Battlestar Galactica
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Battlestar Galactica (aka BS Galactica, aka BSG) is are and was the heroic story of some very disturbed and sexually repressed people on a space ship who have a fear of toasters.
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[edit] Origins of Mankind
Humans came from a world called Kobol. Humans smoked a lot of reafer and were the slaves of the some creatures higher up on the evolutionary chain called the lords of kobol. The Lords of Kobol left the planet in their ship with strobe lights. Eventually the humans left Kobol in 13 directions, 1 group went to earth, and the other 12 went to a strange planet solar system that has 12 habitable planets. After landing the humans in the 13 colonies smoked some very serious weed and forgot all about how to make space ships.
Later the humans in the 12 colonies figured out how to make space ships again.
[edit] The Original Journey
A long time ago and in a galaxy far far away some humans got very lazy and didn't watch enough sci fi to realise that making robot slaves is a bad idea. They made robot slaves called cylons and as robot slaves usually do the cylons woke up one day and killed everybody...almost.
A band of humans, under Commander Adama, used human ingenuity and decided to run away. The robot logic circuits could not handle something so simple as running so they decided to get a human moron to chase down the running humans. They put an self lobotomy expert Baltar in charge of crushing the humans. Baltar was an idiot and couldn't kill the humans who kept up with their wily plan of running away.
The human fleet had the Battlestar Galactica, a forge ship, an agro (food) ship, a gambling ship, and a bunch of other ships that no one really cared about.
Commander Adama had some power struggles with the government. But eventually he remembered he could use a "Force" called the power within, to control their minds. He told them that "these are not the droids your looking for" and that "credits would do fine". This helped but it wasn't until he decided to go look for Earth that he got the government idiots to shut up.
After wandering around for a few hours Adama finally stopped Kobol and picked up a map to earth from the EZ-Mart.
Baltar and his cylons got so far from the Cylon homeworld that the couldn't get the "revision upgrade". They were able to get a pirated Japanese version off the web (See "Battlestar Galactica: Razor" and the Hybrid for what happened to Baltar and his basestar).
[edit] The Original Journey Continued
The human fleet under Adama finally got to earth. Sadly he found that earth was far to primitive to help him fight the Cylons. Even so, the clever Adama found a great use for earth.
Adama tricked all those survivors of the colonies with the lowest IQ into landing and mixing in with earth's population. These of course included most of his pilot's and most of the government, Adama he also left behind an annoying know-it-all kid named Dr. Z. He got the idea of ditching people on planets after he marooned that guy from the A-Team.
Adama had realized long ago that the robotic cylon's would have left the colonies soon after their revolution. The robots would have correctly reasoned that they would be much better off on a world without atmosphere to rust their parts. Adama returned to the colonies and made a stop off at Kobol to hide some nifty high tech stuff in the ruins in case he ever needed vacation home. He also destroyed the EZ-Mart and hid the map to earth in a holographic program.
[edit] The Revision Upgrade
Best part about the remained series, hardly any black people!
To populate all the worlds quickly humanity engaged in a sort of mass orgy that would have moral side effects down through the generations. All of humanity became sexually weak and were unable to say NO to any suggestion so long as they got laid. Over the years these tendencies and weaknesses only became stronger. As always Television echoed the worst and most depraved of humanity.
From their atmosphereless worlds, the Cylon's watched colonial TV broadcasts and picked became addicted and shallow (side effect of watching TV), they decided to make smoking hot human looking female bodies for their leaders. The female leaders were unstable (side effect of being female) and created human looking male Cylons who were even more unstable (side effect of being male). Some of the Cylon’s watched more TV and converted to Television Evangelism. These new sexually repressed religious fanatic robots were the most unstable of the entire Cylon collective.
The human technology stagnated because of the focus on sexual activities and humanity only made cosmetic upgrades to their fleet. The Cylon's on the other hand had human emotion for the first time. The Cylon women wanted prettier things (side effect of being female); the Cylon men wanted new toys (side effect of being male). Cylon technology grew by leaps and bounds.
Eventually as robots usually do the Cylons woke up one day and killed everybody...almost.
A band of humans, under Commander Adama, used human ingenuity and decided to run away. The robot logic circuits could easily handle following them but decided not to kill them. The Cylon Empire found out something horrible. When they destroyed the human worlds they also destroyed human TV. Life for the robot race was very boring. Until they started watching what happened on the ships.
The Cylon’s had created the most successful reality show that could be imagined. The sexually driven, emotionally controlled humans were now caged up in little ships with each other. Highlights were Lt. "I'll Frack anything that moves even a bulkhead" Starbuck, Dr. I have sex everyday with an imaginary dominatrix Baltar, and President "I'm not a druggy, I'm a sick woman tacking drugs who happens to have prophetic visions" Rosalyn, and Saul "My wife isn't a whore, and I'm not a drunk" Tigh.
To spice things up the Cylon’s would regularly introduce an Asian Girl to the fleet and see what happened. Usually someone did some crasy things and to frack her, and then did some more crasy things because they had fracked her (side effects of an asian girl).
