Bahrain

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The Kingdom of Bahrain, commonly known as the mole of the Persian Gulf, is an autonomous island in the South Pacific Ocean. It is the 5th richest country in the world, after Bangladesh, Rwanda, Nagpur, and Starbucks. Bahrain is named for a local tradition of imitating sheep to appease the rain gods during droughts.

[edit] Economy

The principal export of Bahrain has been Saudi Arabians, which Bahrain has been producing on behalf of their 'friendly' neighbor Saudi Arabia, ever since Saudi Arabia passed legislation banning heterosexual sex in 1955. In return, Bahrain receives daily shipments of free crude oil and plentiful supply of 'Sand Johns' for Bahrain's localised Eastern European hooker sector.

The Saudi Arabians are produced throughout the week at the Saudi Production Factory on Exhibition Avenue, with production stepped up over the weekends to meet the demanding Eastern European Hooker Market. The new Saudis are fed, clothed, and handed over a knackered old Toyota Camry before they beginning their drift back to Saudi Arabia to begin their lives holding hands with other big noised men, cutting the hands off of petty criminals.

Saudi men are famed for keeping their allocated chattel (AKA: women, ladies, girls etc) locked behind a black shroud. When asked, most Saudi men will tell you it is out of a morbid fear that their chattel might suffer a right old learing at by other pussy-phobic Saudi males. A fear they do well to be mindful of, as the only other 'chattel' most Saudi males have ever seen is their mum or their sisters and even then, not in the nude like most god fearing christian folk. Other than a plethora of scab-ridden migrant sex workers, a Saudi man will not put his 'man friend' to work until they are married off to a close cousin. Close cousins are preferred to ensure the Saudi population doesn't gain a level of intellect or genetic potential greater than that of a foot and mouth infested shetland pony.

Women who look like men and take it like a gay boy, are the preferred chattel of the Saudi male, but only if they have a large hook nose and can summon up a good cats hiss while in public places. Women in Saudi are illegal, but thanks to a recent softening of the law, they are now allowed to pee indoors and wash their arm pits with soap. Even in this newly relaced societal atmosphere, not every Saudi female has adopted these strange new liberal lifestyles. Most Saudi women prefer to live outside with the cattle. The most popular reason cited for this was the higher degree of conversational prowess milk bearing cows have compared with Saudi males.

On the side, Bahrain exports local sheep, which it has in abundance. Local sheep lack originality or independent thought (not unlike most Bahrianis, Indians and Philipinos in the region)and are easily goaded into riots or BJ's - which ever is the most crass and vulgar. The biggest customer currently is Toys-R-Us, which is competing with Hamleys by providing live and self-harming entertainment.

[edit] Imports

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bahrain.

Bahrain is the world's largest importer of south and south-east Asian people to be used as cheap labor. Most are given away for free by their respective countries. Bahrain's is also the world's largest importer of Sign Posts and Traffic Signals, with over 32% of them being replaced every weekend. Bahrain is also the world's second-largest importer of GMC front bumpers.Bahrain now gets a higher economy by selling filipino hookers to gay rapists on the streets near Shawarma Express and Pizza Hut. Be careful of bad nearly - bald boys named Arthur and George.

Bahrain is also under a Free-Trade agreement with the United States of America. This agreement allows the government to import highly demanded American goods. For example, hi-tech American refridgerators are beginning to make their way to the Kingdom. This is a major benefit to the people of the region because food rots easily in the searing temperatures. Now families who only had the option of storing their foods in unhygienic goat stomachs will be able to happily store food in a cool dry place.

[edit] Government

The Kingdom of Bahrain is governed by Toomz A Jumaa - Queen Resident and Goddess for Life. She likes to drive around in her pink car which is usually coated by a layer of cottoncandy. That way, when she gets hungry, she lcan just reach for the dashboard. The residents of Bahrain love Fatima and her house is barraged daily with swarms of fans offering her flowers and candy. I am one of her fans too. I like her more than I like Saudis and Michael Jackson. PUT TOGETHER.

a group of middle aged arabians, formerly known as 'The Village People' until that name was banned in 1802 when 7 homosexual American men released their first hit single 'YMCA' under the same name. Since then the Bahraini government has progressed greatly with achievements such as banning women, removing shop mannequins and most famously defeating the communist empire of hawar (which it claimed ownership of in 1999). To this day the government strive to improve it's economy and promote nationalism on a global scale.

Formerly during the revolution against the UAE, Prof. Sushie lead a determined group of locals wielding deadly weapons including overcooked Shawarma's and rotten tomatoes - savagely overthrew the machine gun equipped UAE army. Thus establishing independent rule (and asserting the fact that the shawarma sandwich being the most deadly weapon every made. Shortly after the revolution King Sushie was locked in a war with his old neighbor King Bushie! Whom has been declared the King and has made repeated demands for possession of the throne. All have been in vain!

King Sushie has made clear that he is willingly to return the throne - providing it can be found. As it was stolen while being transported on the back of Toyota Pick Up Truck, the location of the theft is unknown but it is believed to have been stolen somewhere between Royal Palace 2401 to Royal Palance 2402 (which happen to be 20 cm apart)

It is rumored that it was stolen by MiniMe and mobilized and armed by Doctor Evil to use against Austin Powers in the popular film Goldmember! Another theory is that it was sold on Throne Black market in Russia for 200 roubles (US$ 7)

[edit] Media

[edit] Radio

The only Radio station in Bahrain is the government-owned Radio Bahrain, which broadcasts static and more static throughout the week; having only 2 shows: The famous Silky Cuts by Subaah (with a silent 'uu') and Ibrahim (with a silent 'eh') Also, there is a man wanted in seven countries for many crimes ranging from selling drugs to jay walking with jay leno. His name is Krazy Kevin. If you see this man, you have to hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper and say "bad, no, no, bad". However if it doesn;t work "please call the police and wait for arrival of the police (usually 5 - 6 weeks if you are lucky). A spray can works just as well but makes sure to aim only at the body and not at his head.

[edit] Newspapers

The popular english-language daily, the Gulf Daily News, covers all the happenings in Bahrain, with 36% of the newspaper reserved by the Traffic Department and Government lies .

[edit] Art

The world's most enigmatic painting - The Shocked Auditor

Bahrain is the home of the renowned painter Vargesio, whose most enigmatic work is the nuarapolylanean artwork titled The Shocked Auditor. Visitors from all over the globe visit Bahrain to view this truly memorable painting (and pay loads of money at overprived museums)

Art researchers & critics have long wondered as to the enigmatic expression of this unknown auditor. Explanations range widely - Jack Doff, in his book Art through the Ages, says it could be due to the auditor's finding about the recently introduced 300% VAT on lingerie, while Mei Willie claims that the auditor's upward-looking expression could be due to South Hampton winning the World Cup. Recent research has unearthed evidence that the expression could actually be due to the auditor's seeing King Sushie's enormous manhood.

[edit] Tourism

Bahrain has estabished itself as a prime tourist location in the Middle East. Over 18,435,623 Filipino women entered Bahrain in 2004, many of them ending up dead in bathrooms, swimming pools wearing their employer's swimming suit or mysteriously ending up in Andrew Warner's car boot.

One of Bahrain's prime tourist spots is the Al Areen Wildlife Park, which was opened to visitors in June 2003. Unfortunately, since the exact location of the Wildlife Park is still undecided, tourists from Europe invariably find themselves lost in the desert, driving in circles, and eventually ending up at a GMC Suburban Authorised Dealer and dying of exhaust smoke inhalation and other "unknown natural causes" (article has been censored by the Royal Information Censor Office and creators have been locked in a Mitsubishi Pajero for future questioning)

98% of Bahrains income from tourism in the history of the world was due to Philosopholis Thompson, when in 1998 he bought all the zoos while on a visit, and let all the animals go so he could hunt them down again. He enjoyed it.

Exhibition Road, AKA Red Light District, tries to mirror the Amsterdam night life by importing a variety of international hookers. The Saudi favourite are the Philipinos and Banghalis.

[edit] Sports

One of Bahrain's two national Sports is digging. Any area that has previously been untouched MUST be dug up and built, and dug up and built several million times (at the very least) otherwise qatar will win the competition for the country with the most useless holes, diversions and roadblocks in it. So far Bahrain is leading by a total of 10,647,923,907 to Qatars close total of 10,647,923,906. Bahrain's main National Sport is rioting, which is intensely enjoyed by both old and young alike. Participants congregate at popular rioting sites, and go berserk, gaining points for style and damage, while the local police keep score. Bahrain Football Team has won 1966 Rioting World Cup after beating Russia 10,234,000 to 1. Riots are now considered as a weekend passtime where young boys from the age of 8-60 practice their running skills. This is where many scouts in Bahrain get their top olympic athletes from!

A famous Riot in 1999 included one due to lack of food, in which protesters through tomatoes at the king's pallace.

Another popular area is the National Stadium, where the Bahrain National Team practice rioting every few weeks. Entrance is free but the Government recommends you bring the following items:

• Bulletproof Glass Shields to protect yourself against flying tops of chairs
• Gas Mask as the Police will pump the whole area with Sarin Nerve Gas (which they think is another name for tear gas)
• Standard Issue riot gear for general purpose protection"

[edit] Notable events

Watching camels humping is one of the few popular activities enjoyed by locals in Bahrain as well as throughout the Middle East. These camels will be later castrated soon after for disobeying Allah.

On the 4th of January 1998, Radio Bahrain was raided by a group of Character Rights Activists, who barged into the heavily-fortified studio and held Dj Subah hostage for over 5 hours. The rights activists slammed the discrimination against the silent 'uu' character and clamoured for equal rights to all characters, including 'ahx' and 'eww'. Dj Subah was tortured by being forced to have a 4-hour show of only 'uuh' on air, ending with a badly-performed solo rendition of 'Ooh baby i love your way'. This event has been chronicled in the 1999 movie 'The Silence Of The Uuuh', which was nominated for 4 Academy Awards, starring Jay as Dj Subah and Silent Bob as Dj Ibrahim...

[edit] Military

The Bahrain National Health Club (known among a few conspiracy theorists as the Bahrain Defense Force) is unique in that it is the only armed forces in the world to use gas cylinders as a standard issue weapon for all branches.

Being recruited in the military is a huge honour for many Sudanese/Syrian/Yemeni/Bangladeshi/Indian/Pakistani families. Military Trainees usually undergo extremely difficult training programmes and as a final deciding test they must complete "Operation Naked Goat"

Once recruited into the military, a trainee is presented with a Shawarma Plate, deodorant, and most importantly a Bahraini Passport

BAPD: Bahrain Police Force AKA The Death Squad are known to be one of the deadliest well-trained police forces in the world.

[edit] Political Importance

Bahrain is the birthplace of Dorothy Vadeer, a UOB Honours student, whose botched sex-change operation turned her into the villanous Darth Vader, Leader of the Dark Forces and CEO of The Shawarma Paper Company.

[edit] Golf

Bahrain has spawned some of the best Golf players in the world, although in Bahrain the Golf balls are not sent to the holes by the Golf players as usual. Instead, balls leave the holes and go after players. The game is about sending the balls away using badminton rackets. Extra points are given for players that deflect balls and make them hit other players causing serious injuries.

Countries and territories of Asia

Western Asia: Afghanistan | Armenia | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Iran | Iraq | Israel | Jordan | Kuwait | Oman | Pakistan | Palestinian Territories | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen East Asia: China (PRC) | Hong Kong | Japan | Macau | North Korea | South Korea | Taiwan (ROC) | Wal-Mart's Republic of China | Republic of Taiwan Southeast Asia: Brunei | Cambodia | East Timor | Indonesia | Laos | Malaysia | Myanmar | Philippines | Singapore | Thailand | Vietnam South Asia: Bangladesh | Bhutan | India | Kashmir | Maldives | Nepal | Sri Lanka | Tibet Central Asia: Kazakhstan | Kyrgyzstan | Mongolia | Tajikistan | Turkmenistan | Uzbekistan | other Stan countries Euroasia: Cyprus | Georgia | Japan-France | Russia | Turkey Phoenician Asia: Lebanon

[edit] Hotspots

Bukawara, Saar Cinema, Med Cafe, Juffair, Seef Mall, Sakhir(during winter), Cyprus Garden, Jawad, Fuddruckers, and the police station.