Babel:Simple

[edit] Today's show my men

[edit] Today's featured article

A cult that has been waiting for an end to civilisation as we know it has finally left the cave they had barricaded themselves into. For almost five months a group of 28 cult members had attempted to seal themselves off from the world by going to live in a cave and blocking the cave entrance with debris and human excrement. The cult came from somewhere in Russia that no-one really cares about and managed to find a cave that was conveniently no more that ten minutes driving from the all of the cult members' houses. The cult leader, Pyotr Kuznetsov, despite the nearing apocalypse, found many opportunities to talk to the press and averaged about 3 interviews a day (in between visits to psychiatric hospitals after an order from the local court).

Said Pyotr Kuznetsov:

Originally God led us into the cave to await his merciful, gentle destruction of our entire world, including every single living organism. He said that in five months he would give us a sign, so naturally we did his bidding and packed our Nike trainers, because you've got to Just Do It®, thanks, nice doing business with you, and headed to the nearest cave. I set our finest minds on sealing up the entrance. The rocks and general debris were easy to fit into place, but the cement that we used took a lot of sweat, pride, passion and effort to create. I can happily say that I produced 4.8kg of that natural cement!

[edit] Yesterday's featured article

CITY, State - Today Washed Up 70's Rock Band announced that they would be launching their Forgotten Band Comeback Tour to promote their new CD, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die. They will be touring many major cities across Large Country, ending the Forgotten Band Comeback Tour with a performance at Large Corporate Sponsor Dome in the heart of City. Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die is expected to hit stores Month.

Many fans are very excited for the new album. "I really liked a lot of the stuff on Album, but I was less impressed with Second Album. Another Album was better, but I kind of thought Producer was trying too hard. Live Album was almost as good as Album," says Loyal Fan, "Of course there was the embarrassment of their foray into "urban sounds" on Ill-Advised Album, but even that wasn't as bad as Embarrassing Post-Rehab Mistake. I have high hopes for Last Chance to Make Money, though." Others, however, are not enthusiastic for the release. "Washed Up 70's Rock Band completely sold out," said Unhappy Fan, "I liked them better when nobody else liked them. But now that they're all well known, and have Gigantic Guitar Company by their side, it's just not the same." (more...)

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[edit] What happend lorng ago today

May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog (Mongolia only)

• 0 - First Ninja Pirate born. He is easily confused with Jesus and ends up killing said Jesus and takes his place. He is worshipped in Christianity.
• 616 - Pope Eggs Benedict IV declares that Spain does not exist
• 927 - The fucking Vikings do something really nasty, they create Norway
• 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play
• 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I
• 1927 - Everybody gets depressed
• 1930 - First person ever born on this date.
• 1931 - First person to ever be born on this date is found dead of a heroin overdose. Everyone is sad.
• 1935 - Prozac is invented, entering the market under the auspicious title World War II
• 1982 - Pope Jean Paul II readmits Spain to existance, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry
• 1986 - Ronald Reagen weeps publically, after being called a 'nosey meddler' by Nicarauans. Sandinistas lead GLOBAL COMMUNIST REVOLUTION resulting with complete annihilation of life. God reported to be 'alcoholic and whore-mongering'.
• 2008 - With all the success of his book, James Madison takes a relaxing vacation in Purgatory. Where there was much rejoicing!

What happend long ago other days

[edit] Things that the nice man on the tellyvision box next to the pretty lady are telling you (betwen advertizements)

• Pope signs deal with "Girls Gone Wild" with hopes that more Americans will learn who he is.

• Middle school teacher fired for Wizardry.

• Hillary Clinton demands that the obscure Greek island of Euboea be counted in the Democratic primary.

• Day 5 into Cyclone attack on Burma. Burmese Government request guns to fight back. (pictured)

• Government begin kull as babies are proven to be the source of all evil.

• PBS is a facing lawsuits after the drunken tirade of a beloved character.

• Ronald McDonald to be featured on new dollar bills.

• Man shoots woman outside video game store, recieves free copy of Grand Theft Auto for his excellent kill.

• Senators fly 60 feet across Washington DC to discuss problems in the airline industry.

• Washed Up 70's Rock Band announces new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die; plans to tour Country.

• Russian fishermen catch alien and eat it, World's scientists in despair.

• Obama's former taxi driver accuses media of unfairness, proving once again that he hates America.

• American cargo ship fires warning shots at Iranian after he sneezes threateningly.

• Pope Benedict XVI celebrates 4/20 in New York.

• US troops say that "Iraq makes their head hurt, a lot".

What things are happening

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• ...anything?
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• ...your name (it's 'Bagus)?
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• ...that cheese be cool, yah?

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[edit] Some things that have been recently got written

Public service announcement | Ferdinand von Zeppelin | HowTo:Be annoying as hell on Xbox Live | UnPoetia:What is the matter with Mary Jane? | Army of the SNEEPUR | Bubble Wrap | Mr. Nice Guy | Fear Mongering | Veteran | UnPoetia:Do Not Shag Gentle During That Good Night | Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans | School of Rock | UnBooks:George's World‎ | Democrazy | UnBooks:Tarquin Middleton: My Battle with Depression. | Aretha Franklin (rw) | Burt Ward | The White Stripes (rw) | Guy Smiley | The Dog Dies at the End (rw) | Mordor Jalapenos | World War IV (rw) | UnLegends:The Land Where The Sun Shines Not | Make Money Fast (rw) | Rutabaga (rw) | UnScripts:Song of the South |

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[edit] Monkey of the Month

Oh honey, let's go to the pond, it's such a lovely night! But I'm scared of the pond! I hear they have murderous frogs down there. Don't be silly, it's a known fact that murderous frogs are too busy at this time of the day strengthening the gene pool, shooting up some mind boggling substances or just showing around the place. But just be certain to never wonder near them at night. Because at night time, they are wearing their leather studded jackets and go out checking your limits to the extreme, while playing wild wild music. In conclusion: never ever harrass a frog that wears leather. Ever.

He came from a cave smiling his so called innocent smile. "Yes!" he roared. "It's time to edit!" Do you have anything you wish declare? asked the customs officer at the entrance to Uncyclopedia. "Yes! It's time to edit!" his smile grew even wider. Sir coughed the customs officer, feeling a bit uncomfortable, are you all right? "Yes!" he replied as sparks are starting to fly out of his left ear. "It is time I take back what is rightfully mine...and edit it! I have set fire in your house and Yes! You are all coming with me!"

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