Bell Biv DeVoe

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Bell Biv DeVoe (or BBD) is a local telephone provider for parts of the United Spades of Amerika that are stuck in the year 1990. It is one of the Baby Bells that formed when a giant rotary-dial telephone was hacked into pieces at an anti-disco demonstration in the 1970s. Due to increasing competition, Bell Biv DeVoe froze time in all of its local telephone exchanges on December 31, 1990 (December 30, 1990 in Alaska and Hawaii).

For a list of other Baby Bells, see BellBottoms™.

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[edit] History

[edit] Early Days

In 1970 there was only one telephone company, T&A, in the U.S. When it was hacked up in the anti-disco backlash (see above), one of the resulting companies fell into the hands of a group of businessmen from Boston led by Mr. Biv "Elmer" DeVoe, who became the first Corporate Ethics Obstructer (CEO). They decided to distinguish their phone company by publishing a revolutionary new phone book called the New Edition. It was the first time the local phone book had been updated since the stock market crash of 1929. The new phone company was christened Bell Biv DeVoe in honor of its first CEO.

[edit] Famous Promotions

Bell Biv DeVoe and the New Edition Phone Book ran some creative promotions in the 1980s:

• Mr. Telephone Man became one of the most famous advertising mascots in the history of the telephone industry. A series of popular television ads and billboards made Mr. Telephone Man synonymous with local telephone service in many American communities.

• BBD's Cool It Now summer promotion gave away a free backyard pool to three lucky families each year from 1984 through 1988.

[edit] Increasing Competition

Increasing competition from the new kids on the block, such as Soft Cell, caused revenues to plummet in 1989. By 1990 the company had to institute massive lay-offs, and by the end of the year, resorted to freezing time in its local telephone exchanges to prevent further loss of revenue.

[edit] Frozen in Time

BBD local telephone exchanges can be easily identified by the fact that they are frozen in time and continue to live in December of 1990. Demographic data indicates these areas of the country are unique in the following ways:

• 24% of residents age 12-24 have lines shaved into the sides of their head, vs. 0.6% in non-time-frozen areas
• 39% of residents surveyed believe hair bands are "cool" or "very cool," vs. 1.4% in non-time-frozen areas
• 67% of women surveyed admit to daily fantasies about Patrick Swayze, vs. 3.2% in non-time-frozen areas
• 2% of suburban families in these areas own an SUV, vs. 88% in non-time-frozen areas
• 0.9% of residents know how to use a computer, vs. 1.6% in non-time-frozen areas