Bearded dragons
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| ?Pogona | ||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 Eastern Bearded Dragon (Pogona barbata)
| ||||||||||||||||||
| Scientific classification | ||||||||||||||||||
|
“Oh, I know, we'll put a beard on a dragon and slap it into Monster Manual IV! Completely new monster!”
~ Gary Gygax on Bearded Dragons
Bearded Dragons are rare reptiles, whose astonishing biological charactaristic is their extremely long facial hair. This makes them unique among reptiles, not only due to the fact that they have hair, but also due to the fact that many of them have very stylish goatees. Bearded dragons can use this trait to keep warm even in the extreme -30 degree temperatures of the Canadian North.
Several species of Bearded Dragons exist.
[edit] Russian Bearded Dragon
The Russian Bearded Dragon (Pogona longbeardus) is also known as the Boyar Dragon, as they often grow their beards to great lengths, and leave them wild and tangled much as pre-Peter the Great Russian boyars did. They are found in Russia (DUH!).
[edit] Prismatic Bearded Dragon
The largest of the Bearded Dragons, the Prismatic Bearded Dragon (Pogona holyshititsgonnakillus), additionally possesses a breath weapon known as a beard ray. Effects of the terrible gas include: frothing at the mouth, intense fevers, and excessive growth of body and facial hair, the growth of which may cause death. Due to this amazing power, it was hunted near to extinction by fearful Dungeons and Dragons characters during the late 1980s. Its population is still recovering from this overhunting, and is currently considered an endangered species.
[edit] Defeating a Bearded Dragon
The most effective way to defeat any Bearded Dragon is to use the spell Bigby's Scissor-Wielding Hand to cut off it's beard. A beardless Bearded Dragon will be immediately be reduced to 0 hp. Alternatively, one could take levels in the Bearded Dragon Barber Prestige Class.
