Barnsley
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Barnsley Capital of England 
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| State Flower: | Dandelion & Burdock |
| Official Language: | Barnsley |
| Town Motto: | The 'lecky's been cut, and the wattah's brarn |
| Nickname: | Chav Central |
| Demographic: | 99.1% White |
| Principal imports: | Wattah, lecky, glass, alcopops, adidas 'four stripe', oversized golden hoop earrings, rockport boots |
| Principal exports: | Fake Burberry, Boyracers, mingers, STIs |
“Tha guein darn t'pit?”
~ A Miner on a normal day in Barnsley
“Alreet cock, tha gotta fag mate?”
~ An average 10 year old Barnsley child
Barnsley (pronounced barn-zer-lee), also known as tarn was once a bustling metropolis of Ancient Greece. Now, it is an up-market town in the centre of New England. It's populus, known as Barnslians all of whom are related (except for 21 rasta's), are known for bein "Strong in't arm, thick in't head." Hence, why they were so good in the pit as they would work for 22hours a day whilst never realising they are surrounded by poisonous fumes (That is why the budgie is now lying at the bottom of its cage).
The locals are so affectionate towards their hometown that often their conversation revolves around nothing but Barnsley, though the younger generation can often be found bleating obscenities outside McDonald's. To put it simply, thought many would not want to go to Barnsley, it doesn't matter as most people are not welcome in Barnsley!
Villages: "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Athersley" "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Wombwell"
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[edit] People of Barnsley
The people of Barnsley are kind and caring, their love of "t'Giro" being particularly strong. The people of Barnsley are famous for their distinctive warcry "Tha wot! Ar much?", this is commonly heard in the markets of Barnsley, and whenever a Barnslian is forced to pay more than 10 bob for owt. They do love a good pastie too.
One soon to be famous person from Barnsley is Danielle Elizabeth Ford. Currently Danielle is learning how to become a director so as he can direct cult classics such as Meet the Spartans and Date Movie. She lives in Salford for now but comes from the local toilet of Dod'erth.
People frum tarn (Barnsley) are proper northerners anyone south of Barnsley is a shandy drinking poof and anyone from north of barnsley is inbred ie Leeds, Middlesboro etc. Dunt even get me started on scotland! People of Barnsley, be proud, you are the proper northern monkeys.
[edit] Famous Buildings in Barnsley
The Bush Inn, Kingstone
A fantastic piece of post georgian, victorian architecture thought to have been designed by hot chocolates Errol Brown, now under threat of demolision. It has been shut for many years now and locals have thought to have signed petitions and created websites to get it re-opened. One website is rumoured to have as many as 3 members.
[edit] Barnsley Phrases
'By Local Historian and sliced bread expert, Mickey
Tha What? - Pardon Me
Gizzit! - Could you pass me that please
Ar Much! - Thats rather expensive isnt it?
Go an get thi sen fucked off! - Go away please
Tha a reyt tub er spunk - You are a complete imbecile
A tha gooin int tarn for a few, tha comin? - Would you like to join me for some sociable drinks in the town centre
Chip Oyl - Fish and Chip shop
Eyup! wot thaa fuckin doing, get fucked off - Excuse me, What are your intentions, please stop
Tha gunna get some reyt shoe thee! - Your are going to receive a dam good kick in
She could shit in my snap tin - Wow! What an attractive lady.
Snap tin - Lunch box
Council / Cooperation pop - Tap Water
ManShagger - Homosexual Gentleman
[edit] Pastimes
Favourite pastimes include mining down't pit and combining words to form random sentences that no normal person understands. Another is talking 'bart' Barnsley itself. If you don't talk about Barnsley, you are not welcome in Barnsley.
Frequently having sexual intercourse with familly members of t'opposite sex is also a very common pastime in this area. This may or may not explain the abundance of Townie fookin' scum that can oft' be seen pushing a pram about their local area (though one could argue that the primary reason for having a pram around is so that they can ram into the back of nearby strangers' legs; this seems to happen all too frequently around Barnsley)
Even though there are only five TV's in all of Barnsley, another good past time there is watching the movie KES. This is the only movie that was ever made in Barnsley (apart from Brassed Off, set in the fictional town 'Grimley' this was actually set in Grimethorpe, based on Grimethorpe Colliery Band.
Although this was not as successful as Kes, this was a highly recognisable film) and everyone claims to know most of the people that was in it. The reason another movie was not made in Barnsley ever again was because nobody could understand what the hell they were saying, half of the time it sounds as if they are communicating through moans and grunts.
Binge drinking also is an important part of Barnsleys culture. The entire population of the town can usually be found on wellington street on a saturday night partaking in many local pastimes including, mooneying, urinating in the street, hurling abuse at anyone and everyone, and most importantly fighting.
[edit] Sports
Apart from bullying, Barnsley doesn't really get up to much. Boyracers are around McDonald's, but let's not constitute that sport. Now, bullying, that's the sport of Barnsley.
Anyone with an IQ reaching 60+ (the average of Alabama) or look slightly retarded are a target to heckling. If you have long hair, then you are an emo, here, take some razorblades and go somewhere else. You are simply not welcome in Barnsley.
| Tha lyke fookin pissin rarnd wi mi wattah? Gi orr! What? Didn't you understand that? Well, get the hell out of this article! You are simply not welcome in Barnsley, or it's article, cockar. |
[edit] Careers
Most barnsley folk go into on of the following careers: Diggin' stuff, Hittin' stuff, Sexxin' stuff, Buildin' stuff or European Parliment Members
Careers advice is 'doled out' by drunken, middle aged women who are beaten by their husbands (or wifes as it is more often). These 'advisers' use a bingo machine to select the career of the child who visits, this child is then forbidden from changing career.
