Bayman
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“He came. He saw. He Bayman-ed.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bayman
“Thats one Badass Motherfucker.”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Bayman
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[edit] Information
Bayman is 100% Pure Russian Badass. As a Pure Russian Badass, he is Russian, therefore he does not speak english (or any other language), yet strangely he can speak fluent Japanese, and he is quite proficient in 1337. His most prized possessions are his Beret and his ability to break backs with relative ease.
[edit] Hobbies
What Bayman enjoys the most is Breaking people's backs. He simply lifts someone up, the slams their back over his knee, breaking it instantly. According to a poor reciever of the back breaker, it "felt like being thrown into a pit of death, then...." They died shortly after that remark.
- It should be noted that the art of breaking backs is called Bayman (as Bayman can be used as a verb). The correct usage would be: OW! Bayman has just Bayman-ed me! Or: I am going to Bayman you!
Another Hobbie of Bayman is Scuba Diving. As his name, Bayman, implies, he is a BAY-MAN, as in a Man of the Bay. He has Scuba Dived in every body of water known to man, and many know to other things.
[edit] People who have been Bayman-ed
- Oscar Wilde (With no effect. Bayman turned emo by this.)
- Jane Fonda
- Osama Bin Ladin
- George W. Bush
- Chuck Norris (Well... At least he tried. His beard prevented it from happening)
- That guy
- Everyone else
[edit] Weaknesses
- Water - note that he is not actually weak against water, he has just not yet found a way to Bayman water.
- Bruce Lee - He's to quick to Bayman.
- Beards - They mess with his equilibrium, throw him off balance, and prevent him from completing the Bayman. Thus Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, and other prominent "beard wearers" are immune to Bayman. (Unless they happen to be terrorists and/or communists, then he's completely un-affected by them, probably because he is Russian.)
[edit] Trivia
- The film "Brokeback Mountain" was originally titled "Mountain", that is, until Bayman saw that mountain and Bayman-ed it.
- When a woman's water breaks when she is about to have a child, her water doesn't actually break, as Bayman has proven that water can't actually break. It is actaully Bayman invisibly breaking her back, thus allowing the baby to come out easier.
- Being Russian, Bayman is immune to Grues and the Russian Reversal.
- an example: In America, Bayman will always Bayman you. In Solviet Russia, Bayman Baymans YOU!! as you can see, sines Bayman is the noun AND the verb, Bayman will always inevitably Bayman you.
- If, on the off chance, Bayman doesn't break your back, he will opt to break any other bone in your body, as he is a master of the human anatomy, and know exactly where it will hurt the most
- Samuel L. Jackson once called him a 'Badass Motherfucker'. But Bayman doesn't understand English, so he Bayman-ed him.
