Babylonians
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Babylonians are semi-mythic creatures featured in old reggae songs. They must have been pretty fucking mean, because Jimmy Cliff and Bob Marley seemed pretty pissed about it. And those guys toked up a lot, so it is reasonable to assume whatever pissed them off had to be pretty bad.
The Babylonians thrived in the lower portions of Iraqistan between 1700 BC and 663 AD. The took Iraqistan, then called Babylon, from the Assyrians, who archeologists believe were the predecessors of the Smurfs or possibly the Snorks. The Babylonians controlled Iraqistan until the Arabs showed up with Allah and shitloads of homemade explosives. One Allah-a-Akbar later, and the Babylonians were cleaning up toilets at a food court in the Mall of America. They have only remained here because of the fumes from Simple Green which cause them to become high and forget about re-taking Iraqistan.
[edit] Achievements
KALENA AND KAHIKI 10*18*07 IFLY............
[edit] War with Jamaica
Somehow, Babylon pissed Jamaica off. How, we don't know. But, it must have been bad, because everything that was ever wrong with the world is attributed, by reggae songs, to Babylon.
For example, look how pissed Bob Marley was:
"We know where we're going We know where we're from We Leaving Babylon- We goin to our Father's Land."
What the fuckkkkkkkkkkkk
did Baylon do to Bob Marley? Has Bob Marley even seen Babylon? Do a lot of Jamaicans visit Iraq? Do a lot of any people visit Iraq?! I wouldn't visit Iraq. I hear they have to PAY people to go to that fucking place. It must really suck.
The Jamaicans started the war, with an air attack on Basra. However, the Babylonians quickly recovered and were able to mount a series of offensives into the Caribbean. Eventually, the Babylonians cut off Jamacia's marijuana supply. The Jamaican government fell after a series of riots wrecked their capital. The new government tried to continue, but the Jamaican army jost its will to fight as even Jamaica's strategic reserves of pot disappeared.
The Babylonians imposed brutal piece terms on the Jamaicans, not the least of which was forcing them to listen to reggae geared toward the American market.
The Babylonians know how to rock
[edit] Destruction of Babylon
The Babylonians were destroyed shortly after the war with Jamaica. The Arabs, noting that the Baylonians were weakened, started sending suicide bombers into Babylon. Confused and unable to deal with the crisis, the Baylonian government fled to a newly constructed space station called Babylon 5.
