 - An astronaut tries to celebrate this day by licking a window of a space shuttle .... from the outside.
- 5678 - Eminem's disembodied head's latest album goes platinum. Ironically, for most of this year 90% of all people in the world are suffering with cases of "Falling Off Ears."
- 5679 - English language shanty is reinvented shanty. The only shanty real difference is shanty the word shanty "Shanty" shanty appearing throughout sentences shanty.
- 5793 - In the case of The State of Wisconsin v.s. Shanty, the English language is re-re-reverted back to its old form.
- 5794 - Turkeys invade Uranus.
- 3141592653... - The last digit of pi is found (it was a 5 all along). The universe begins to tear apart...
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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As I walked into that posh night club up in Canberra, I've noticed a strange sight. No one was dancing. They were all standing around frowning in the DJ's general direction. Why? I demanded Is no one dancing? We don't like the DJ responded one sour faced gentleman, he is a known lobbyist for corrupt politicians, with a child's mentality, who makes fun of the humanist Chinese government. Not only that, the bastard got fabulous dental on our expense, while sending restarted forms signed by his 12 year old accountant! I'm telling you, he not only irreverent, he is irrelevant. We'll never dance to his tunes again.
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Yes, hello? Hi. Can I talk with The Woodburninator please? awkward silence What was that again? He went out and burned 30 thousand acres of natural forest? Oh. awkward silence. That's a bit extreme of him isn't it. What was that you say? He mumbled something about reaching a final conclusion before leaving the house with a torch and a 12 gage shot gun? I wonder what could that be listening intently to person on the other side babbling on and on Oh for sure, I'd bet he thinks that he is better than thou sir. Because you, sir, are an idiot. I hope he burns down your house as well. Good day sir.
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