Bast
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Bast, alias Bastet, Mirage and Josie and the Pussycats is an Ancient Egyptian cat goddess, singer, actress, sexual predator and aromatherapist who many fanatics would gladly jump into bed with.
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[edit] Origins
Bast grew up like any other catwoman in Ancient Egypt; receiving offerings from the puny mortals, battling Batman on a daily basis and staging regular performances of Watership Down on the Nile.
Because of all of this, Bast and many other Gods became extremely rich, and this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of as nobody was really poor, at least nobody worth speaking of. But as time passed, life for these strangely attractive gods became rather dull, particularly when the sacrifices were simply slaughtered animals past their sell-by date. For Bast, it was a case of slaughtered cats, which weren't that much use. And so one day, Bast decided enough was enough.
[edit] Bad Kitty
The events that followed are best described in the Book of Pussy, written in 2,000 BC by an Egyptian scribe known only as Peenyss.
“With the aid of a palace surgeon known as Frankenstein, and her own dark magic, Bast led an uprising against the mortals, slaughtering all in her path, and sparing only the most dedicated of followers. Eventually, nearly all of Egypt fell to her, and the Gods exiled her to the place of suffering.”
~ Book of Pussy on Kittycat Uprising of 2,000 BC
[edit] Exile
As it was later discovered by Prof. Bobby Bumgarden, the place of suffering mentioned in the scroll was in fact New York. As many people in New York were a bunch of jerkoff assholes anyway, Bast settled right in, and surprisingly fitted in quite well, although she was unable to convince people to sacrifice anything as the pompous pricks cared only about themselves, so Bast accepted them as sacrifice by throwing them into the path of oncoming traffic.
[edit] Later Career
Having lost a great deal of her goddess status because she was living in a city of braindead motherfuckers, Bast decided to try and win them over with entertainment, in the hope that by gaining popularity, she would soon gain enough support to return to Egypt.
At first, Bast tried stand-up comedy at a sleazy club in Manhattan, but because New York is such a dumb crowd, only she and Oscar Wilde (who was on a hunting trip at the time with Elmer Fudd) understood the jokes.
Then, in 1975, Bast was offered the role of the Singing Lips in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but the teast-screening proved to be so disastrous that she was dropped immediately from production.
[edit] Retirement
Because of her eternal suffering, and their primitive minds, the city of New York handed Bastet over to the British Museum, where she retired to the UK after finding London just as primitive and aggressive as New York. Having lived for nearly 5,000 years, and failed to get a decent living, she has retired to the catacombs of the British Museum, where she now awaits her opportunity to rise up once again.
