Beluga
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“Possibly the most fake creature of all time!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Beluga
“The only good beluga is a dead beluga!”
~ Steve Irwin on Belugas
“Belugas are fake!”
~ Captain Obvious on Beluga
“Save the Belugas!”
~ Caitlin Smith on Beluga's
“Svae the Blgaues!”
~ Sporkninja on belugas
“When i'm hungry i eat a beluga!”
~ Some dude on Belugas
“Oh sorry, i thought you said Blue tar.”
~ The same due on Belugas
“Mmm...Belugas...”
~ Homer on Bluegas
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[edit] Beluga Story
Some massively less intelligent people believe that Belugas are actual creatures that need to be saved by the tree hugging commies who believe that animals are superior to all people. Belugas are the lowest and most worthless animal in the food chain. All other animals pick on this creature because it is so idiotic. Belugas are actually not really real, unlike aliens. Aliens are the single nicest animal in existence. Unlike Belugas, which will stab your children's thoughts in the night. This fake animal is destroying the childhood of thousands of American children.
[edit] Believing in Belugas
Some people are dumb enough to actually believe in Belugas, although Belugas are not real and never will be. If you believe in Belugas there are several things you can do to help the human race:
- Jump off a cliff (a tall one)
- Take a fork and stab it into your eye
- Go and kill a real whale
- Sexually molest a cat
- Sexually molest a dog
- Sexually molest a horse
- Sexually molest another person that believes in Belugas
- Sexually molest a picture of a Beluga (whatever those are)
- Find a helicopter and jump in the way of the propeller
- Find a toaster and fill up your bathtub with water, then proceed to plug your toaster in and then drop it in the water (note: doing all this is quite pointless if you aren't in the bathtub yourself)
- JUST LEAVE!!!!
- Develop an IQ
[edit] History of the Belugas
The belugas were drempt by the famously drunk Mel Gibbson. He was riding home from his gay bar in North Eastern Europe when he was pulled over by a cop. He then began to rant a rave about "Those damn Belugs's and all of their fucking nonsense!" No one was sure what he was saying so we asked him to elaborate."Save the Beluga bitch, save the beluga!" We realised that that this is impossible due to the fact the belugas are not only fake but also mentally retarded creatures and lack the brain capacity to really adapt to the threats around them. So we replied "WTF Mel" but we ended up feeling sorry for him because he has no friends and just uses belugas as a cheap way to draw attention to himself.
[edit] Evidence of why Belugas are Retarded
This is the story of a beluga hunter named Igor Keizerkof. This story explains why belugas are so easy to hunt. Well, after one is harpooned and buoyed, it is followed by the boat and followed by its other whale companions.The other whales turn around and commence to attack the boat.They butt the boat over and over, some of them getting a good 30 yard run only to run into the boat rocking us all, then seeming to kill themselves. They do not seem to care that their own heads bleed after they ram the boat and they continue until they perish. This also explains why belugas are not real because all living creatures care when their head is bleeding.
[edit] Special Powers of Belugas
Among whales, the all-white belugas have another rare ability: they are emotional terrorists that they try to make people feel sorry for them because they are an endangered imaginary animal. Do not believe this lie from hell, belugas are demons sent sent from the abyss and they are out to get you! This is possible because of the arrangement of seven vertebrae in their necks which are not fused together as in most cetaceans. In other words they are mentally inept to breath under water. This power allows them to drink a lot of water all the time. So belugas are always drunk. The single greatest and best power belugas have is when they get those pop bottle holders around their neck which strangles them until they die.
