Bart Simpson
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“I laugh at you idiots! Hah! Hah twice!”
~ User:Hatmaster on Bart's Family
Bartholomew 'Bart' JoJo Constintine Charles Brian Aberforth Michael Hunt Joseph Frank (the mole) David Andrew Mangina fonkonskini idilho "im a hobo" indian georgiizzz frugenjum Alberto Simpson is one of the most outstanding citizens residing in Springfield. He is the only person Satan worships. Last heard, Satan has collected 666 straws used by Bart to drink soda. Bart comes from a particular wise family who give out advise to lost youth and found geriatrics on their TV show called, The Simpsons. The word brat in the English language comes from an anagram of Bart.
Contents |
[edit] Character Origins
There are a lot of stories on how the Holy Bart came into being. One of them of course is the most refuted rumour that he is a product of the sexual union between Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson The other story says that Bart came from the sea when the band Seattle grunge metal band Nirvana was shooting still images for their album Nevermind. His naked sermon to Kurt Cobain changed Kurt's life completely. As you can see in the image that Bart arrived from the heavens as old as he always is. It is rumored that morphologically Bart will always remain immortal. There are more than a hundred thousand stories of Bart's origin, which you can choose to believe depending on what faith and religion you follow. A comprehensive encyclopedia is available on Whamazon.com for $666. Suprisingly, he was the only Simpson to show his cock much to the delight of creepy old men everywhere.
[edit] Love Life
Bart has married and divorced several people. His first known love was Fergie whom aborted all seventeen children that would have been him. He had marriages and divorces to all the Spice girls. He married Lance Bass in Vegas and divorced when he realized that Lance was a gay man, not Hilary Duff. Duff and Simpson had sex and Haley Duff videotaped it and posted it on YouTube; both Duffs and Simpson are not speaking eversince Hillary went laid Rockstar joel madden whom is now married to his brother Benji, whom is now married to Mariah Carey at the same time. His most popular marriage was to Amanda from QLD as they had a child whom his brother in lawDavid from qld killed, thinking it was a rabid sock puppet. After the death of their son, Simpson and Amanda divorced. Bart was once raped by Lance Bass soon after their divorce; this made Bart so angry, he killed Bass with a grappling hook and made love with God's prostitute and Simpson's mother, Marge, simultaneously in an Airplane seat (the onlookers behind them, one recorded as black Jesus, never where the same). Bart disappeared for most of 2003 for he had surgery to become a women, renamed himself "Barterella" and did it dirty with female lesbians. A photo of Barterella making love with Ellen DeGenerous still haunts Canadia and kittens to tears. Some think Maggie Simpson is a child of Simpson and his sister, Lisa Simpson, but everyone knows thats one retarded idea. *shifty eyes*
[edit] Famous people to follow Bartology
- Milhouse is often involved in Bart's escapedes but no one pays attention to him because Milhouse is his sex slave. Milhouse is also gay. Extremely gay....
- Ned Flanders is Bart's pretending-to-be Christian neighbour but is the second High Priest of the last church of Bartology.
- Chuck Norris of course.
- Tom Cruise has been awarded Barthood after doing the Bartology On-the-Couch ritual on Oprah. He has been given the Lifetime Bartchievement award for being the most successful spy in the Church of Scientology. Unnamed Bartologists claim to know all the secret passwords of Scientology.
- You are the most important member of the last church of Bartology especially after you made it to the cover of Time.
- Kurt Cobain of course.
- Oprah Winfrey as a result of the On-the-Couch ritual. (Barts ex)
- Chloe Miseryguts, backing singer with techno band thewomb.
- Jeff Lebowski as a result of the Faithful Time Travel phenomenon.
[edit] Battles Bart fought and lived to tell about
It is well known The Simpsons invited many beings and powerful entities to come to Springfield. What is not too well known is that Bart has a open challenge to anyone who wants to challenge their power against the Holy one. The list consist of every person Bart has fought and defeated. Some of their losses was so severe that there was reprocutions after the battle.
- Chuck Norris- I want to be like you when I grow up.
- Michael Jackson- It doesn't matter if you're black or white, hee hee.
- Michael Jordan-Now owns the Wizards because of it.
- The Ramones- Otto ran their bus over a cliff, and were killed in the explosion before they even left Springfield.
- Adam West - Batman
- Mel Gibson- Not very popular now, are you?
- Satan- Now worships Bart.
- God- Now member of Bartology.
- Stan Lee- Bart worshiper
- WWE- Name, company, and people are now dying if not already dead.
- Hulk Hogan-Now blames God for the loss.
- Sonic- Where's the Sega console now?
- Super Mario- He isn't so super any more.
- King of the Hill
- MacGyver
- Jack Bauer- Bart does not fear the power of Bauer.
- Tony Hawk- Force to make a Simpsons skating game. Bart regretted it.
- Former president George Bush- Got beat so hard, his son felt it. Son became stupid afterwards.
- Al Bundy- Has humaliated to the pointof changing his name to Ted Bundy, and took up a hobby of murder.
- Tim "The Foolman" Taylor-Even the Binford 6100 Sandbelt was no match for Bart. Now Tim is in Disney Remakes.
- MC Hammer- This tool now lives in a box.
- MC Pee Pants-This was an easy fight since M.C. Pee Pants was a Wasp.
- Japan
- Cleveland-Now all Cleveland Teams are called The Steamers. Even LeBron James couldn't stop Bart.
- Fox TV- Afraid to stand up against own creations afterwards.
- Futurama- Fox encouraged them to do it.
- Family Guy-Very easy fight...Especially with Meg Griffin.
- X-Files- Mulder likes to carry a picture of himself in his undies now.
- Steve Urkel
- Eric Cartman-Kyle sided with Bart during the fight.
- Adam Sandler- Forced into taking the lead role in "Punch Drunk Love"
- Donald Duck-After that fight, Donald was forced to walk around without pants.
- Jose Carioca-Fought after the episode of "Blame it on Lisa" in a game of soccer.
- Hugo Chavez-Now he can't even show "The Simpsons" in his country.
- Ronald McDonald-Ever heard of the McRoll?
- Your Mom-Don't ask.
- Justin Timberlake
- Everyone in The Simpsons, especially Sideshow Bob (which he beat-up 10 times on Pay-per-View).
[edit] Famous Quotes
“Mom what are you thinking!? We can't just send Santa Helper away, he's a dog not grampa!”
~ Bart Simpson talking to Marge
“Eat my shorts!”
~ Bart Simpson telling you to do as he says
“¡Ay, caramba!”
“Can't sleep, clown will eat me.”
~ Bart Simpson on Simpson eating clowns
“Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church.”
~ Bart Simpson on his dog when Willie said he ate it
“I want to be emancipated!”
~ Bart Simpson on being the Dude
“It's craptacular.”
~ Bart Simpson on being on TV
“I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.”
~ Bart Simpson on the faculty talent show
“I don't know but it inspired Bill Buckner to open a chain of Laundromats.”
~ Bart Simpson on the effects of Bartology on common man.
“I'll give you four bucks for it.”
~ Bart Simpson on an attempt to convert You to Bartology
“Am I the only one in horrible pain?”
~ Bart Simpson on Reality TV
“Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”
~ Bart Simpson on the real meaning of Christmas
“Man, I'm so bored.”
~ Bart Simpson on this page
“I could take up smoking.”
~ Bart Simpson on what would he do if left in a room full of Marlboro cigarettes?
“Man, most of the quotes above are really things I said. No wonder the Jee Man didn't approve this page!”
~ Bart Simpson on this page
“Screw you man!”
~ Bart Simpson on You
“I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?”
~ Bart Simpson on politely introducing himself to you
“Don't let that scene in the movie fool you. It was cold that day we shot it.”
~ Bart Simpson on talking about his "Nudity" on the movie.
