Bag fries
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“I thought I lost my bag fries but it turns out I just couldn't see them”
~ Stevie Wonder on bag fries
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[edit] Definition
Bag fries are formed when normal French fries accidentally spill out of their regular container into the bag. They get their addictive flavor from the white dyes used in the manufacture of standard fast food bags.
[edit] Hazards
When purchasing potential bag fries, first ensure that the bags used by your local supplier are white, as fries prepared using brown bags often contain deadly toxins.
Members of the general public should not attempt to make their own bag fries by purposely pouring the fries into the bag. In order for bag fries to form properly the spill must take place while the bag is within the possession of a fast food worker. Scientists have theorized that the general miasma of despair which is produced by the workers plays a vital role in the process; those of you who work for British Telecoms and are of an enquiring mind may wish to test this theory by experimentation.
The majority of people have never seen bag fries. Of those lucky few who have tried them, many became instantly addicted to the distinctive flavor and texture. People who are addicted to these fries have been known to consume over seventeen servings of fries in a single day while attempting to recapture the blissful moment of initial discovery.
[edit] Likelihood
These potential bag fries (pictured above) never had a chance to develop as they were ordered "for here"
Due to the strict customer service training workers in Canada and the USA receive, you are more likely to be diagnosed with cholera on the same day that you receive the Nobel Peace Prize than you are to receive properly prepared bag fries. The chance of bag fries is much higher in third-world countries such as London, New South Wales, and France, due to the servers' propensity for hurling the prepared food in the general direction of the customer rather than handing it to them.
