Banana peels
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“Smokin'...”
~ Donovan on Banana Peels
Banana peels are the number one cause of death amongst the world. They are known to cause more deaths than war, disease, and even grues. Banana peels are even known to be feared by grues in fact, due to their deadly properties.
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[edit] The Basic Facts about Banana Peels
The first thing you should know about these deadly fruit skins, is that they come from the most phallic fruit on Earth, the banana. A banana peel is created when a certain organism devours the actual "meat" of the banana and the peel is discarded carelessly. The banana peel will then make it's way unto the floor, sprawled in a cross formation, waiting for any unlucky traveler.
The deadliness of the banana peel comes from the slipperiness it inhibits. A banana peel is said to be the second most slippery thing in the universe. The first being premature ejaculation. Any thing that accidentally steps on a banana peel will have a fall, and eventually break all their bones, their skulls, their organs, and even their individual cells. Not only that but a banana peel can cause you to become an hero, have your wife to cheat on you, and might even cause AIDS.
[edit] How to avoid banana peels
A proper way to avoid a gruesome yet comical death at the hands of a banana peel is to:
- Watch your step, otherwise it's heaven or hell for you.
- Throw the banana peel in a trash can.
- Wear boots with those fancy spikes on them.
- Use a jetpack.
The most effective way to avoid banana peels is to use a jetpack. Banana peels only can attack on the ground, so your safe in the air.
[edit] The Banana peel project
A secret government project in which their aim is too use banana peels for use in war. They currently have 69 scientists working on a way to use banana peels as weapons of mass destruction. However, all tests have failed and eventually lead to the destruction of a lot of hummers. Since then, the project has been collecting dust like Britney Spears's career.
[edit] How deadly are Banana peels?
Simply put: fucking deadly.
They strike when you least expect it. Like a ninja only more stealthier and in brighter colors.
List of tragedies caused by banana peels:
- 9/11 - The airplane pilot accidentally slipped on a banana peel and pressed the wrong button. The banana was traced back to a grocery store in Iraq and that's where the confusion came in.
- Steve Irwin's death - Steve Irwin accidentally tripped on a banana peel which led him to fall forward and get impaled by the tail of a wanking stingray.
- O.J. Simpson murders - O.J was innocent after all. He just accidentally tripped with tweezers in his hands. The true culprit was of course a banana peel.
- WWII - Hitler tripped on a banana peel and thought a jew who was there at the time tripped him.
- Life - The only miracle ever brought upon by a banana peel
- Pearl Harbor - A banana peel was jammed in the bomber airplane which caused the bomb to slide out because of the peel's grease.
- Scientology - L.Ron Hubbard had a concushion due to a banana peel. During his concushion he drempt he was being abducted by aliens.
- Dinosaurs - A banana peel caused the dinosaurs to go extinct. It seems at the end of the Cretaceous period, banana peels evolved and dominated the prehistoric floor. You can pretty much guess what happens next. The pterosaurs and marine reptiles were wiped out by another cause.
- Your birth - Do I need to describe this one?
