Babel:Nub

[edit] Today's featured article

Are you a woman? Do you drive? If so, don't let your natural destructive behavior behind the wheel of a large vehicle discourage you from participating in one of life's joyful freedoms. This online guide to the rules and regulations of the road, written especially for women, will both enhance your knowledge of driving while allowing you to transport a hyperactive, nonathletic, possibly unanimously hated child to soccer practice in your over-sized SUV without incident. Not only will you drive safer but you will progressively arrive at your destination quicker with every try! (more...)

[edit] Yesterday's featured article

Charles Parnell Norris (born March 13, 1944), known to friends and family as Chuck, is a Certified Public Accountant from Wilmington, Delaware. Norris has had an unexceptional career in accounting, and is utterly at a loss to explain why people have been making fun of him since the early 1980s.

Biography

Early life

Norris was born in the small town of Lewes, Delaware, on March 13, 1944, the third of four children. His father, Ellsworth Q. Norris, worked at a warehouse where toy cars with chipped paint were stored until they could be shipped back to the manufacturer for repainting (toys with different defects were stored in a separate warehouse across the street). His mother, Pearl Norris, was known for making "the best darn tootin' apple cobbler in Lewes."

Norris was a B student, but received high marks in mathematics. At age 18, he made the bold decision to "move to the big city" of Wilmington (pop. 72,000), a decision for which his mother would gently chide him for the rest of her life. Norris found employment at the small CPA firm Lee, Gracie & Seagal, where he continues to work to this day. (more...)

u can voet 4 you're favorit articlez 2 b feturd.

da kool stufz

[edit] Selected anniversaries

January 10: Reefer Madness day

Oh No!

• 370 b.c - Plato almost chokes after inhaling a dandelion, then writes the dialogue Clouds.
• 75 - John The Baptist makes a comeback and tours europe with buddha.
• 1810 - Napoleon divorced Empress Joséphine, calling her "a total fucking harpie".
• 1841 - Low on firewood, ropes made from Hemp are burned by Mormon pilgrims in Utah. That night, visions from heaven assail them.
• 1968 - Napalm dropped on a Vietnamese Hemp field. This begins the largest spread of the munchies known to man.
• 1979 - Pac-Man is admitted to rehab after a white pellet addiction. "Gotta run from teh gh0sts!!!1!one" - Pac-Man
• 1979 Disco dies of a drug overdose.
• 1986 - Tjernobyl enters the active age of Radio.
• 1989 - I was born, in Chester, England!
• 1991 - Kool-Aid retires the Kool-Aid Man after he pleads no contest to providing alcohol to a 14-year old girl.
• 2007 - After several days of being stoned, Germany reconsiders invading Poland but soon relizes that Nobody cares.

archived aniverserys

[edit] In the news

• Congress debates porn industry bailout.

• Francis Farmer has had her revenge on Seattle, police action will not be taken (pictured)

• Wikipedia rejoices over crisis, Jimbo Wales commends the situation

• Jewish solvent abuse on the increase

• Really big beaver escapes from Devon farm

• With donations lacking, Jimbo Wales turns to porn to save Wikipedia

• Obituaries for December 30, 2008

• The Orange Beast opens transuniversal portal to destroy humankind, but Jesus and Santa save the day

• Texan trapped in Christmas supermarket chaos for 28 hours

• Obama postpones the shortening of Christmas due to the financial crisis

• Barack Obama sworn in as Santa; Republicans on naughty list

• Tacoma's bleakness linked to pseudo-intellectualism

• New Robert De Niro movie to star Sarah Palin and Sherry Johnston.

• Town to adopt allegedly more efficient "door-to-door" news delivery method
• New range of low-tech iPod alternatives out in time for Christmas

• Jim Carrey to star in Liar Liar 10 Year Anniversary Edition

currnt stufz

[edit] Did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's biggest morons:

• ... that the Unofficial Knownothing Dictionary defines a lump as "A raised, fleshy area on the skin, that often gives cause for extreme panic and tends to result in instant death. Typically found in places nobody wants to look"?

raed mor

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mor resent articlez

[edit] writer of da munth

gerry cheevers. how could a retired hockey goalie who never uses capitalization and endorses unorthodox writing styles win the writer of the month award, you ask? well, why don't you ask him yourself? even better, ask one of his many esteemed friends, such as the red baron, or perhaps even gerry's pet goldfish. trained to write by nasa, in the cold arctic temperatures of alaska, gerry is no slouch when it comes to quality writing. and did we mention he's a gemini? i don't know what that has to do with his writing, or even what gemini means, to be honest, but i'm sure it's nothing but positive if it relates to gerry and his endeavors.

Greetings, and welcome to the monthly Noob of the Month awards show, brought to you by C-SPAN. In a shocking turn of events, there were no politics today, so we're just going to have to fill time by hosting this, Uncyclo-whatsit awards thing. It's been a very slow news day to boot. There's really hardly anything to put on this channel right now, and Uncyclopedia had the money for the spot. So in the interest of my salary, and the medicine I must buy for my failing prostate, let's get this show on the road. This month's winner is... Paddy Atkinson! Didn't he play football or something...?

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