Berlin Wall
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“In Soviet Russia, wall builds you!”
“East Germany's Closed, Due to, uh... Wolves. Yeah, thats it, wolves.”
“Nobody plans to build a big long wall”
~ Walter Ulbricht, August 1961
“Ich bin Berliner! Aber kein Ostberliner! ("I am a jelly donut. But I am not from East Berlin!")”
“The thing you need to remember about the Berlin Wall, is that it wasn't so much a wall in Berlin as it was a symbol of soviet tyranny and oppression... What’s that? Oh, turns out it was actually just a wall -- in Berlin.”
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
“Mr. Reagan, STFU, n00b.”
“Die Mauer muss weg! ("The Wall has to go!")”
~ Dissident from East Berlin, 1989
“Baut die Mauer wieder auf! ("Rebuild the Wall!")”
~ Dissident from West Berlin, since 1992
“Where did that damn wall go? Dissident from America, since 1992”
~ {{{2}}}
“It is time for us to unite, as a city, as a people, in the name of peace and prosperity, the time is now. Tear down this wall of hatred and distrust. Unite! Move Forward! I will it so.”
“REAGAN SMASH!!!”
~ Ronald Reagan on the wall
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[edit] History
The Berlin Wall was originally constructed in 230BCE by Berlin citizens lead by Hadrian whose architectural successes to that date were comprised of Stonehenge, Hadrian's Wall, and the first toilet. The monument was designed by Hadrian "to show those Chinese that they weren't the only ones who could build a kickass wall thing", and thus to rouse the spirit and the patriotism in the German people. (in fact the chinese's wall is 1000 times longer, and even if the whole of germarmy was built into a brick, it would still be 100 times shorter, when they discovered that, their morale dropped so much that it caused a depression over germany.
Untill about 1989, the wall merely served as a boundary between capitalist West Deutschland, and communist East Deutschland.
[edit] Impact
The impact the Berlin wall on the German people was very great, mostly because they kept forgetting it was there and driving fast into it. Western Berlin was called the third Pole then - wherevere you went, you ended up in the east finally, similar to the North pole (there werever you go, you end in the south and vice versa). A pragmatic way to distinguish between East and West wa the so called banana compass - one had to put a banana on the wall, and the side where you found the biting marks was supposed to be eastern. The wall also sparked trade disputes, because trucks carrying bratwurst and Jews couldn't get to Germany trading partners, like Atlantis or the USSR. These disputes culminated in the founding of BMW.
Used parts of the wall are in high demand with druidic rituals involved with forcing articial lunar solstices. It also caused all the Kentosauruses in the world to go extinct.
[edit] Misconceptions
Many People believe that the Berlin wall was simply a separation between East and West Germany. Well these people are missing part of the story. Occupied East Germany was always cloudy, lightning, storming, and had intense frightening music playing all the time, no matter what the weather, or condition anywhere else, East Germany was always stormy and scary. Besides that if a living creature of any sort were to cross from West to East, it would instantly be transformed into a zombie like creature, blood thirsty, and ready to spread disease and hate to any soul who wished to enter East Germany. Incidentally if a living being were to cross back over to the Western side, free enterprise and corporations and the stink of oppressed proletariat would turn them inside out and cause them to bleed to death. It wasn't a pretty site.
[edit] The Fall of the Berlin Wall
Near the end of October of 1989, a large crack developed in a section of the wall. It was later identified as the section that noted time traveller Woody Harrelson had built. This crack soon became an eyesore to all who passed by the wall and something had to be done about it.
[edit] Andreas from Norway Hønefoss
Andreas from Hønefoss, Norway were a worker at the Berliner mauer. He and Eric the Moose made the wall. At the wall you can hunt animals, and eat supper at 2'o'clock. We also got some great fishing experiense.
The men of Berlin gathered their tools and some beer and began to tear down the wall in order to build a wall of better quality in its place. However, after 2 hours, they got bored and decided to just blow it up. Then, they spent days and days drinking and celebrating. This lead to another noted characteristic of human males, they half-finished the job, became distracted by other projects and left it in a state of ruins. To this date many male Berliners still have rebuild Berlin Wall on their to do lists.
The falling of the wall ended up having no long term results, other than the death of 13 Germans.
Oh, and the end to decades of communist rule. That too ;however, the real truth of the matter is the story of Berlin males knocking down the wall is only part of the story and mostly a myth generated by the beer industry to promote the good effect of drunken revelry. The real story is that the Berlin wall was knocked down by 1337 irc users who furiously typed on their keyboards "/slap Berlin wall" in between sex chat w/ men in their 40's pretending to be eleven year old girls and horny thirteen year olds who upon reading the words "vagina" or "panties" excused themselves to use the restroom which resulted in so many lines of "Uberloserwithnogirlfriend slapped the Berlin Wall with a large trout" that the great god of the Internet got fed up and took a large trout even bigger than the size of Opera's ego and even her ass that and knocked down the Berlin Wall to shut up all of the 1337 losers with no girlfriends.
[edit] The Return of the Berlin Wall
In 2032, overnight a new Berlin wall will appear as if by magic at the same time Russia is overthrown by communist guerrilas after waiting to long in food lines and theatre queues. It will go something like this:
In AD 2032, Cold War 2.0 was begining.
German Leader: What happen? German Soldier: Somebody set up us the Wall. German Technician: We get propaganda. German Leader: What? German Technician: Telescreen turn on. German Leader: It's you. Russian Leader: How are you capitalists? Russian Leader: All your East are belong to us. Russian Leader: You have no chance to survive make your economy. Russian Leader: Ha Ha Ha German Soldier: You know what you doing. German Leader: Yes. German Leader: Take off every diplomat. German Leader: For great money.
[edit] See also
Categories: Communism | Germany | Politics | History
