Battle of Hastings

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"Agggh my eye u fucking noob!"

~ haRoLd_gOdwiNsOn on getting pwned

The Battle of Hastings was a decisive victory by the Normans, led by William_Da_B@ST@RD, over the Saxons, led by haRoLd_gOdwiNsOn in Warcraft III multiplayer. With haRoLd_gOdwiNsOn’s defeat and subsequent banning from Blizzard Servers, the battle of Hastings signified the end of Anglo-Saxon rule in England. The Norman Conquest would have far reaching political, cultural, and linguistic effects. As such, the Battle of Hastings is thought by many historians to be the single most important 2v2 game of Warcraft III ever played.

Contents 1 The Earl of Northumbria's Blunder 2 The Saxon Victory Over the Vikings 3 Fateful Timing 4 The Aftermath

[edit] The Earl of Northumbria's Blunder

On October 14, 1066 the team of haRoLd_gOdwiNsOn, last of the Anglo-Saxon kings, and XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX, the Earl of Northumberland, faced off against William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy, and HARALDHARDASS, King of Norway, at a LAN party six miles north of the town of Hastings. Although HARALDHARDASS and William_Da_B@ST@RD did not cooperate, early blunders by XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX would cost the Saxons heavily. XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX had chosen to play Undead, and as a result in the early game his acolytes were vulnerable to the stealth attacks of HARALDHARDASS’s level one Orcish Blademaster. The situation was not beyond remedy, but XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX was brash and, in the words of the Anglo Saxon chronicles was “too much of a fucking noob to build a shop and get some goddamn dust of appearance, FUCK.” The problem was only exacerbated by a questionable decision on XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX’s part to attempt to tech straight to tier three Frost Wyrms. XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX had soon lost four out of five acolytes to HARALDHARDASS’s hit and run attacks and, in a move almost universally condemned by Saxon, Norman, and Viking sources as “fucking gay,” disconnected from the server in frustration.

[edit] The Saxon Victory Over the Vikings

XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX’s desertion left HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn to fight both the Vikings and the Normans alone. The situation was particularly galling for HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn because he had left his common law wife and mother of his six children, Edith – often called Swan-Neck – in order to marry XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX’s sister Aldyth – the widow of the welsh king Griffith ap Llewellyn -- and secure the Earl of Northumberland’s support. But in spite of the fact that the game was now effectively 2v1, the Saxons did not fold. After XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX disconnected, HARALDHARDASS made the error of slowing the production of new units in order to upgrade his Great Hall. HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn seized upon this mistake and launched an all out attack on HARALDHARDASS’s base, twice killing the now level 4 blademaster along with 8 grunts, almost the entirety of HARALDHARDASS’s army. William sent HARALDHARDASS no aid, and, with HARALDHARDASS’s resistance broken, the Saxons proceeded to raze his base to the ground, eliminating him from the game and bringing the Viking era to a close. But it was not a victory without cost – the Saxons too suffered heavy losses.

[edit] Fateful Timing

It was precisely at this moment that William_Da_B@ST@RD attacked. Casting invisibility on a knight and sneaking it into HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn’s base, William_Da_B@ST@RD’s level 7 arch mage proceeded to teleport the entire Norman army there. Having already used his scroll of town portal in an attempt to bail out XxEdwin_n_MorcarxX, HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn was forced to march his army across the entire map and was unable to use his troll witch doctors to heal his units up to full health. As a result, HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn was not only outnumbered, but his remaining units were also already damaged by the time he arrived to fight William_Da_B@ST@RD. In addition, William_Da_B@ST@RD employed gryphon riders, a hard counter to HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn’s largely Tauren army. Nonetheless, the fighting was close, going back and forth several times before HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn’s level 9 tauren chieftain, Marn Thunderhorn, was pierced through the eye with an arrow and the tide turned decisively against the Saxons.

[edit] The Aftermath

Afterwards, William_da_B@st@rd posted on the official battle.net forums that he had pwned HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn quite hard, and that he was now changing his user handle to William_Da_Conquerer. HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn replied that William_Da_B@st@rd that he needed to STFU because he pwned HARALDHARDASS and almost beat William_Da_Conquerer, too, with no partner at all, which William_Da_Conquerer dismissed by saying simply “please HARALDHARDASS was a noob anyway.” HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn was subsequently banned from the forum, and for generations William_Da_Conquerer’s descendents would seize on this fact as proof that HaRoLd_gOdwiNsOn was not, in fact, a legally constituted monarch.