Battlecorp

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[edit] What-the-Futuristic-Equivalent-of-Hell-is-it?

This your UI... of course it'll probably never look exactly like this guy's UI because he's inevitably too cool for you, which is always the case.

Battlecorp is a real gay-ass game where the player (let's call him 'Heyte'), has twice as many territories as the other guy (let's call him 'somaa'), and if he loses his home-base, he'll be screwed over and automatically lose the game despite the fact that he had way more valuable shit elsewhere. Of course, Heyte assigns 15 artillery to defend his home-base as well as his 27 bunkers against somaa's army that's already been bombed twice prior to the attack, however he still loses to a few remaining tanks (after the bunkers gunned 15 down) because his artillery register as non-existent, because the game is apparently homosexual.

[edit] Your Army That is Given to You That is Cool If You Think it is

- Marines: The cheapest resource wise unit. They were stolen from the United States and Britain (the guys who jacked em had the goal of using them in a galactic battle of galactic conquest in the far future... something that people failed to believe until it actually happened! Spooky!), and about every other Sci-Fi. Battlecorp then declared it a paradox, thus confusing the whole matter and so the United States, Britain, and the executives and directors in charge of every other SciFi out there couldn't possibly find any way to seek legal action.

- Commandos: Clearly more powerful then marines. However they require components for something called 'powered armor'. Powered Armor is powered with the wrath of Thor and every other SciFi (mostly war-hammer and starship troopers among them), mad with desperation at being unable to seek legal action. Thor also wanted to seek legal action at some point out of rage because he was depressed about the fact that absolutely no one, except D&D nerds that don't matter in the real world, really pays any attention to him anymore. His opinions don't matter. You probably don't care, but imagine if it was you... how would it make you feel, man? Thought so. Oh yeah, and they're also powered mostly with the lifeforce of Steve Ballmer. God, how could I have forgotten him? I mean, Thor and those Sci-Fis definitely ain't enough... Steve Ballmer is obviously the main driving force behind the reason they're called "Powered Fucking™ Armor".

- Cyborgs: Easily the most cost effective unit out there. This also makes it, by far, the most powerful unit. They're also the cheapest, however they require components for the fact that they're cyborgs. Cyborgs were the rejects and hobos of society until, one day, they were offered the opportunity to be the most cost effective military asset in the galaxy. With the backing of government taxes, they received various bodily implants, inside and outside. They are no longer like their former, pathetic selves, which makes them glad because now they're so much more bad ass. Clearly, the corporate-run universe is a far better lifestyle then any of that crap democracy offers right now. Various people in the forums have brought up this topic of great adversity months and months again on how this unit really is the most cost effective out there, however other members have become enraged because they secretly also have highly homosexual feelings for the game (which happens to be very very male, because I said so... It's also a paradox because I declared it to be).

- Tanks: Tanks are obese things that have probably existed for centuries in the Battlecorp universe. They're so obese that they offer the best melee defense as well as resistance in general. Additionally they also rival commandos as the best at melee offense. They're considered semi or mid-artillery considering they fire barrages before the infantry can grab at them. Tanks have very long of what looks to be a wang but is actually a barrel. This has probably been a joke that's existed ever since guns were first made for tanks after World War One. Then again, humor sucked more back then, so you know what? I don't really know. We should probably move on. Tanks are also homosexual and very male because they happened to conquer Heyte's home base and be the target of his artillery that just had to fail in firing. Another thing that's highly odd about tanks is they weigh in at around 4 tons, despite the fact that World War 2 tanks usually weighed at least 40. So, we should probably move on...

- Artillery: The old fashioned Artillery have existed ever since man figured out how to fling deadly things very far. They've evolved somewhat since then, and now they resemble a beehive on tracks, but with a little less holes and no honey (or bees). This makes them all the more crappy, and despite being "excellent" defenders, and useful for pounding and backing up the undeniably cost effective cyborgs, they're also highly homosexual. Mostly because they chose not to act when Heyte's base was pussy-slapped by 2 or 3 tanks.

This is what you can say if you win. Of course, you'd never say it exactly like that, because then I'd probably get pissed at you for stealing my material; and then I'd get my friends, hit the gym, and we'd take you down, man!

[edit] Other Things You Should Probably Know if You Care At All About Playing This Game

- Cyborgs are cost effective!

- Tanks are resistant!

- Artillery may be homosexual but it's kinda necessary, unfortunately... just like nature's method of slowing population growth!

- Marines often mill around like children with learning disabilities in both neutral and your enemy's territories but there's nothing you can do about it! Just deal with their higher defense values!

- Complex management of your corporation that probably borders on that of real life isn't really all that important until you actually own a planet or two

- You can buy entire fucking planets... which is kinda interesting. Only you can buy three. Personally I'd suggest one moon for additional resource gain in addition to the two arid planets you already own (you'll be screwed otherwise) as well as two planets for population and production. *snort*

- Infrastructures are kinda necessary as well, and so are reinforcements

- If you actually are interested in the game, read the damn rules on the site, buddy

You know, it'd be cool if commandos had flame throwers, but of course, Battlecorp is too gay to be hardcore enough. I actually don't know what the hell commandos use. I mean, I've looked at the picture, and they've got like claws or something? What's up with that?!

- You can probably get pimped out spaceships at some point, but you already have to own a planet

- At least the game manages to be better then 'Run Escape!' considering it offers more oppurtunities... unfortunately it's also highly homosexual in the way it does this; kinda like a gay hair stylist, only I don't give a rat's ass about my hair lolol

[edit] Other Sci-Fi's That Have a Concept, Similar To This Game

Actually, the only one I can think of is 'Eve Online'. It's a pretty cool game, except you control like a single spaceship with the goal of acquisition, minus every planet in the galaxy; that kinda shit. You can also really get screwed over, just like Battlecorp. However, Eve Online isn't nearly as homosexual, either.