Beaker Lewis John Adams
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Beaker Lewis John Adams, or Beaker, is a profesional cricketer also known for his interest in the sciences. He is well known in both areas - in cricket for being the only man in the world to take a wicket while actually asleep and in science for being the most under qualified man to use a bunsen burner.
[edit] Career
The first known written documentations of Beaker derive from an old family manuscript belonging to the Adams. According to the legend, Beaker was chief door opener. The Adams klan were well known for their desire of privacy, and it is believed that he was particularly successful at this job due to his unnerving stare and anti social grunts.
However, after years of lying around all day waiting for the doorbell that never rang, Beaker decided that there had to be more to life. It was here that he decided to go back to his first love - cricket. Despite the fact that he was only awake for 3 hours of the day, he found that he could still bowl at great pace - sometimes hitting speeds of up to 37.8mph. It wasn't long before his stellar performances in the Mid Essex League began to attract attention from the IPL, and he soon signed for the Rajastan Comatoses for an unprecedented 2,000,000 pesetas. His life-threatening beamers and late order hitting proved to be a big hit with the Indian fans, but in his native England his performances went largely unnoticed. This was particularly highlighted when coach Peter Moores confused him with English county trundler Jonathan Lewis. This led to a war of words between Moores and Adams, with Adams having the final say after Moores' eventual sacking when he labelled him a "no-nothing prick". Moores succesor, Sir Anthony Hardboiledegg, soon rectified this travesty by calling Beaker up to the full England squad. Beaker was way past his best in the longer form of the game, and managed just one score of more than 5 in his 16 innings. His bowling also fluctuated greatly - in one game against Australia at Sophia Gardens, he ran through them in the first innings with figures of 3-2-1-8, before returning figures of 2-0-132-1 in the second. However, after a successful ODI career culminating in England making the second round of the World Cup, he was given a heroes welcome home. He promptly announced his retirement, stating that he had "other projects on the go."
[edit] The Sciences
Having secured an unpaid contract for local team Bentley CC, Beaker turned to his second love - The Sciences. Having printed a degree certificate on his home computer, he quickly found work. Working under world renouned Dr. Honeydew Bunsen, he began to develop his skills. In his first year, he was awarded the good citizen medal from Prime Minister Boris Johnson for helping to flatten out Ongar in Essex. His greatest achievement, however, was winning the Nobel Prize three years later, when he managed to make a nuclear device from a small piece of chalk, the lenses from a pair of goggles and a burnt peanut. Unfortuantely, by this time Dr. Bunsen had grown jealous of his abilities and labeled his achievements "a fluke and a joke". Galled by this, Beaker announced his retirement.
[edit] Death?
Recent reports have suggested that Beaker may have passed away. However, according to doctors he could not be healthier, and is merely 1,273 hours into a mid afternoon nap.
