Babel:Gv

Today's Featured Pirate

Today's featured article

Written in 1985 by Chris Van Allsburg, Polar (s)Express: Hot Chocolate is the story of a magical, North Pole bound vehicle that trolls suburban neighborhoods at night, enticing children with promises of meeting Santa Claus and "Hot Chocolate." It won all sorts of awards I can't be bothered to name right now, and was turned into a mediocre CGI movie in 2004.

Mr. Allsburg is still at large for his horrible crimes.

Yesterday's featured article

Virginia Tech Massacre was a macabre-themed semi-musical play written by Virginia Tech student and intellectual Cho Seung Hui, exclusively performed for the first and only time at the Virginia Tech Theatre on April 16, 2007, for which it received rave reviews and heavy media coverage. It was lauded as the "greatest play of the century" by many critics, and Cho was posthumously praised as a theatrical genius. He would've won many awards for his writing and starring of the play, had he not killed himself. In it were themes of romance, conflict, and humor. But mostly conflict. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite Pirate to be avoid the handmans noose.

More of the best Pirates from the good ship Pirateopedia

What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

October 11: Pee Outside Day (Mississippi and West Virginia), Flightless Bird Awareness Day

• 1450 - France declares war on Australian kangaroos. Rioting is rationed. Rioting ensues.
• 1766 - Early tests of quick lime as an aphrodisiac prove fatal. English monarchy remains pensive.
• 1809 - Famed explorer Meriwether Lewis dies of a gunshot wound. Although it is generally believed to be a suicide, others note that suspicious-looking kiwis were seen lurking in the area.
• 1850 - University of Sydney opens, offering degrees in emu ranching and cassowary wrangling.
• 1895 - A staging of Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest is disrupted when an ostrich is accidentally let into the theater. Wilde clubs the bird into submission with his shoe.
• 1958 - Penguin (chocolate bar is invented), Kit Kat is infuriated.
• 1975 - Saturday Night Live debuts with an emperor penguin as guest host.
• 1989 - McDonald's introduces the Ostrich McNugget.
• 1995 - Sauron dines with Oprah at McDonald's. Afterwards, Oprah tapes a segment on McDonald's discrimination towards heavy eaters.
• 1998 - The Ostrich McNugget is reported to be a tasty non greasy supplement by Wikipedia, shows what they know...
• 2001 - 9.46am OJ Simpson is arrested for peeing outside
• 2001 - 9.57am OJ Simpson invents Peeing Outside Day
• 2001 - 9.58am OJ Simpson is released a free man.
• 2004 - McDonalds introduces the Emperor Penguin deluxe kids meal, with 104% penguin testicles.
• 2008 - Tokyo is promptly flooded with urine upon its massive population simultaneously partaking in Pee Outside Day.

Archived doings

What be worrying the Land Lubbers

• New site provides outstanding insights in caveman-animal relationship. (pictured)

• Charles, if you are reading this your house is burning down as I type.

• Robert Mugabe bails out world financial system out-of-pocket.

• Sylvia's Mother admits she lied. "She made a pass at me!" says Dr. Hook

• The Pirates seize a shipload of morons - aliens disappointed, annihilation of Earth imminent.

• Black men more likely to get cancer. Cancer accused of racism.

• Bank Marathon to replace Bank Run in next olympics.

• Ignorance brings death and famine to all American Swine.

• Some of our bases have been repatriated. Hooray!

• Radio star Michael Savage has been assassinated.

• Ivan Ooze actor Paul Freeman's career dies.

• Stock markets soar as US House of Representatives approves bail out bill, economic crisis over.

• KKK makes controversial decision to back Obama for president.

• Paulson encourages banks to generate more bad loans

• My country is better than your entire continent!

Pirate Times

Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...

From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:

• ...that whilst the Certificate of Hitlertude and the Certificate of Terrorism have been a rousing success, attempts to perform a similar service for people whose arguments have been compared to Communism have been less than successful as nobody cares anymore?

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Recent press ganged crew

Traffic Signs | UnBooks: An 82 Year Old Woman Wants My Body! | My mommy | UnTunes:Song has been (Deleted by the Artist) | Kim (sexy barista) | (The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her, But She Ain't) Broken | Moron section | Do not change the title! | Grim Reaper (rw) | International Talk Like A Landlubber Day (rw) | Civilization IV (rw) | Spore (rw) | UnBooks:DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ | Why?:Did I just read Twilight? | Klestosapharot | UnTunes:Myspace Is Ghay | Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? | Plato's Symposium: The Abridged Script | Republican Party Pornography | Total Trash | You should talk about ponies - A letter to Bill Richardson | Pie Chart | Fuck fucking fucked fucker fucking fuckups fuck fucking fucked fucking fuckup fucking fucker's fuck | Rule of Three | UnPoetia:Abraham Lincoln's fair-weather waffle frolic | Bomb Shelter

More Recently press-ganged crew | Most wanted pirates | Requested Keel Haulings | Add to stumps | Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot | Help out the land-lubbers

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

What can one possibly say about Hyperbole? In the past few months, his writing has liberated the Uncyclopedia people from the chains of mediocrity. He's practically rewritten the entire comedic bible in his stay at this website. Funnier than a bear is strong! Why, the sheer significance of this amazing writer's talents, completely eclipses the significance of events as important as 9-11! And that's not all. "Hype" as we like to call him, is quite the ladies man. Women are just falling all over him!!! And so am I! I'm falling all over him! I'm infatuated with this writer's REVOLUTIONARY contributions to comedy! I'm going to die! Do you hear me?! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!! That's how good he is!

A man of a thousand names, Multiliteralist is also apparently a man of a thousand literalists. Last month he arrived at Uncyclopedia with his metaphorical guns blazing, which was probably good, because arriving at Uncyclopedia with actual guns blazing probably would've resulted in some injuries. During Multiliteralist's short time here, he has already educated people about the horrible danger of the blank hole, the dangerous horror of the Spiteworm, the undeniable benefits of Total TrashTM, and the horribly dangerous horror-danger of the Cult of Klestosapharot.

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