Bagpipes
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“I'd rather bite off my own cock than hear you blow into those blasted things again.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bagpipes
The bagpipe, like Scotland herself, is actually a very cruel joke gone wrong. An older man made a prototype to shock his buddies with a screeching horrid noise, and by some miracle, they loved it, imitated it, and the rest is history. The Irish have their own sit-down version, the uileann pipes, which at least have the merit that the player makes an easy target for music-loving snipers.
[edit] Bagpipe Trivia
Bagpipes are one of the world's most loved instruments. To hear the skirl of the pipes coming out of the mist on a frosty morning is to know one of the true joys of living. Those who have never experienced such are urged to find their way to the nearest Highland Games and find out what they have been missing.
The bagpipes have also struck a chord in the United States. People play them everywhere, at Scottish festivals, on St. Patricks Day, and even in dessert establishments. You can see an example here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsUZrlJAF34
[edit] Bagpipe Quotes
The related Northumbrian Pipes disturb the peace of Northern England, but they are held in check by famous rapper and skilled bowman Robin in da 'Hood.
The Brazilians call the bagpipe gaita de foles, which is Portuguese for "screams of the tortured monkey".
The metal band In extremo are famous for incorporating a wide variety of painfully screechy instruments, including bagpipes.
"The best way to play the bagpipes? With a penknife." - Connor Hogan
"Bring not bagpipes to a man in trouble," - WC Fields.
"Bagpipes are the lost connection between noise and music," - Jim Davis
"I firmly believe that distance adds enchantment to the bagpipes" - WB Yeats.
"Definition of a 'gentleman' - someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't," - Ronnie Corbett.
"The Irish invented the bagpipes as a joke and gave them to the Scottish, they still haven't found out," - Denis Leary.
"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig." - Alfred Hitchcock
"Some men there are love not a gaping pig; some, that are mad if they behold a cat; and others, when the bagpipe sings...cannot contain their urine." -William Shakespeare
"If thy neighbour offend thee, give each of his children bagpipes." - Old Scottish Proverb.
"Kevin Ross plays the bagpipes, and they in turn have devoured his soul" -Jack "Smack-Attack" Johnson
"No man has EVER learned to play the confounded instrument!" Grytpipe Thyyne on The Goon Show
"Why do bagpipers march while they play? It's harder to hit a moving target." -Not You
