Bearbaiting

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Put simply, bearbaiting is the process of tying a younger brother/sister to a tree in the middle of a forest, smearing him/her with honey and waiting for a bear to arrive. Having a gun with you is optional. If you do not have a younger brother/sister, your mother-in-law will do nicely.

[edit] Tools of Bearbaiting

1. Necessary Tools
   1. Rope
   2. Victim
   3. Tree
   4. Bear Attractant
2. Optional Tools
   1. Dart Gun/Club/Shock Prod - these are optional, you may want to rescue the victim if you want to recycle. Remember, rinse and reuse. Plus, the police can be annoying, and you may run out of victims.

[edit] Specific Instructions

1. Take victim/bait to the forest. If resistance is encountered, tell them it's a "camping trip"
2. Find suitable tree
3. When the bait's attention is elsewhere, bash him/her on the head to render them unconscious. If his/her attention is not elsewhere, distract them with the method of pointing and saying, "What's that over there?"
4. Tie now-unconscious bait to aforementioned tree.
5. Smear bait with a suitable bear-attracting substance. It may be honey, rotting deer flesh, or bear-pheremones. Take your pick.
6. Wait for the bear to approach.

At this point, if you want to save the bait for later bearbaiting use, now is the time to club/shock/dart the bear. Remember, bear-killing is not the point - it's bearbaiting after all. The safety of the bait afterward is optional.

[edit] Bearbaiting throughout history

Bearbaiting has been popular throughout history. Ever since the first caveman woke up, rubbed his eyes, and wondered "What can I do today?", bearbaiting has been a part of humanity.

The first known instance of bearbaiting was when Ug tied his young sister Oog to a tree for a sabertooth bear. Unfortunately, the tree fell down, crushing the bear when it approached.

Ancient Egyptians were famous for bearbaiting. The giant statues and obelisks left behin were not in fact articles of worship. They were bearbaiting relics for very tall people; that is why they made things very tall.

The French were notorious for bearbaiting in the completely wrong way. They instead took a bear, tied that to a tree, and waited for people to walk by. Of course, this didn't really work out and quickly got boring.

[edit] Sir Eyesack Newtin

Sir Eyesack Newtin was a famous bearbaiter. He currently holds the world's record with 4271 people tied to trees, including George W. Bush and the Pope. As a child, he started out by tying small squirrels to sticks stuck in the mud. Since he did not in fact live near bears, he moved. When he became a bit older, he realised that a plain stick in the mud and a squirrel didn't really break any horizons. So he tied his mother to a bush with the clothesline. This is the first actual use of synthetic rope as opposed to using vines.

In his later years, he went on to experimenting with fishing line, nylon, nautical rope, and typing large rocks to things. He later died when trying to make an auto-bearbaiter and set it off on himself. A few minutes later, he was eaten by a moose, because he was testing his new invention in Canada.

[edit] Entertainment Value

Much of bearbaiting's entertainment value lies in waiting and watching your victim shriek and thrash around as a salivating bear approaches. This can be further made more entertaining by leaving a knife/sharp rock/ loose knot just out of reach of the bait/victim.