Balloon
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“I once choked on an exploding balloon.”
~ Oscar Wilde on balloons
Balloons are mobile, economic traps for Evil Spirits. They are usually made from rubber, but sometimes from more exotic substances such as cloth, animal bladders and mango. In modern society, people carelessly and foolishly inflate balloons and blow them up for fun, thus releasing a horde of horrible, destructive forces upon themselves and others.
[edit] Colour
Balloons are normally made in the image of God and are colourful in order to draw these evil spirits, who sometimes incarnate themselves in the hideous form known as "a clown". Once the spirit approaches a balloon, it is swallowed whole and the balloon takes its spherical form. Inside the balloon, the evil spirit weakens gradually and dies within a few days, unless the balloon explodes. Aware to this fact, the captured evil spirits use Telepathy to control the minds of any persons near the balloon and cause them an unstoppable desire to blow the balloon up with sharp objects, there fore releasing the evil spirits. Once you release these evil spirits they will haunt you until you get another balloon. If you ever accidentally blow up a balloon go get another one from the nearest dollar store and re-capture the evil spirit. You know the spirit is dead when the balloon looks deflated and crippled.
The inventor of the Balloon, one Ricardo Branson (1820-?), came by his invention incidentally while trying to beat NASA to the moon. He noticed that the "artificial bladder", devised to contain the gasis emitted from the astronauts after their descent on bean stew, got inflated all by itself when left alone. Branson quickly realized that the only feasible explanation for this was evil spirits, and therefore neglected his space program and started manufacturing balloons by the millions. Branson's findings, by the way, are easy to replicate: Just put a balloon somewhere where evil spirits roam, and soon you'll find it inflated. One can also blow directly into the balloon, filling it with the benign evil spirits which normally inhabit our lungs. Though these facts are true, it is believed the real inventor of the balloon was Unga Hungaho** (800 B.C.-present)Whose stumbled on to his invention when he was trying to make an apple with a T.V. and a box of Cherrios. The popping of this balloon released the evil spirit who is responsible for the Big Bang.
[edit] Mass marketing
Soon after the beginning of balloon mass-manufacturing came the important art of balloon tying. By twisting the trapped evil spirit along certain energy points (Chakras) of its astral body, the spirit's telepathic powers deminish and people are less prone to blow the tied balloon up.
The effectiveness of this device proved fatal to the evil spirit community, and in a special conference they have decided to fight back with a clever scheme. After an extensive research of the human psyche, evil spirits learned that we humans can't resist the primordial urge to make funny noises. Therefore they hid themselves in special balloons called "Helium" (Hell-ium!) and waited for people to inhale them. Then, for a short while, the evil spirits would distort the voices of the inhalers in a funny way. This plan worked better than expected, and all over the world people just can't wait to get their hands on some balloons and release more and more evil spirits into the world.
Balloon Demons, as they are formally known, can also be captured while blowing soap bubbles at them. This method works only in emergencies because Balloon Demons can force soap bubbles to pop themselves randomly. After the Demon has freed himself from a soap bubble, it is usually very tired from the procedure. If many soap bubbles are present, you can continue to recapture it until it dies of exhaustion! Otherwise, quickly get a balloon talisman and capture the demon permanently.
- Unga Hungaho is believed to be a relative of the Geico caveman.
