Bench

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bench.

Arnold advocates Bench Presses as a method to overcome masturbation. Do it for Arnold.

A bench is a flat object that you can sit on, stand on, and pick up and smash other benches with.

A Homeless person (Kazoo), hiding from a carnivorous bench.

The outside versions usually have a homeless person on them (also known as a kazoo), which you can kick off and call a "bum", then proceed to whack to death with the bench.

[edit] History

The bench was invented in 4 million B.C. when Tyrannosaurus Rex III was looking for an object to beat homeless people to death with. He then proceeded to invent the park and candy wrapper. For one million years, there was only one bench in existence until such time as the first mammals came along and beat the dinosaurs to death with them. They then proceeded to create the Work Bench, the Church Bench, the Court Bench, and the Bench Press. When humans came along two million years later, they took the benches and mass produced them, causing benches to overrun the world.

Then, in 1207, the benches started to rebel. Benjamin T. Thadeus VI, Lord of Benches, called a Meeting of Benches. In this great meeting, benches around the world came to Benchasia and listened to Benjamin's speech. Benjamin stated that, the humans are spreading too quickly, creating new benches. "I say we rebel for no good reason!" he exclaimed. "Here here!" the benches shouted.

They then proceeded to beat homeless people to death. This was also known as the Great Homeless Genocide of 1208. Eventually, however, Arnold Schwarzenegger came along and made the benches settle down by giving them blow-jobs. This later led to the belief that benches are gay.

[edit] Benchasia, Land of benches

Benchasia is a large landmass located in between Turkey and Egypt. It is also known as the Middle East. Benchasia was established in 908 A.D. by Tupac. Benchasia is known to hold notorious bench-villains, such as the infamous Benjamin Franklin, who took a bench and then fed it to his pet alligator, Fred.

Benchasia is famous for its Meeting of Benches in 1207, in which Benjamin T. Thadeus VI called upon the various bench leaders of the world to start a bench rebellion against humans. This started the Genocide of 1208, in which many homeless people were killed. Most of the killing was done inside Bechasia, which then obtained the nickname "Bloody Asia".

Benchasia still exists today and is one of the second most powerful country in the world, right behind Azerbaijan. It has many cherished laws, including the following: