Beecroft

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“Be gone or Beecroft”

~ Oscar Wilde on Beecroft

“I thought ugly girls were supposed to be smart”

~ Random guy on Beecroft

“In Russia, Croft be you!”

~ Russian reversal on Beecroft

“I thought Gotham was bad”

~ Batman on Beecroft

“My fellow Australians, Except those from Beecroft”

~ John Howard on Beecroft

“wow! I might actually be first class”

~ Starving kid from Africa on Beecroft

“Well ahh, um, oh fuck it!”

~ Extremely optimistic person on Beecroft

“Get out of my property!(in a hillbilly type accent)”

~ Beecroft Resident on Beecroft

“See, I told you God does not exist”

~ Atheist on Beecroft

“Lets adopt a kid from here”

~ Angelina Jolie and Brad pitt on Beecroft

“I certainly did'nt die to save them”

~ Jesus on Beecroft

“I dont care if it has no oil, JUST BLOW THE DUMP UP!”

~ George Bush on His plot to take over the third world (gazing hungrily on Beecroft)

“I thought Earthlings had two eyes”

~ Alien on Earth upon observing by chance Beecrofts citizens

“It's not like you live in Beecroft or something”

~ Your mum on You should be grateful

“Clark, I think another meteor shower occured”

~ Chloe sullivan to Clark kent on Writing an article about Beecroft

“I want the entire town of Beecroft locked up in one of my secret evil labs”

~ Lex Luther on Planning to make a super freak army

“Can't we fucking go around it?”

~ Cityrail on Beecroft

“No one will ever look for us here”

~ Michael Schofield on Planning his awesome escape

“Beecroft and I are on opposite sides of the coin”

~ Bill Gates on Beecroft

“It's like every village idiot in the entire world was rounded up and put into this one town!”

~ Some guy who is always right on Beecroft

“Wow! God sure does have a sense of humour”

~ Oscar wilde on Beecroft

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Beecroft.

Some of the local lads can be very friendly indeed.

Beecroft is a suburb of northern Sydney, in the state of New South Wales, Australia. Beecroft is located 22 kilometres north-west of the Sydney central business district in the local government area of Hornsby Shire. Beecroft is in the Upper North Shore region and also considered to be part of the Hills District.

1 History
2 Location
3 Transport
4 History of violence
5 Conspiracy regarding ET
6 Sport and recreation
7 Notable residents

[edit] History

Beecroft was, before its suburban development, a military reserve. However due to an accident involving large amounts of uranium in 1954, the area was evacuated. This allowed hobos to settle in the area. Combining their skills learned off the streets they were able to build up a respectable community. However, dangerous levels of radiation have led to over half of Beecrofts population being mutated in one way or another.

[edit] Location

Newly refurbished "Beecroft Arcade"

Like much of the surrounding suburbs landscape. Beecroft is littered with huge amounts of trash. It seems that to citizens outside the suburb, tossing their garbage onto the streets and parks is kind of a joke. However this is not the case for those who live within the suburb. Every day they have to put up with extremely bad smells, high toxin levels, and in some cases, radiation emitted by nucleur waste dumped by the army who have also joined in the fun of picking on the outer-Sydney citizens. All the trash within the suburb has also created a suitable environment for giant rats. Beecrofts citizens have had to learn to live side by side with these dog sized highly intelligent rodents. Because of the large amount of bushland within the suburb, Beecroft is also a popular place for mobsters to dump bodies.

[edit] Transport

Typical appearance of a Beecroft Resident (female)

Beecroft is served by mainly by a bus company known as Beecroft bus company. Beecroft Bus Company started in early 1952 when a migrant Brazilian Prostitute invested into two medium sized vans transporting school children around the Hornsby shire under the name of El Sesso Express. After ten years, the company was bought out by Woolworth’s who extended the number of vans to ten, and purchased two double-decker buses. In the year 1970, the company skyrocketed and became a huge success in the transport industry. However jealously among other regional corporations and heavy competition with Sydney Buses Co. caused the company to come into steady decline over the next fifteen years. By 1985, the company, now known as Beecroft Bus Company, lacked the funds to even service a tear in a seat. Because of the high number of bus drivers from the Middle East, the company had the ability to use its connections with certain organizations such as the Taliban to dispose of any threats.

Delicacy in Beecroft

Mysteriously, in late 1985, the Head of Sydney Buses was found dead at the bottom of the Cooks River with a knife in his back. Following this incident Beecroft Bus Company's budget skyrocketed for the first time in fifteen years. Osama Bin Laden also joined as a driver in this time of flourish. This allowed him to save up enough money to invest in a bigger and stronger Taliban. Finally, in the Spring of 1995, the company was bought out by the Taliban and has been successful ever since.

[edit] History of violence

BCB member demanding ransom

Althought located within the tranquil borders of the Hornsby Shire, Beecroft is well known for its long history of criminal activity. It all started in 1992 when a group of insecure local boys formed a group known as the Beecroft Boys (better known as the BCB). Ever since this formation, turmoil has been present in the once quiet suburb of Beecroft. This disruption is usually caused by conflicts between rival gangs in the area such as the West Ryde Boys (WRB), Pennant Hills Cheetahs and the Cheltenham Spice Girls. The first major conflict was in 1995 when Beecroft Village Arcade was held hostage by several members of the BCB. The gang demanded a cash amount of $27.50 in return for the 38 hostages. State authorities were reluctant to pay such a vast amount of money and refused the offer, stating to the public that 38 lives was nothing compared to Australias population of over 20 million. However, after the 36th person was hanged, drawn, and quartered, state authorities agreed to pay the ransom. Because of the lack of law enforcers within the suburb, the murderers were able to slip past with ease. In response to this attack a lockdown alarm system was introduced a couple of months later, this was quickly put to the test when the WRB attempted the same feat. Beecroft is also suspected to be hiding spot of America's Most Wanted, Osama Bin Laden. Because of its large bushland area several hundred residents of Beecroft have been reported missing in the last decade.

[edit] Conspiracy regarding ET

Picture taken by a Beecroft civilian

In early 2003 16th of March,over 400 Beecroft residents stated that they witnessed a visit from several Un-Identified Flying Objects (UFOs). Seventeen members of the US Embassy came to the scene the following day; none returned.

[edit] Sport and recreation

Beecroft is also bestowed with a number of recreational facilities within its boundaries. Beecroft is home to the exclusive gum wall. A wall which, for the past twenty years, has been used as a waste deposit exclusively for chewing gum. Everday as school children walk past, the number increaseses by an average of over 100 pieces of gum. At last count their was 345 678 pieces of gum on the wall. It is located between sutherland road and the train platform. Beecroft is also home to Australias first abortion clinic due to the incredible amount of hoars within the suburb.