Bathtub
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“Because I can.”
~ Spiderman on Bathtub
The Bathtub is a small body of water located on the west side of Condominiumland, which is accessible through the Hallway Passage.
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[edit] Dimensions
The Bathtub has a surface area of 0.00000033 square miles (0.00000085 km2) and a maximum depth of 0.9 ft (0.27 meters). It is fed by one main tributary, which periodically raises water levels to within 0.1 feet of the edge of the basinal structure. The waters of the Bathtub have also occasionally spilled over the edges, causing extreme hydrological damages to the surrounding areas.
Tides in the Bathtub are minuscule because of its small size. During drainage seasons, violent whirlpools may spontaneously form, whose direction of rotation is strongly influenced by ambient Coriolis forces.
[edit] Salinity
The waters of the Bathtub contain relatively low quantities of dissolved salts. However, they are much higher in concentration than the other oceans in dirt, mud, animal hairs, dead leaves, rambunctious children, and boogers.
[edit] Geology
Careful analysis of the thousands of ring-shaped deposits on the steeply-sloping sides of the Bathtub indicate many separate periods of inundation, interspersed by drainage events over the course of the past several million years. Exploration of the bottom of the Bathtub by deep-sea divers has revealed a relatively smooth surface, which is occasionally interrupted by multicolored adhesions similar in appearance to coral reefs. Also near the bottom is a circular aperture, which is believed responsible for occasional whirlpool activity (mentioned above).
The Bathtub contains several large floating continents composed of a low-density foam-like substance. Computer simulations of the history of the movements, collisions, and breakup of these continents are indicatative of the presence of deep underwater currents. What causes these currents is presently unknown, but are currently hypothesized to be due to the unpredictable movements of a naked organic creature with a hyperactive imagination.
[edit] Marine Ecology
The Bathtub is home to a great number of indigenous aquatic species, such as the sponge, the rubber ducky, the giant sea serpent, the purple octopus with three googly eyes, and bacteria.
[edit] Shipping
Maritime traffic on the Bathtub is extensive during the summer months. Ships regularly haul dozens of tiny plastiform passengers from one edge of the Bathtub to the other whislt going "Tooot toot tooOOT!!! Oh noes! the big red boat crashed against the purple octopus! Help, we're SINKING (glub glub glub)!"" Unfortunately, catastrophic accidents are all too frequent, mostly due to navigational error.
[edit] Environmental Woes
In recent years, the environmentally-sensitive environment of the Bathtub has been ominously threatened by various chemical pollutants, such as harsh detergents, multicolored paint spills, Mister Bubble, and unidentified gaseous anomalies. The innumerable shipwrecks which litter the bottom of the Bathtub also pose an unwarranted hazard to the indigenous wildlife. Since the costs of restoring the Bathtub to its pristine unpolluted state are estimated to be incalculable, focus has been shifted instead to prevention of future degradation by banning the wholesale introduction of foodstuffs, electrically-powered machines, and large dogs.
