Battle of Little Bighorn

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Some dumb fool created two articles about the same goddamn thing. Therefore, this article or section should be merged with Battle of the Little Bighorn.If you are the author, consider merging the contents so we don't have to do it later. If you fail to do that, we will kill you. For a discussion about this see this article's talk page.

This is more like a long story, so bare with me. If you don't think it's funny, then I will hunt you down and force you to do pushups until I get tired!

the Battle of Little Bighorn
Date July 1-2, 1985 Location Little Bighorn River, duh Result Nazi and Communist army owned by a bomber and invasion of North America stopped
Combatants
Americans Minnesota Vikings Galactic Empire	Communist Army Nazi Army
Commanders
Robert E. Lee General Custer George Washington Some Viking guy Darth Vader	Image:Kjgjhkfgjkhjahshsa.jpgKyle, Lord of Communists Adolf Hitler
Strength
Too little	Too much
Casualties
Waytoo much	Way Way too much (for them) 1 ice cream truck

1983, good year, good year indeed. It's the year that Davy Crockett, George Washington, and Elmo all took up arms and defended the Alamo about a mile away from New York City, Montana, from an army of about 300,000,000 Communists and Mexicans, not being racist or anything.

Contents 1 Prologe 2 Washington Escapes 3 The Stage is Set 4 The Scene Around The Campfire 5 Later... 6 At Last, The the the the the the the Long-- Hiccup! Long Awaited Battle 6.1 That One Hill 6.2 The Climax 7 AfterMath 8 See Also

[edit] Prologe

The reason that the Communist declared war on us was because somebody stole Kyle, Lord of Communists' cheese. The man who done it was executed in the most grueling way possible, they made him laugh so hard, that he died from not being able to breathe for too long!

With the guilty man dead, the president of the United States hoped that the Communists would just forget about this and he would send Kyle, Lord of Communists an even bigger block of cheese. Kyle got the block of cheese, ate it, but still declared war on us. He broke through our defenses in Pearl Harbor after a major battle in which the Imperial Star Destroyer the U.S.S. Arizona, and launched an attack on the California coast. After a battle fought just outside the city of Zama, they went on to attack New York City, Montana, and then take Rio de Janerio, Canada. If we still didn't surrender, he was going to steal all of the cheese in the world, and then destroy every major American city in America and Canada.

[edit] Washington Escapes

The Communists also got help from about 100,000,000 Mexicans. They attacked the Alamo, and after a 792 day long battle, all of the defenders of the Alamo, except for Haldir of Lothlorien, Elmo, and Darth Vader, were either killed, or wounded and about to be killed. General Washington was wounded during the battle, and was in a jail cell in the Alamo, and awaiting his execution a few days later.

But, being so clever, General Washington escaped in the most bold and clever way possible. This is what he did. "Hey you, guard, come here" Washington whispered, so the jail guard went over to him. "Hey, if you let me go, I'll give you the last cherry filled doughnut!" "Really?!" the guard asked. "Would I lie to you?" Washington responded, so the guard gave him the keys, and Washington gave him a cherry filled doughnut, and Washington opened the cell, and walked off.

He then went, and got on a bicycle, and rode off. As he was going, a Mexican who survived the battle named Juan de Juan yelled "You stole my bike!" So Washington just ringed the bell, and rode off. The next day, that one Juan guy went up to Kyle, Lord of Communists. "Sir, General Washington has escaped and stole my bike!" that one Mexican guy said. Then, Kyle had a choke and died. "Um... Um... Uh, somebodies got to call 911! Um... Uh, Kyle, go call 911!" the Mexican guy said. "Okay" Kyle said, so he got up and went over to the telepone. "Wait a minute" Kyle said. Then there was a small moment of silence. "What's the number for 911?" Kyle asked. "Um, I think it's 867-5309" the Mexican guy that I can't remember the name of said. "Oh, okay" Kyle said.

Meanwhile, Washington went on riding his bicycle to Rio de Janerio, Canada, but when he was in Albequerque, Wisconsin, he took a right turn instead of a left turn, and ended up in Paduca, Germany. When he was there, he picked up a women's groceries which she had dropped. He put them back in her bag, and the women said "donkeshen!" "Welkollem" Washington said, and went on for about five paces, then stopped and said "woops! I took a wrong turn in Albequerque!" and went all the way 50,000+ miles back to Albequerque, just to take a left turn!

[edit] The Stage is Set

When he was there he saw the Communist army which now had 500,000,000 Communist troops after they got reinforcements, on the herizon. They only had one Mexican left, because the rest rebelled and stole each others bikes, so they were sent back to Mexico. "Hey, an army of 500,000,000 Communists and 1 Mexican is coming to destroy us again! LOL!" Washington said to himself, and rode off at the same speed as before. "You stole my bike!" the only Mexican left shouted as he saw Washington riding off in the distance. Washington just ronged the bell, and went off at the same speed as before.

A week later, Washington arrived in the lightly defended city of Rio de Janerio, Canada. He immediately went to see General Robert E. Lee who was in command of the garrison of about 600 men defending the city. Lee was in the front pew of a Baptist church in the city. An army of over 500,000,000 Communists are coming to attack the city. "Oh wow!" Lee said. "They shoud be here in two to three days" Washington told Lee. "How in the heck are we suppost to defeat an army of 500,000,000 Communists when we onl have 600 men? The politicians in That One City, Georgia don't care about us! They prove this by not even giving us defenses! They don't even give us one tank! They aren't going to care if this great country of ours gets sacked and destroyed by Communists! They probably care more about if there socks don't match then if this city, the great capital of New York, Argentina, is taken."

Meanwhile, back in That One City, Georgia, a very important guy came up to the president in the White House which had recently been painted blue, so it was renamed the Blue House. "Sir, an army of 500,000,000 Communists and 1 Mexican is advancing on Rio de Janerio, Canada. If we lose that city, we might as well surrender!" the very important guy said. A few moments later, the president responded, and this is what he said. "Ah shoot, my socks don't match!" "Maybe the Canadians will help us! After all, this is Canada!" Washington said. They both just started laughing hysterically and said "Canadians, fight? That's the best one I've heard all day!" "That was a good one" Washington said.

"Well, now I wouldn't say that!" General Custer said as he walked to the front pew of the Baptist Church in Rio de Janerio, Canada, in the continent of North America, on the planet of Earth, in the Milky Way Galaxy, in the Universe in the ah, you get the point now, don't you? "I have only 200 men, but I was ordered by some important guy in Australia to aid you" Custer said. "Australia!?" Lee and Washington said in unison. "You were sent by some important Aussie?" they said again in unison.

"O well, we still don't have any sort of chance against the enemy!" Washington and Lee said in unson again. "You don't know the power of the Dark Side!" Darth Vader said as he opened the doors and walked up to the front pew. "I have 100,000,000 stormtroopers at your command general" Lord Vader said to Lee. Lee looked up to the ceiling and then back at Vader again, and up to the ceiling for a second time and back at Vader. "Now we can have a chance against those darn Communists!" Washington said.

Then, the door slamed open again, and a man in a Viking suit with a viking sword in his right hand and a viking shield in his other came walking up to the front pew. "The Minnesota Vikings are under your command!" the Viking said, and Washington started laughing, and Custer started to chuckle. "Oh great!" Lee said. "I'm waiting to do battle with an enemy army that outnumbers me 5 to 1, AND A MAN IN A VIKING COSTUME COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS THAT AN UNTRAINED FOOTBALL TEAM IS UNDER MY COMMAND!" Lee said angrily. "Besides, I'm more of a Packers fan anyway!" "Not those Minnesota Vikings, we are a highly trained and highly skilled army of Vikings that live in Minnesota!" the Viking Commander explained. "Oooooh!" Lee, Washington, Custer, and Vader said in unson.

"We have a massive 100,000+ soldiers that excel at close quarters and point blanc range fighting" the Viking commander said. Immediately after he said that, a man in a Roman suit came up to te front pew. "My name is Bigius Dickius!" the Roman guy said, an everybody else, including Vader, laughed, and laughed, and laughed. "I have 20 annoying troops that you can liberate me from!" Bigius Dickius said, so Lee shot him.

"Alright gentlemen" Lee said, and he pulled out a map and placed it on the pew. "We shall attack the enemy at a location about 20 miles south of here at this location right here. The main part of the army will attack head on, while Custer will take this hill right here. You must hold this place at all costs. From this location, when the time is right, we will send a number of stormtroopers to go up this hill and attack the enemy from the side. If the enemy is stupid, this strategy will work, if not, we'll have to improvise" Lee said to his commanders. "We will move out tomorrow before dawn at 0400, understood?" Everybody nodded there head, and even Bigius Dickius nodded his head, so Lee shot him again.

"I left my spectacles over there, can you tell me what the name of this river here is, General Custer" Lee asked. "It's called... the Little Bighorn" Custer answered. "Very well, the Battle of Little Bighorn will most likely go down as one of the great battles in history" Lee said. Lee then saluted his four cmmanders, and they saluted him back. "May God go with you!" Lee said, and they all went off, except for Lee, as he stayed there.

[edit] The Scene Around The Campfire

At 3 a.m. all of the troops woke up and ate breakfast. An hour later, the massive army went off. Later that night, three stormtroopers, an American, and a viking all were sitting around a campfire, playing cards. Another American was playing a song on his guitar. "So, who's your favorite football team?" a stormtrooper said. "Isn't it obvious? The Minnesota Vikings!" the Viking said. "Oh no you don't!" the American said as a stormtrooper was taking all of the chips in the pot. "Royal flush!" the American said as he showed his cards to everyone else. "Dang! That just don't happen very much!" the stormtrooper said, and handed the pot over to the American.

"Ah, I like the Dallas Cowboys" the American said. "Where are you from?" the Viking asked. "Mississippi" the American answered. "Pittsburgh!" a stormtrooper said. "I like the Jets" another stormtrooper said. "I think the 49ers are the best" the other stormtrooper said.

"Hey, you wouldn't mind cutting the deck, woud you?" the stormtrooper said. "Certainly" the American said, and he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a pocket knife, and as he was striking, the stormtrooper stopped him, just about three millimeters from the top card. "Not that way!" he said, so the American chuckled, and put his pocket knife away.

"Hey Packer... Viking, what's your favorite baseball team?" the American asked. "The Minnesota Twins" the viking answered. "What about basketball?" the American asked. "The Minnesota Timberwolves" the viking answered. "Hockey?" "That one team called the Minnesota Wild" "Soccer?" "Minn-- They have a soccer league?" the viking asked. "I don't know, do they?" the American asked. "Well, I don't know, I'm the one that asked you!" the viking responded. "Do they have a soccer league?" the American asked a stormtrooper. "I don't know!" the stormtrooper answered.

"Do they have a soccer league in America TK-421 and THX-1138?" the stormtrooper asked. "I don't know! I'm not from around here!" the two stormtroopers said in unison. "Then where are you from?" the American asked. "We are from Tatooine!" the three stormtroopers all said proudly in unison. "Isn't Courascaunt from the Star Wars Galaxy?" the American asked. "Yes" the three stormtroopers all said at the same time. "And isn't Courascaunt a planet made up by George Lucas?" the American asked. "Um... Uh.. Um..." the stormtroopers said while thinking.

"I don't even know who George Lucas is!" one of the stormtroopers answered. "Ya" the two other stormtroopers said, but not in unison. Meanwhile, the viking was just sitting back and relaxing while eating popcorn and watching the rest of them. "If your just made up by some guy, then how in the world did you get all the way over here from a different galaxy? And how would you be here even if you were native born Americans, if your just made up which you are?" the American asked. "Um... uh... um" the stormtroopers said while thinking. "Magic!" a stormtrooper shouted. "Ya" the two other stormtrooper said, but not in unison.

"So, viking" the American suddenly said. "Huh? What?" the viking said as he was scrambling to not be sitting back and relaxing and laughing at them. "Is that popcorn in your hand?" the American asked. "Um, no just just just, uh..." the viking said. "Taffy?" "Nevermind. Anywho, what's the name of your leader?" the American asked. "His name is GiugzfgyafadsggdfsagiovfagfadgdigadfchgajwfaiufadsuiyufasvdfaityurfayiugdavasdvodsadsayugajvonSchmidt the Fierce" the viking said, and the american just had a really confused, and the three stormtroopers just stared at him. "Say again?" the American asked. "Gladly! It's Giugzfg---" the viking said. "Nevermind" the American interupted.

"So, American from Mississippi" a stormtrooper said. "You know any good blonde jokes?" "Oh do I?" the American responded/asked at the same time, so I guess you could call it a reasked or asponded so to speak. "Alright, there's an evil talking pickle with an eyepatch and a Hitler mustache, a person from Atlantis, a smart blonde and a burnett, and they each sit in one corner of a square room with a $20 bill right smack dab in the middle of the room. God just magically turns the lights off, and back on, and the $20 bill is gone. Who has it?"

"Um...uh...um" the stormtroopers and viking said while thinking. "Oh, the burnett" the viking said. "Ya" the stormtroopers said individually. "How do you know this?" the American asked. "Um...uh...um" the stormtroopers and viking said again while thinking. "Because the evil talking pickle with an eyepatch and a Hitler like mustache, the person from Atlantis and smart blonde... Don't exist!" the American explained, and they all laughed.

"Hey!" an American said as he walked over to the group. "Heyyyyy!" the American said, and the American that just came over tossed everybody a bottle of alcohol. "Alright, I've got a brain teaser for y'all" the American from Mississippi said after he took a drink from his ale. "Alright, there's a rooster that's born in Canada, then migrates down to America and lays a golden egg. Now..." and then he takes another drink. "the Can-- Hiccup!... Sorry, the Canadians claim that the golden egg should be theres because this rooster was born in Canada, but America says they should have it because the egg was laid in America. Who has control of the golden egg?" "Canada!" the other soldier shouted immediately after he finished telling the brain confuser thing. "Now you just say that because your from Canada! Seriously, who should control the golden egg?" "Um...uh...um..." they all said while thinking. "Nobody, because roosters don't lay eggs!" the American said after a little while.

[edit] Later...

"Now-- Hiccup! there's two blondes... that-- Hiccup! go fishin' at the fishin'-- Hiccup! that go fishin' at the fishin' hole way down south in-- Hiccup! that go fishin' in the fishin' hole way down-- Hiccup! way down south in Louisianer. And, and and and and and and and a-- Hiccup! park ranger comes up to-- Hiccup! comes up to them and and and and and and and says 'what in the world is you-- Hiccup! is you fine gals fishin' in this fishin' hole way down south-- Hiccup! way down south in Louisianer?' And and and and and and and and these blondes-- Hiccup! these blondes says 'magnets mr. park ranger sir from this lovely fishi' hole way down south in Louisianer' And and and and and and and and the-- Hiccup! the the the the the the the park ranger says 'magnets?' And and and and and and and and and -- Hiccup! and and and and and and one of the blondes reels-- Hiccup! one of the blondes reels in and surely enough there's a magnet on-- Hiccup!and there's a mognet on the end of the-- Hiccup! pole" the American said.

Then, General Lee came over and watched them, but they didn't notice him. "Sssssssssso the the the the the the the blonde castededededed out, and and and and and a few seconds-- Hiccup! a few seconds later, there's a a a a a fish on on on the-- Hiccup! a fish on the the the the the the the pole. Sssssssssso she reels in and ssssssshows the the the the park ranger that there's a fish on the the the the the the the pole. 'All right, I-- Hiccup! I guess there's no law against using a a a a a magnet to catch a a a a a fish, ssssssssso carry on' and and and and and and and and and the the the the the park ranger walkded away. Then then then one blonde whispers to the other-- Hiccup! one blonde whispers to the other-- Hiccup! one blonde whsipers to the other 'good thing we didn't tell him we were fishin' for-- Hiccup! for ssssssssssssssteeelhhhhhead!" and everybody laughed.

Then, General Lee came over to them and said. "What in the world are you guys doing?" "It's General Lee!" the Canadian said and-- Hiccup! 'scuse me! and the six people there stood up, stared at him, and saluted him. "You boys need to get to bed!" General Lee said. "Yes sir!" the American said, and then passed out and landed on the fire. "Well, that's not exactly not what I was expecting, but oh well" General Lee said, and walked away. "What a tough guy!" a stormtrooper said. "He's not even complaining about the pain!"

[edit] At Last, The the the the the the the Long-- Hiccup! Long Awaited Battle

The two armies were converging on each other. On the morning of July the 1st, the day the battle was to begin, Adolf Hitler came up to Kyle, Lord of Communists. "Ich bin die Führer von Nazi Deutschland, und Ich habe 20,000,000 Deutsch Soldat bereiten Sie vor, um um ich und der gestampften Kartoffeln willen zu kämpfen und zu sterben" Hilter besagt zu Kyle, I mean said to Kyle.

"What?!?" Kyle said. "Ich bin die Führer von Nazi Deutschland, und Ich bin 20,000,000 Deutsch Soldat bereiten Sie vor, um um ich und der gestampften Kartoffeln willen zu kämpfen und zu sterben" Hitler repeated. "Nein sprechen auf Deutsch" Kyle said. "Oh, well, we could have a problem here!" Hitler said. "Why?" Kyle asked. "Because I can't speak a single word in English!" Hitler answered.

[edit] That One Hill

Meanwhile, the "Allied" army was just a few minutes away from the battlefield. The Battle of Little Bighorn was finally about to begin. Just moments later, Custer and his men rode to the top of the hill they were told to defend (on their tricycles), and Robert E. Lee ordered his artillery and Imperial bombers to bomb and shell the Nazi-Communist Army.

Nearly 100,000 Nazi-Communist soldiers were killed by the artillery and bombers within the first 20 minutes! Hitler ordered his best commander, General Kelly Cobb, to attack General Custer on the top of that hill. General Custer's men had circled their wagons and were just waiting for the attack to come. Soon enough, Nazi Panzer tanks were appearing before Custer's men.

"Fire at will men" Custer shouted, and so they did. The Panzies, I mean Panzers fired back. About an hour later, the General Cobb had lost about 90% of his tanks and about 62.5694% of his troops. He called for air support, and General Custer's men were bombed. He then ordered his men to fix bayonets and charge. By the end of the battle, everybody in General Kelly Cobb's corps was either killed or critically wounded, but every single one of Custer's 200 men including Custer himself died. And there was much rejoicing among the Nazi-Communist lines.

[edit] The Climax

Meanwhile, General Lee ordered a full scale attack on the main Nazi-Communist line. After a couple of hours of brutal fighting, the Allies fell back, and there was much rejoicing among the Nazi-Communist lines. General Lee rallied his troops and ordered a second attack on the "Communazi" lines.

The attack led to another long and bloody fight and at the end of the battle, the Allies were falling back again. Just then, the darkness of night ended the fighting...for the night. The Nazi-Communist army had held throughout the day, and there was much rejoicing among the Nazi-Communist lines.

Early in the morning, at about 10 a.m. General Lee ordered his troops to fix bayonets, charge at the enemy, and don't stop...unless you die, then you can stop anytime you want. They charged and the Nazi-Communists tried to kill them all before they got to them. We now officially are reaching the climax. The Allies were only a couple hundred feet away from the Communazi lines when all of the sudden...We interrupt this article with an important news bulletin.

"Protestors in the third world country of Ghettoistan gathered in the citadel of the capital to protest the low wages that the workers get. The dictator of the empire country came out onto the balcony and said quote..."

“...Don't make me reenact the horror of the Great Bedroom Massacre”

~ Dictator Peter Tushilagbodobski of Ghettoistan

"To the surprise of the dictator, the furious crowd responded shouting quote...

“That's what she said!”

~ Protestors in Ghettoistan

"Thank you. More on this incident and more on the six o clock news. Until then, I'm Stu Pid signing off." doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...doo-doo. We now return to the "Battle of Little Bighorn."

The Allies were only a couple hundred feet away from the Communazi lines when all of the sudden, an ice cream truck came zooming right in front of the Communazi lines. All of the Communazi troops dropped their weapons and chased the ice cream truck. The ice cream truck led the Nazi-Communist troops to 100 miles outside of the battlefield, where an atomic bomb was dropped on the Communazis, and there was much rejoicing among the Allied lines.

[edit] AfterMath

The Allied victory at the Battle of Little Bighorn marked the end of the Nazi-Communist invasion of North America. The battle had a very, very high price to both sides. The Nazi-Communists lost everybody in their entire army except for Hitler, Kyle, Lord of Communists and Frankenstein.

However, going into the battle, Frankenstein was a model, one of the "sexiest" if you will in all of Europe. But the atomic bomb scared him up so much that people remember his looks after the battle rather than before, as a monster.

Although the price was high for the Communazis, the price was probably even higher for the Allies, for they had the very last ice cream truck in all of Britain destroyed by the bomb.

This led to a gargantuan international crisis that almost started World War III. However, the Americans gave Britain one of their ice cream trucks, and the crisis was solved. The international crisis that followed the Battle of Little Bighorn has forever gone down in history as "The Crisis that Almost Started a World War" or, for short, World War II 1/2.

THE END

[edit] See Also

• Battle of the Alamo
• Communism
• America
• User:Jesusfreak
• World War 3
• World War 2.5
• War
• Canada
• Canadia