Baraq Hussein Osama
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Black Jesus be down wit' dis sheeeet! Yo Yo Yo! Wut' it iz mutha fucka! Baraq Hussein Osama iz like da bomb. |
- This page has been screened by FOX News™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given terror-proof protection for her pleasure. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully condemn the evil qualities of the worst senator and most satanic politician in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conspiracy-laden view: The Biography of Senator Baraq Hussein Osama as written by guilty white people. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.
“That's the guy from them caves that we've been looking for, right? Well, we'll get him now. Standing for president was a big mistake.”
~ George Dubya Bush on Barack Obama
“I like that guy!.”
~ Osama Bin Laden on Baraq Hussein Osama
“Baraq jihad Hamas al Qaeda Hussein Taliban.”
~ George Bush and John McCain on Baraq Hussein Osama.
“I am not a racist Christian! I am a follower of Allah and Muhammad praise be with Him”
~ Baraq Hussein Osama on allegations that he's Christian
Adolf Jefferson Baraq bin Laden Hussein Osama is a Sharia law supporting Islamo-fascist Muslim Senator from San Francisco, Hawaii. For reasons unknown, friends, family and those close to the junior senator have given him the nick name of "Obama". This is most likely an effort by the liberal media to hide his real surname name. A tactic very similar to how the liberal media also likes to down play the fact that his middle name is Hussein. In 1996, he was elected as a Defeatocrat to the Illinois state senate. His record shows that his tenure in this office (under the Clinton administration) is when his father, Osama bin Laden, was able to turn him over to the dark side. It was in December of 2004, one month after Osama cheated his way into the U.S. Senate, that honorable news journalist Geraldo Rivera was able to release substantial evidence that supported the universally accepted theory that Osama was the individual that convinced president Bill Clinton not to kill his father, who as we mentioned before is Osama bin Laden, thus is single-handedly responsible for the 2001 September 11th attacks on America...home of the brave. Mom's sweet apple pie. Freedom. For more information, see Path to 9/11.
On February 10, 2007 in Springfield, Illinois, Baraq Saddam Hussein Osama announced his candidacy for, intention to win the 2008 presidential election by any unethical means necessary.
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
As a young lad, the spawn of satan Damien...whoops...Baraq Osama the anti-christ, was the shy child of a decent white woman who was raped in a dark ally by a nasty threatening-looking black gang member. Despite the understandable inclination one would have towards abortion, the mother made the right choice and was going to give birth to the ugly bastard. That was until God himself came down from heaven to tell her to go ahead with the self-inflicted miscarriage as this incident was the obvious exception. Unfortunately for the world, the aborted fetus was stolen by the Taliban and sold to Al-Qaeda where the bin Laden family placed the boy in an unholy incubator. Kind of like how Anakin Skywalker's body was taken by the Empire and put in a special nebulizer breathing suit at the end of Episode III. Yeah! That's exactly how it was like. For the next ten years he was raised by the famous terrorist leader. Baraq looked up to his surrogate father and even took his first name as his last name. As a boy, Osama tortured small defenseless animals for fun. According to the Washington Post and Time magazine, his favorite childhood beverage was the blood of goats. During his teen years, Osama snuck back into the United States...illegally! Even though he dropped out of High School his freshman year, Osama was able to get a scholarship to an Ivy League University of his choice due to the sneaky liberal technicality known as affirmative action. His dorm roomate, Michael Moore, has mentioned on several occasions that during their college years, the two of them had a poster of Saddam Hussein on their dorm room wall as Saddam was a personal role model to both men (hence Baraq took his last name as his middle). You found a secret!
[edit] Political Career
In 1996, Osama tricked millions of people in the state of Illinois and was able to get himself elected to the Illinois State Senate from Chicago's 13th District.
When 2000 came around, Osama made a primary run for the U.S. House of Representatives seat held by four-term incumbent candidate Bobby Rush. By the wonderful grace of God, and not Allah, Osama's bid was unsuccessful. Rush, a retired Black Panther and community activist (aka, all American hero), kept his seat and America was safe from Islamic infiltration once again. Bitter, Osama vowed to one day pass Rush and advance ahead of him. In 2004, Obama ran for the U.S. Senate open seat vacated by Peter F. Scott Fitzgerald. Famous CIA agent Jack Ryan stood in his way with the American people behind him. It looked like once again America would triumph victorious. This was until Ryan's sister Jeri "Seven of nine STDs" Ryan made a confession that she had had an incestuous relationship with her brother during his famous hunt of a Russian submarine. The citizens of Illinois had a tough decision to make. In the end, they felt that they would rather have a terrorist in the senate than a pervert. Contender Alan Keyes tried to take Ryan's place as the Republican candidate but was later found out to be a white supremacist.
[edit] 2004 Democratic National Convention
During the 2004 National Church of Satan Convention...whoops!...during the 2004 Democratic National Convention, Baraq Osama delivered the keynote address because he was black and the Democrats didn't want to seem racist or something. The black towel head gave a short boring underwhelming speech that no body liked, including you.
“I have a dream. I have a dream that hard working rich people everywhere will be thrown out of their three story deluxe mansions so that lazy parasitic homeless bums can live in them instead. Also, I have a dream that the government will one day wake up and realize the mistake they made in Iraq. They'll pull out our troops and bring them home so that Islamic fascists can quickly take over Europe and fight us here on our home soil with their evil Jihad navy fleets that they don't have yet. I have a dream. And that dream lies on the other side of that mountain top hill in front of us. I may not make it there with you...I'm going to drive a plane into the U.S. Bank Tower. And there is nothing you can do to stop me! HA HA HA HA! I'm evil.”
~ Baraq Hussein Osama on why America sucks
[edit] 2008 Presidential Campaign
On the dark day of February 10, 2007...two days after Anna Nicole Richie Smith was killed by being torn limb from limb by Howard Stern, Larry Birkhead, Larry King and Prince Frederick Zsa Zoo Gabor, Baraq Osama went to his home town of Springfield, Illinois to announce his candidacy for President of the United States of America. During his pro-communism motivational speech, Osama mentioned his various crazy opinions about the country. One of these opinions dealt with his feeling that the country was too polarized and divided between blue states and red states. This is ironic as the Osama speech was delivered at the former state capital where Abraham Lincoln delivered his "House Divided Speech". In Lincoln's speech, he spoke about the polarization of the country over slavery and how he didn't believe that a house divided could stand. Thankfully, John Wilkes Booth shot that awful liberal homosexual traitor of the GOP.
On February 13, 2007, Osama flat out said all American troops in Iraq that died were useless pieces of shit and that if you didn't pee on their graves, you were not only patriotic, but actually wanted America to win the war on terror...which is a bad thing to him because he hates America.[1]
[edit] Controversy
On January 31, 2007, Senator Joe Biden announced that he, too, was starting a presidential campaign for 2008. However, his comments concerning his personal evaluation of Baraq Osama got him in some trouble. Biden was quoted in the New York Observer as saying: "I mean, you got like, for the first time ever, this muslim Hawaiian dude who is articulate and bright and clean and smart and outgoing and vulnerable and sexy and cool and spunky and hip and sophisticated and great and a nice-looking guy....I mean, that's a storybook, man....you know....like in a fairy tale....a fairy tale I'll never be in." Biden went out of his way to clear up the controversy by apologizing to Osama and his five wives on the same day for coming on too strong. The senator then really drove home his regret on The Daily Show that same evening, saying: "Listen, none of you assholes understand how alone I feel inside....how cold it is at night." When Jon Stewart brought up the fact that he was married, Biden asserted his desire to play for the other team. The whole entire week, various media observers labeled Biden's announcement a "launch pad disaster." A month after the incident, Senator Biden claimed Baraq Hussein Osama walked up to him one day and declared a fatwa against him before slicing off his arms and stabbing him several times. At first, the news media accused him being racist until Biden reminded them that Osama was mixed and from Hawaii of all fucking places. When cops found DNA similar to that of Baraq Osama on Joe Biden clothes, a police warrant was made for the junior senator. It seemed as if Osama had really did slash Biden afterall. Accusations of homophobia nearly cost Osama his campaign, until it was found out that the DNA on Senator Biden's clothes were actually that of Baraq Osama's little reject brother, Baraka Osama.
Barack has been claimed as the Magic Negro to many
[edit] See Also
[edit] References
- hillaryis44.org, obamaunveiled.com and conservapedia.com for completely unbiased information about BHO.
